there was a lot of hurt going around the family. i thought it was really quite insane.. throughout the time i was watching them, the biggest thing i'd felt was their entrapment. entrapped by expectations, inferiority, deeply rooted hurt, disappointments, and a huge dose of insensitivity. i think many singaporean families are like that because it's not the asian/chinese culture to express affection and love. we hear it so often that it has turned into an accepted justification for the lack of expressed love within families. yet it is not.
and it was too familiar.. the hurtful words, the disappointments, the anger, the frustration, the yelling, the hurt. all swirling viciously under our roof. last weekend, i was talking to my father and i told him he was overworked. but he replied me saying that i may not be able to see it, but he's happy. he doesn't need the overseas holidays, he doesn't need a car or a fancy home, or to eat out at nice restaurants even on an occasional basis. he's happy working because he has my mom for company while he works, and he's happy because i'm in his life and he sees me and hears my voice. i couldn't believe my ears. and i couldn't believe my joy. Just 3 years ago, I would have never ever, even in the most promising moments, dreamt of this family. when i see my dad and mom care for each other, and hear words of tenderness passed between them, I am so sure that God is with us. It is an answered prayer, a prayer that was begged and begged before God through unending tears. I'd just asked Him to keep us together and not to let us part. That was more than I could've asked for. But He'd given so much more, so much so much more. It is a miracle before my own eyes and it is His love for me and my family abundantly expressed and felt.
as i was brought through the family's journey in the movie, i couldn't help wishing so hard that they could have the opportunity to have God in their lives as a strong and everlasting pillar of their home. A God in whom they can rest their financial burdens upon because He is a God who provides tangibly, as we strive as best as we can. A God in whom they can lay their disappointments and fears to rest because He is a God of forgiveness. To have their hearts yearning for the love of God and the love of a family, rather than pride and the material that is immaterial. To have a God in whom they can share a deeply-seated joy.
on a separate note, i saw this picture in an email.
and i realised i can't imagine what it is like waking up wanting to die. and then i realised that actually, you could be in a bed like the little girl's and wake up wanting to die or be in a bed like the starved and homeless boy's and wake up wanting a future. it's all in the heart. yea it's called hope.
