hmm so fast it's coming to the end of the year.. and the As seem..extremely far behind. so many things have happened. it's as though i've gotten use to a new routine, new people new friends.. lotsa activities-MY activities. lotsa fun :D haha i dont miss studying at all yet. i miss my classmates, school friends whom i haven't seen since prom. :( ya know we always think like oh... we have so much time la, SIX whole months! but i tell you the six months will pass before i know it and i'd realise i haven't ever bothered meeting up with any of them and vice versa. so it'd better not happen.
sigh.. some of my colleagues whom i've grown to like very much are leaving very soon.. which is SO saddening :( work will never be the same without them around. owell all's part of life..people come and people go.. i'll meet new people and forget some. but all the same, they've made a difference in my life and i've made a difference in theirs, and that's all that counts really. of course i'll miss them, but it won't be painful for long because after a while, all i'll remember are our happy memories that i look back upon. and at the same time, i'd be meeting new people making new friends and enjoying and immersing myself in whatever i'll be doing then.
i've always wondered why farewells and departures are always so hurtful and painful. i think it was never meant to be like that. everybody's supposed to meet in heaven after all. so even if u've said goodbye, it's only for the time being cos u'll meet again in heaven anyway and there u'll never say goodbye ever. but i guess not everybody's goin to go to heaven. :( owell.. so of course i always hope that someday God will touch my non christian family and friends so that i'll see them in heaven again, and never ever say goodbye.

argh i left my handphone and wallet and my lens solution and specs at my working place today. how smart.... and it's not even int he locker..i left it ON A CHAIR. i just hope all the staff there are honest enough not to cope anything.. wah jia lat.. how to slp tonight?
i stayed till closing hour for the first time today. actually, i'd just wanted to wait for Yamuna outside but i decided that it's so mean to just go and leave the rest to close the bar themselves while i sit and wait, so i tried to help out closing the restaurant. haha it's so not easy to do the closing duty budden i guess if you just go ahead and try to enjoy yourself it ain't that bad actually.. and you just pray you dont have to close it alone or with somebody you can't work with. but they're usually already so tired, save for prabin whose mouth can never be clammed shut haha, and so it's a very dreadful job.
haha i cannot wait for this week to be over! then we wont be that busy anymore.. then i can slack a little more.. anw this job is good it trains my mental skills.. such as remembering 4 things at a go which i'm getting very rusty at. i used to have good memory skills when i was a kid. hahah now i can make my milo in just 30 seconds cos i can do so many things at the same time.
oh and thank God my manager mananged to change my schedule so i can go for my family's bbq on sunday evening! BUT in return, i have to work 9 hours straight tmr in exchange for the 4 hours on sunday... ugh. unfair exchange. hahha. tt's like 5 hours extra work.. nooo not worth $25.
kk my eyes are killing me byeeee........

hohoho... today i collected MY FIRST PAY!! hahah it's quite a measely sum cos i didnt work much last week but still it saved my week! :)
i quarelled with my mom earlier and so i cannot ask money from her... adn i have only four dollars in my wallet left.. so i thought i was going to have to resort to borrowin gmoney from frens.. looks like i dont have to! :) i just hope my mom wont remember to ask for all my money or something :S

today's caroling was so much fun! despite my stupid stomach that was churning shit in it and a woozy little head, i thoroughly enjoyed myself singing! and im sure everybody enjoyed themselves too! hahah it was such an enjoyment and we had great musicians! i hope the homes and people we visited and caroled for have been blessed and they've learnt a little more about the significance of Christmas and the coming of our Lord and have been touched by the spirit of God as much as we have been. yeap, i understood Christmas better after tonight's caroling; through all the lyrics that i sang and through pastor's little sermons about the meaning of Christmas.
there were so many highlights today!
no.1's definitely the few ultra brilliant songs that we sang and the song Immanuel that our extra talented musicians sang!
and during our journey in uncle derrick's car we met so funny people on the road! hahahh we were waving to this little girl in another taxi, and her momma and her brother also waved back! haah so sweet!! and then there was this other taxi driver who drove a cab with the sumo advertisement on it i dunno if you guys have seen it but it's hilarious! and he did this SUMO expression when he saw us laughing at the advert on his taxi! hahhaha SO FUNNY CAN!!! talk about spreading the christmas cheer!
and there was eunice's DOGGIES!!!! Oh mann CLEO is the ULTIMATE cutie pie dog i've ever seen in my entire life!! apsdoijaposidfjasd SO CUTEEEE!!!! i defintely had a good time trying to suppress all the stupid girly squeals. and i lost my first kiss to Cleo haha. oh mannnn...... i could play with it forever. and there was another dog Snoopy who isnt as cute and so it didnt get as much attention.. which was so unfair of us. she's (or is it a he?) an equally nice and adorable dog.
okie i cant possibly recollect anymore for now but anyhow, i JUST enjoyed myself a lot today! =) early merry christmas everybody!

here's a picture of Cleo and all of us HFC carolers :)
if im not wrong this is my first time posting pictures over here haha



toodles~

hi all! it's been quite a while since i last came here... i hope everybody's been having good holiday fun! haha;) it's goin pretty good over here..my little waitressing job's looking better day by day.. not so clumsy anymore and getting to know my colleagues and frens better! haha :) they're all such cute people. now it's cute not just nice haha.
so i've been extremely busy everyday, either working or playing or working-n-playing. spending time with people meaningfully.. there're some othe rthings looking up too but i haven't gotten down to any of them. like the Youth For Christ thing.. the lady hasn't gotten back to me AT ALL. i wanna work with the programme that reaches out to troubled preteens by conducting creative classes for them, for eg. BUT SHE HASN'T CONTACTED ME.
yesterday something super DUPER stupid happened. this lady called me and told me that her colleagued passed her my no. and asked whether i was free for interview. so i just immediately assumed it was the Youth For Christ person calling me and got all excited and everything! so we arranged a date and time which was yesterday..well the lady on the phone was kinda cold and curt and she was like "please come on time. we specially set aside this tim efor you. we just want ten minutes to see how you look like and you can ask the questions you want." ??!!?? why in the world would a social worker talk to me like that, so curtly summore. nvmmmm...
so the next day i even FUSSILY picked out a decent sweet looking pink blouse for the interview and when i got there... i was surprised to see fashion magazines with 'SEX' splashed on their covers on the table.. like HUH Youth For Christ encourages us to read these kinda mags?? and the waiting area was kinda a little too posh. and the lady who came out to greet me was wearing a blouse that was a little too... uh unsocial-worker like. ANYWAY i went into the room n this lady started telling me "we are an advertising agency looking for faces from all kinds of ages.. we'll provide you some training and then you'll do freelance assignments for us blahblahblahblahblah" i got a shock and panicked! HUH?!? "wait... i think i'm at the wrong place."
haha it turned out it was actually the lady who had asked for my name and no. at orchard mrt one million years ago who called me. and i just assumed and didnt ask anything when she called me the first time. hahha so stupid. i was kinda disappointed but anyhow it's still something for me to consider doing.. but after talking to my parents about it we've decided i shouldn't cos it could be a hoax and their programs and training stuffs and selection procedures are kinda unclear and foggy. PLUS i have to fork out $550 for a set of professional make-up kit that i'll never use again. and the probability of me landing an assignment to earn back the money is 15/200. and the six week-end course means forgoing sunday youth mtgs.. hmmm.. so am i throwing away a chance at fame? i still have one more day to think about it.

hmmm tmr's caroling!!!!! hahahha i'm more excited than i thought i'd be:) this is my FIRST time caroling! and tonight was our last rehearsal.. t'was alrighteee and some songs were brilliant! i think the boys in our church can REALLY sing! so few of them but they're like WOAHHHHH O_O!!!! Hehe well, it's all in the spirit of sharing the gospel of Christ and the love of our Lord!
hmm so tonight i'll rest well and tmr i'll be...... doing some housework? haha before caroling.

i haven't mentioned this here before that i've told my mom about my faith and she was miraculously fine about it! =) hahah Amen! and i think she told my dad too since he mentioned it during one of our trivial arguments. anw i'm just so thankful that i dont have to hide anymore! i told mom that i go to church and she's okay with it as long as i dont come home and start preaching to her and im not allowed to get baptised until i'm an adult. it's still a little unbelievable to me and it's hard getting used to not having to hide anymore and telling white lies (which are essentially LIES).. haha weird as it sounds.

well keep safe and well everyone :)
love out!

today's my first day at work! all i can say is it's FREAKING TIRING!! omgosh. and i stupidly went without dinner cos i thought i could eat later but they cleared the dishes already :( my legs are seriously collapsing and today's JUST day numero one. great.......
hahah but on the brighter note (there's always a brighter note) which is quite bright, the people there are generally nice, in fact, some of them are so nice they just ooze kindness. i'm serious! everybody there's so willing to teach the newbies. okay i just havent gotten yelled at and im totally expecting that to come cos everybody gets it so they say. and it's like nepal land there hahah cos there are SO many nepalese people! i was surprised! the only prob's that their accent is so strong i have no idea what they're saying most of the time so some miscommunication and so some blunders. anw i jus wanna say they're really nice people and it's seriously a big blessing to have nice people to work with..u know how nasty the working arena can get. =) it really wasnt easy today they made us go out there the moment we started with a little bit of oreintation. no time to memorize sitting plan my goodness it's SO random! and im still pretty confused with the system and stuffs.. and i actually quivered when i first began serving the cups cos i was SO scared i'd spill it. not a single drop can spill ya know. and i had to pour watermelon juice in front of the customer from some big weirdo jug :S that one was really a miracle i didnt spill anything!

anw ive made my choice already and it's hurt people close to me. but im very sure this wasnt my choice to make in the first place. God's plan is always perfect and for the good and the better. so good things will come out of it, and im totally certain of it. so please dont be sad cos it's not a sad thing at all. and i'll still see you guys, i promise! i'm very thankful God's given me an answer and that ive took the step of faith and courage to accept it.

it's joshua's birthday today! he invited all of us over to his home for a HUGE yummy meal with the super HUGE tub of ben n jerry's ice cream.. wah it's seriously huge, i only see those kinda tubs at the ice cream counters where they dig the icecream from for you. it was a lot of fun with da games and all too:)

SO i'm finally home.. i haven tbeen home the past two nights.. let's see...last last night, i slept over at youzi's. we watched gilmore girls!! and I AM HOOKED!!! the show is super niceee and i love the humour! especially the sacarstic humour that i want to but shouldnt use on others, and the mom's hahahh she's hilarious!
and yesterday it was bunking over at beck's...so much for waking up for a run.. we just slept and slept and the drilling upstairs gave me such a pleasant morning heart attack. hahah so it was the usual...watching dvds or rather just ME watching. i think ive been to her house too many times to get any excitement out of it haha. and i was kinda amazed how her brother has grown! apparently the first time i met him, he was just p5 and now he's just finished his O levels! woah time flies pretty fast huh. so ive actually seen him growing from a boy to a half-man haha.

argh now i really miss my room, im barely at home! it's really like a hotel haha. tmr's gonna be another full day out save for housework in the morning. and the next too and the next too. omg i have no rest hahaha can you believe this, i'm getting exhausted playing!! haha but i do recall a few months back when i wished i could get exhausted playing instead of studying. hurhur the wish's come true! be careful what you wish :)

hee anw ive got the job! it wasnt much of an interview la they basically needed people anw.. as long as im willing to work on xmas and new years eve.... how sad is that. then again, ive never spent xmas and new years eves in a restaurant serving people before! so this is gonna be a very different and hopefully special way to spend these holidays for me!

yoohoo...
wah ive been very busy :) having good fun hahah the best fun was at Warren! wheee....
right after the As ended i thought i was super bored with nothing to do la.. now all the activities start piling in and i cannot cope alreadeee i want to go for everythign but everything is clashing.. alibabaaaa. aahhahh.
ive got an interview coming up at 3 later... i hope i'll get the job! i really want it (i mean i really really NEED THE CASH)! haha it's a waitressing job at the jacks place outlet in orchard. that place's tough training, demanding customers (i saw one myself :S), the staff say they cry everyday haha. so it's good for me! and ive met some of the staff there they're really nice and warm.. though i know they'll prob start yelling at me IF and when i start working there. it's quite hard to get i heard :S gahh... praypray pleeeease God let me have the job!

hmm ive finally started exercising!! FINALLY FINALLY! omgosh i feel so alive now... hahah :) i shoulnd't have been so lazy during the exams period.. what a difference it'd have made.

alrightee so here's to an extremely busy week ahead and the week after with a lot of things to do n a lot of fun, and also to an extremely busy mind and heart with a lot of things going on in there that i have to sort out "(

so when you dont understand
when you don't see his plan
when you can't trace his hand
Trust His Heart

ooh, so he's Collin Raye.. i finally know who the singer is. i've been playing his album thru out my examination period but i didnt know who the singer was cos it's a burnt cd..shhh.. hahah a friend gave it to me and i couldnt remember WHICH friend gave it to me too.. but now i think i can recall who it was.

i figure i'm an extremely lazy bum.. i HATE travelling now...WHYWHYWHY. as in im even too lazy to travel from one end of the island to the other. this is not good at all.... i used to enjoy spending half my day on the train or something hahah. i enjoyed train rides when they werent underground. the best was in the bright morning sunshine when i used to travel an hour to get to church. ooh lala i didnt mind that at all man. and i became so pro i could identify where i was WHEREVER the train was travelling. i could even tell i was halfway thru which stop and which stop. i think ive probably forgotten everything. underground trainrides just SUCK the life out of you and i always stumble out of the train with zero ounce of energy left when all i did was sit in there.

anw my mom's such a awepoifampoweifj!!!! i bet she's attempting to cut off my money supply asap. so that i'll get a job, not that i didnt intend to already. but she's BREATHING down my neck! and the moment i get a job byebyeeeee man i'm on my own. one day if i have no work i will have no money.

hmm so i'm really free now and i'm feeling very lost hahah i dont know what's best to do.. actually i do know hahah. i wish i didnt have to go for prom it's a waste of money and my time and my brain juices... the only good part is i get to see what ritz carlton is like, ive never stepped in there before. but then again you dont need a prom to make you step into ritz carlton. or do you? haha i dont think it's THAAAT high end right. and neither do you need a prom to spend time with your classmates and friends.. grrrrr... i could've used that money to go on a trip to tioman island instead. but since im already going i can might as well make the best out of it:)

striking a balance is really difficult. i just want to learn to spread my wings on my own and learn, REALLY learn for all learning's worth. and you know how they always say do what your heart wants, live for yourself and not for other people. but i cant deny that my parents' age and experiences are there for a reason. argh sometimes they're just so logical they make me feel stupid. what they want for me is NOT at all what i want for myself. but what they think i should be doing makes sense too.. i mean surviving in this world and learning things that are right and actually useful is important.. of course it's good to learn and learn but you gotta make sure you learn the things that you HAVE to know. so HOW what am i supposed to choose? the only thing i can think of right now is to just do everything.

I LOOK LIKE A BROOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ARGHGGHGHGHGH
I'M SO ANGRY :
STUPID HAIR :(

happy birthday!

thank you all! haha it was a lovely birthday i had :)
this is celebrating the 18 years of life that God has breathed into me; 18 years of being by my side whether i knew it or not; 18 years of love He's given me and love that my family and friends have given me too! :) wheee..
it is always great to be loved cos only loved people know how to love, rite? haha. and it's also great to have family and friends to celebrate my birthday with cos they are after all part of the 18 years that i'm celebrating! hahah thank you to everybody who remembered and even if you didnt remember, thank you also cos you've made a difference to my life, small or big, for better or for worse it doesnt matter, you just did and that counts! hahaha :D cheers!!

i think being able to view the evening city skyline everyday from my home is irreplaceable.. it's been getting more and more gorgeous lately.. hehe the perks of staying high high up. :)

hehe this is so excitinggggg.... can you feel the vibe??? mwahah exams are really really really reaaaaaaaaallly ending! ONE more paper only.. hahah. there're so many things i've thought of doing already. and THIS time, i'm going to make sure i do things that are meaningful and are useful and purposeful to myself and to other people. i'm not going to waste my holidays away like the way i did the last time round.. okay la that time wasn't really a waste i learnt some stuff too but it's definately not the best way to spend free time. i've learnt that doing purposeful activities that mean something to myself keeps my brain going and makes my heart happy! as much as i enjoy studying, it doesnt make me truly happy. having a purpose is good, but having a purpose that is meaningful is another thing altogether.
aaahhhh... can you not feel the vibe?!!? i'm dyinggg i cannot waitttt........!!!!
just one more to go.............
God has been extremely gracious.. i dont know if my papers really went well, i'll only find out next March.. but it least He'd let me feel good and alright about them. ya know at least i dont find myself going out of the exam hall knowing that i'm a dead duck, it didnt happen! :) yet. one more paper haha better not happen. whee... God is so graciouss.. He sustains us. He sustains us so that we wake up every morning and feel so alive! and every night when we go to sleep, we trust Him to protect us and care for us as we sleep so that we can wake up again the next morning. dont take it for granted..what if you didn't... hahha well if you didnt' you'd be in heaven anw. nice place too.. haha.

gag.. im currently feeling very frustrated and angry. :( because im feeling very vulnerable. i dont like feeling vulnerable..well nobody does. but the thing is, i'm feeling vulnerable because of other people and i'm not deserving this vulnerable feeling. you know getting me in this position all because of something that i didnt do but something other people did and i dont feel safe.

and i'm feeling vulnerable also because i'm proud, and i hate it when other people know things or find out things that are very personal to me... things that i want to keep between God and myself. maybe i wasn't careful.. maybe i'm assuming things, maybe it is my own fault but it doesnt change the fact that i'm feeling so vulnerable. i dont like it, really. to put it crudely, when other people know about the private and personal parts of your life that they weren't supposed to know of, it feels like you're being raped.

i feel like i'm balancing on teensy beam, goin slow.... a little steady yet a little wobbly. arhghgh. ok but at least i'm still on the beam right? :)

the papers that ive sat for so far have been good yet not quite good. i like the way this is for now. the unknowing feeling..ya noee like you're not sure if you can do well, yet you know there is a chance. because this tests your faith and gives the allowance for God to do some work. yeaaa there is a chance! :D

haha the REAL challenge beings only next week....

on my way home i saw this tree that was blossoming with very pretty pink flowers:) and what was so interesting was that its branches were all soooooooo droopy save for the part where the flowers were.. they curled upward, like a 180degree turn! hahah trees are so vain too they know how to show off their stuffs.. haha probably to attract insects i guess. i wanna find out what tree that is.. there are so many millions of them along that stretch of road.

i guess it was a general agreement that the maths paper was more difficult than previous years..:( with some luck maybe i could still pull a good grade. and we still have paper 2 my favourite ;) and thank God i didnt have to pull any stunts on any geomo questions today haha i barely studied that topic, and i'm even more thankful that it went much much better than how i did my geog papers the past two years. yay praise God!

ya know i like the way this goes.. we're all competing against each other, yet at the same time, we're for each other. how sweet.. we'll never get this ever again once we step out of school. in the real world, this must be very rare even though right now i dont think we really see nor bother about the competition. so i gotta treasure this now :)

beautiful friendships

some friendships are just weird.. i've had all kinds of them all through my life. really unique ones. you can tell them apart from the more 'normal' kind of friendships. they're more exciting precisely because they're less predictable, more beautiful precisely because they're unusual.

i dont know how you get them. maybe if you put two unusual people together you'll get an unusual friendship. or it simply takes two conflicting personalities that can relate. like a more dependent person with a very independent person. or a razor-tongued person with an over-sensitive person. the thing is, these two kinds of people dont usually gum well..but the interesting part is, some particular pairs do, and their conflicting personalities provide each other a friendship that's operated on a different level that i think is more beautiful than the others because it takes so much more patience and tolerence and understanding from both of us. and when it comes to the point where we accept, understand, and learn from each other, i think it'll be one of the most magical of friendships.

on the flipside..sustaining it is seriously not easy. sometimes, patience wear out, tolerence run thin, its unpredictability gets the upper hand. i dont know what the best way out of it is. it is my nature to bury undercurrents because i have an extremely high level of tolerence and a preference for leaving things to chance. i wouldnt say leaving chance to God because my intentions are more cowardly than holy. on the other hand, blowing up on such a precarious friendship isnt the best solution, neither is being point-blank frank given the personality of the other (haha you can tell which side of the pair i belong to). the best way, i think, is to tap on the most fundamental reason for the existence of our friendship - that is our love for human companionship and fellowship, or perhaps our love for each other.

I can really see God moving in my home, changing people, changing lives :)

i'm putting on quite some weight man i can FEEL the fats! seriously.. :( my parents are not helping haha. i came home from school today to a WHOLE LOAD of food and snacks! and worse still my mom cannot stop cooking. hahha. she's so eager to try out all the dishes she observed while she was in China so she's doing marketing non stop and my dad also. haha but i'm not complaining the food is really good!! just now she did this pancake with blueberry yoghurt and raisins and cheese oooohhh it was sooooo yummy!!! and so easy to make sumore.. that one's not from china btw. haha.

till later~

huhur this is insane... i keep getting waves of panic attacks non stop and then sometimes i'll be excited. 0_0 hahahah shooo cute the face.

yesterday evening my neighbours came over to stargaze! hahahh.. well.. it was kinda like a pathetic attempt cos his telescope was spoilt and we had to use a binoculars ?!?! ya know there was this star that we can see only ever 278yrs. soo exciting! yea... and i THINK we saw mars? cos we're supposed to be able to see it around this time. hahah of course all we saw was a little darting bright dot thru the bino la... hahahah. so silly...
butbut... this has egnited my long lost fascination with astrology!! i used to love studying and memorizing and marvelling at all the stars and planets in our universe.. and i loved all the little gnitty little details like how long each planet takes to revolve around the sun and i used to think they were slow pokes. and how freezing cold saturn is and how freaking hot mercury is.. then all the pictures of the galaxies all the stars!!! oh my... i'm thinking of investing in a telescope but some o fmy friends tell me it's not worth it, and that i can only see the moon most of the time.. hmm.. we'll see...
hoho... and then we saw something else that was quite funny! hahha we have another friend who lives across the street so we tried to spyy.. but the bino not powerful enough la.. but it was bad enough already hahaah saw something we shouldn't have seen!!! quite funny....:)

which brings me back to human fellowship! it's kinda lovely that i have neighbours i now know.. last time i lived in my previous apartment for nearly 7 years but i hardly knew anyone. we just said hi and bye and exchange loooooong pleasantries but that was it! maybe except my opposite neighbour whom we were closer to. it's so fun to have friends who live near you! within shouting range summore hahha.

haha human fellowship who doesnt need it? i love it.


there was some deepavali celebration goin on downstairs and usually such things just KILL me! so noisy and the MCs are really so LAME and crappy i just wanna faint. anw today's one was better.. i jus have something for indian music hahahh their drums are cool and fascinating! and it's pretty catchy.. quite enjoyable doin maths while listening to it. and i looked out of my window and i saw people sitting around the stage or standing around watching, some even with their arms crossed. and i was thinking it is really SO SAD we just stand there and all we do is watch. that's it. i mean c'mon la the beats were so infectious and so happy to dance to but everybody just STONES!!! for a few moments i jus pictured the crowd on their feet and shakin to da indian music, hurhur what a BIG difference! otherwise what's the point of a celebration?!

i was just standing by my kitchen window looking out over the central square.. enjoying my tiny piece of chocolate. and i was thinking about the personal relationships we have with God. and about how God wants a personal relationship with everybody. and as i watched all the many tiny little people moving around the central square, i couldn't help but marvel how He can maintain a personal relationship with each and every single figure that i see from up here. i can hardly maintain just five good ones myself. haha. i have to admit i marvelled with a little disbelief. i was thinking.. our relationship is so... strange. i wouldn't say unique cos it just makes it sound so beautiful and perfect. well.. it is supposed to be. perhaps it is because i am not close enough to Him that i find a relationship between us and God so weird. He's there to comfort us all the time regardless the situation but He doesnt need our comfort. He can get angry with us but we're not supposed to be angry with Him because He's perfect and the only possible fault is ours. isnt all these kinda one-sided? i know, of course, it's all about the love.

however strange it can get, my guess is that it's simply like any other relationships we share with our fellow humans. each and every person that we have a relationship with is unique and special with their very own character and personality. they give different things to us, they demand different things from us, we take different things from them and we give back different things to each and every one of them. likewise, God has His own unusual character. whose isn't?

ahhh.... what a bright and balmy afternoon! :)
perfect weather, lovely!

toodles!

unplugged

hohoho.. alicia keys' Unplugged is minee!! finally! :)
i just love her, everything about her! her music, the way she is, her personality, she's so positive! i think she's one of the few rare true n real music talents left on earth who sing words that they mean and words that even mean something at all. she's like a walking dream!

up n early

woohoo hi all! up and about on an early monday morning! it's only 7:01!!! i cannot believe it! having breakfast and then off to go chionggg off the books! yea! i've been trying to get up at 6 for a week but it never happened cos i always jump out of bed and then roll back on for another couple of hours.. hahahh. today's record breaking! tho it wasnt six 6 but who caressss..
of cos i woke up with some help hhahha.. chris i couldnt believe u woke up too! alrightee mann so reliable haha.

i was thinkin how we define a good sunrise. okaee it cannot be defined but usually if we see pinkish red streaks around a nice orange -blue-white sky it's beautiful! owell i just pitied the other sunrises.. hahahh. i think they're all nice actually even if it's a grey morning.. they're like us! we humans are all unique and different.. some of us may be born more physically beautiful than others but we each have a unique personality and character right! some goes for sunrises... they're all beautiful!

today was a much more productive day than usual.. so i'm feelin good alriiittee :)
a humongous thank you to jeanette and family! :):):):) jeanette helped me with mah maths tdy.. i attempted last year's A levl paper it's supposed to be super duper chicken feet.. budden i was so careless + dunno how to do some. but at least i got a C for it k! not bad already hehe.. jeanette is a good and encouraging teacher! i feel a liiittle bit more confident now.. the last mock test was really ugh la i got an E for it.. so much for smashing my head on the wall. hahah.
nvrrrrrmind:) we have exactly two weeks left! make or break!

SHARING DA LOVE

wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!! :)
hahahhahah :D :D :D

I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I LOVE YOU ALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
HAHA I'M SO FULL OF LOVE AND EXCITEMENT TONIGHT!
haha share it all man!

haha im tellin ya God works all the time! He NEVER stops working so i'm NEVER goin to stop workin for him either.
shoot me if you want but you'll never get me! :P

anw there's been this thing going on big about the end times recently.. cos of what's been happening in the world and the bird flu. i cannot stop seeing stuffs about it everywhere! .. is it really coming? is this grace period going to be over soon?

G'night y'all i'm gonna faint from fatigue soon :) LOVE YOUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!!!

life changing

am i a deadduck or am i a deadduck =(

arghghgghgh hurry up let this be over man...

i really wish something would happen to me.. like some BIG LIFE CHANGING thing..
my life's crawling too freakin slowly...
thats why this stupid exam should be over now so i can do something about it
hahah now i remember yiwen saying that A levels is life-changing cos i told her my skin has never been this fair in YEARS. hahahh
..or maybe something like i get DDDF for my A levels.. that would be pretty interesting.. THAT would be life changing enough man..

:):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:):):):):):):):):):):)

hahah yea good question.. what would i do if that really happened?

Your Different Names

hehe i saw this on some random blogger's blog (some european lady with a VERY cute kid) and i thought it looked pretty fun. and by the look of i,t knowing i'm from s'pore, this is going to turn out just so weird mwahah.

1. YOUR PORN STAR NAME
(name of first pet, street you grew up on)
nilteckwhye
erps
2. YOUR MOVIE STAR NAME
(grandmother on father's side first name, favorite snack)
polooirollercoaster (hahhah?!!?)
3. YOUR FASHION DESIGNER NAME
(first word you see on your left, favorite restaurant)
SoilcreteModesto
not too bad... hahah.
4. YOUR FLY GIRL/GUY; NAME
(first initial of first name, first three letters of your last name)
l.tia hahah
5. YOUR DETECTIVE NAME
(favorite animal, name of high school)
gazelle nanyang
wah this is off
6. YOUR SOAP OPERA NAME(middle name, city where you were born):
xin singapore
7. YOUR OPPOSITE SEX NAME
(name of sibling/parent [opposite sex], cell phone company you use):
teikleng starhub hahahhahha
8. YOUR STAR WARS NAME
(first 3 letters of your last name, last 3 letters of mother's maiden name, first 3 letters of your pet's name)
tiakennil haha okay sounds spacy enough.

my mom is back!! =) early summorehaha she was so sneaky la! she didnt want to stay any longer in china cos the hotel there was very expensive so she decided to fly back a few days earlier.. and she didnt tell us!! she jus called my dad when she wasdownstairs and said she was coming back.. my dad thought she was crazy hahaha too homesick already. then less than one minute later the doorbell really rang!!! we thought it was a ghost la.. hahhaah so funnie my mom.

today i finally opened my eyes again to what i'd gradually shut out through my time in rj. and ironically, mr hodge was the one who did it. you know how useless principals' speeches are most of the time, but finally, this final speech i'd hear from a principal wasn't. argh he's so right. i only have plan A and my planA must work. my plans arent really about university choices because till now i still have mydoubts about wha ti really want to do. my plan A was about my results and all i could see was that i wanted myAs and Bs no matter how far fetched it may seem from the look of my prelim results. looking at how i was like the past month, especially the past few weeks, i was like some walking bomb at home. hot tempered and loud mouthed. the results was all i could see and all i wanted, as in i really kept telling myself that if i dont get the results, i'll die = i'd have failed.
and im quite disappointed with myself that i'm like that. i went back to my alam mater today and what mr hodge said kept ringing in my head.. and the campus just reminded me of how much i'd changed :( speaking to mrs wong and pearlyn just reminded me of it all the more. haha i think pearlyn and i look like we'd switched places.. she is the way i was, and i am the way she was. hahahh. admittedly, it was easier then to think that success was nothing about results. nothing was at stake then, it really didnt matter to me that much which JC you go to, not as much as which university and course you take. but this time, i know the meaning of "success is nothing about results" better because much more is at stake; this time poor results will really have its 'consequences'. but in the long long run, it doesnt matter AT ALL! just 1 decade down the road, or in fact less than that, already nobody is going to give a heck about what i did for my A levels. it's peanuts compared to what i will eventually go through within just that ten years. i totally lost sight of that. what mr hodge said is right, wherever you go, do your best and do it well. that was what ms ong had said too, and that is even what SA wants to tell me - "nobody is here by chance". wherever i will go, that is where God wants me make a difference; that is where God knows will be the best for me, and the best for me to serve Him. my goodness, i was so blinded, i feel like a fool.

the harder truth is, it is what OTHER people expect out of me that makes it so difficult for me not to be bothered by grades. even if i don't mind poor grades, it is the way others will look at me and judge me that will prove a challenge. and it doesnt make things any easier that i study in a premium college.

nevermind, at least i woke up.. better late than never. in fact, i think im fortunate already i got this ahead of many many others.
Wherever God will take me, BRING IT ON!!!!!!

aaahhhh....
today was a torturous day cos i lacked sleep! my head was spinning from the moment my alarm rang until now. today i tried to nap for a grand total of FOUR HOURS.. 2 hrs before mock maths and 2 hrs when i came home.. but they all failed.. my brains were reeling like crazy they just couldn't stop working.. i was just subconciously recalling maths formulae with my eyes closed -that isnt napping! what a waste of my precious time.. so today i'm going to be in bed by 12 SHARP. (cos i can wake at 9 tmr)

anw today's maths mock was nearly disastrous.. not that bad but quite bad. Thank God i managed not to nap at all during the paper. the paper was SO EASY!!! i'd seen 99% the questions before when i did other practice papers! BUT i jus FORGOT how to do them! SO IRRITATING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! the ap gp one was exactly the same as the one in our prelims.. and i FORGOT how to do it even tho i did the corrections.. how smart. this is waht you call not learning from mistakes, which is unforgivable! if i dont get at least a C for this one i'm really going to have to smash my head! hee secretly (but not so secretly now) i had fantasies of getting an A for this mock exam and i was determined to do well! but i can forget about it. i'll get it back at the A levels.
so i have exactly one week to work on my statistics, starting from ground zero, before the mock P2..
i should go start right now on the gazillion essays i have to turn in.. grrr.....

i was rummaging this box that i'd used to lug all my things from my previous home over, sorting out and placing the items where they should belong in my room..(this is 3mths after shifting!) anw i found my sec four english journal where ms ong made us write down stuffs in it for a period of time but we subsequently just forgot about it. ooh brought back such marvellous memories! which reminds me...i STILL cannot find all my sec fou ressays. they're permenantly lost already :( my only chance is that ms ong kept copies of a few of them.. and this is TWO years after graduation already!! those are now such precious writings that marked a major milestone in my life.. and they're GONE!!! argh...

anw here's something i found and i want to share. it's never easy applying this to our lives.. easier said than done! so what is success to you? inevitably, i immediately think of A LOT of money!! and then i'll stop myself to remind myself that success is WAY beyond material wealth. but it doesnt change the fact that i'm still such a materialistic person, and i want to change that.

S U C C E S S
To laugh often and much
To win the respect of intelligent people
And the affection of children
To earn the appreciation of honest critics
And to endure the betrayal of false friends.

To appreciate beauty.
To find the best in others.
To leave the world a bit better,
Whether by a healthy child, a garden
patch, or a redeemed social condition.

To know that even one life has breathed
Easier because you have lived.
This is to have succeeded.

-Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882)

and this is what i wrote in my book then beside the poem:
My definition of success: As long as I feel good about what i've done or completed, that's success. when i'm old, i sit back in my couch and think "what a wonderful life i've lived". i have a warm family of my own, a career i'm satisfied with and healthy kids i've raised, a loving marriage i've kept. if i can smile upon these when i'm old, i've succeeded.

and i'd like to add one more - to have led a God-glorifying life.

my 16th year was easily the best year of my life, right at the beginning of my road to discovery ooh. that year i'd met the most wonderful teacher i'd ever had. i changed so much that year i remember i could hardly believe myself when i was logging in my diary a tribute to myself on my 16th birthday :)
two years on, i'm not so at the beginning already, and hardly even in the middle, but i've opened my eyes to sooo many many things already! just two years and i've met an even more awesome Teacher! truthfully, a little weariness is already setting in.. and i've still got such a long way to go!!

edit:
here's something else i found in the book and i was very amused..

My thoughts and feelings about Trees (i rem ms ong always made us write things like that)

"I have never been interested in trees, and coincidentally, my most disliked colours are green and brown (which aren't today), especially brown cos it somehow reminds me of the word "disgusting".

If i ever notice trees, it would most probably be for the sake of landmarkings. Every morning, i go to sch by bus and i usually sit on the right side of the bus. and it is my habit to sleep on my journey. i suppose it's the biological clock that wakes me up just in time for me to alight, and whenever i open my eyes, this is what i see most of the time wheni look out of the window - this row of rather huge trees, i dont know its name, then i'd know i've reached school. these trees are quite nice to look at.

Actually, there are other trees that i notice too - when i'm not aslp. Just before the traffic junction near Esso and the Shell station, there's another row of trees and i do not know their names either. they look fragile and weak to me. but what i like looking at is the morning sun shining through their leaves, and i can even see the sun rays so stark and strong penetrating through them. behind these trees is a green wire fence and then beyond it a huge piece of grassland that looks foggy in the mornings. i usually see this on saturday mornings when i go to sch for practice or when it is the time of the year when the sun rises very early in the day."

hahaha i think i was feeling very strange wondering why a teacher would want us to write an essay on trees, of all things. and i wasnt very willing to write one then.
subsequently, we did another piece on trees, and i did enjoy that one. (and i did well for it too!)
GP topics should be like that..so much more appealing.

Hide me now,
under Your wings
Cover me,
within Your mighty hand.
When the oceans rise and thunders roar
I will soar with You, above the storm
Father, You are King over the flood
I will be still, know You are God

Find rest my soul, in Christ alone
Know His power, in quietness and trust
When the oceans rise and thunders roar
I will soar with You, above the storm
Father, You are King over the flood
I will be still, know You are God

i think there's something wrong with my stomach.. i keep bloating like nobody's business..:(
i fell sick last night.. had a fever and a severe headache this morning! it was so horrid i jus wanted to lie on my bed and pretend i was dead. but i had to do a human essay for mr lee by tmr. anw he msged me to ask why i didnt show up for geog lect today... i dunno if he sounded angry or what cos it was jus an sms but i hope not. anw he's jus out to help me. i'd better watch my health. nobody can afford to fall sick during this period. i got so scared, for a few hours i was convinced i had dengue fever la. :S there's no way im goin to skip the A levels and go through another J2 year.

bleagh less than a month to go and im still at a loss with my work :S:S:S:S:S:S:S:S:S how freaky is this.... i have so much to do i dunno where to start!!!!! at least maths is lookin up quite a bit.. i kinda know where i went wrong for econs n human geog.. i still have yet to do my own post mortem for my physical geog paper.. lit is.. aiyah somehow or rather i'll make it.

-grin-
i went to beck's house today! FINALLY! FINALLY! FINALLY!
i wish i had stayed over though..more good ol familiar times
:):):):):):):):):):):)

controlling temptations, even in thoughts, is so difficult! especially when it keeps coming nearer and nearer to you. keeping it at bay is such a task, and such an unwilling one.. but oh well... i hope i wont be sorry next time. though i have a feeling i'm doing the right thing, i secretly hope it isn't God's plan that it'll be like that forever!

i read the newspapers bout the indian man who murdered his wife with a chopper cos he loved her so much but she betrayed him and had numerous affairs.. when i was reading what he said my instant reaction was "Othello!!!" aiyohhh seriously a 21st century othello. killing her so that she will not betray other men and hurt others etc.. i feel more at peace now... haha wah so othello.

bleagh i dont feel like sleeping tonight but i have to go to school tmr. tmr's the last day of real school so i must go plus there's class lunch and youzi will murder me and chop me into 230948032million pieces if i dont go RIGHT. so i have to goto school!! sch's not very useful actually but i realize today i stay at home i also dont know much useful things. i do maths at a snail's rate. anw im beginning to see maths in a kind of positive light i've never experienced before when i see maths. now when i see the question my first reaction is 'i think i can pull this one'. :) improvement! confidence is the first step.

i've been browsing thru some scholarship stuffs that SMU offers and it's a less than 4% chance of getting an SMU scholarship. cos they only offer it to 40 students out of the 1000+ students! it's such a lucrative offer! if i do study in SMU, i DIE also must get that scholarship! it covers ALL my tuition fees plus an annual $5000 allowance and a notebook. that's a total worth of $60000++ if i get it for 3 years. and the best part? NO BOND. i hope i didnt read anything wrongly, it sounds too good to be true. that's the no. 1 criteria of a scholarship for me, or i'd rather not get a scholarship. i think getting tied down for 4-6 years after graduation is not something i'd want, esp if im in the business line. i can just imagine the things i can accomplish within 6 years. it's a SUPER long time. i'd be nearly 30 by the time i complete serving my bond. ugh. but then some people see it is a job guarantee.. oh well i think cons offset the pros.

jia suggested i pack lunch to sch since i'm trying to save my money that is dwindling at an extremely alarming rate, so i thought of the bread- biscuit thing kristine's mother made for her n youzi's party.. the one we ate with the tuna that was SO yummee? i asked her that day how her mom did it and i tried it earlier! simple and easy YUM!!! hehehe.. i can't wait for my dad to try it. i like it when he enjoys my cooking. mwahahh im looking forward to lunch tmr....

my prelim results are crap. it's so horrible i cant tell you how horrible it is. it's way off what i'd thought i could at least achieve which wasn't much of an expectation in the first place.. i'm SO disillusioned and disappointed :( i thought u know at least give me a decent grade with the amt of effort i'd put in.. it just doesnt tally! i was SO angry and upset the whole of this morning i couldnt have been any more pissed off. worse still i couldnt blame anyone, not even myself cos i do not think i deserve such bad grades! but then again that was what I had written for my papers so yea it's just me. anyway let's just give thanks that i didnt get an F for maths..finally:) and ms chan gave me some hope.. let's just pray that the car i'm driving is a ferrari and this is the way God is making me step harder on my pedal than i otherwise would.

say hello to courtship..

i'm reading this book about dating and courtship in a christian's perspective that jeanette kindly lent me. i've only read the first half of the book and i think it's really good already. it's given me VERY clear advice on what courtship is about and it couldn't be any more wise and God-given. i wonder why jia found it confusing.. i cannot be anymore thankful for the book because it's straightening my messy heart and mind. it's answered a few of my many burning questions about dating. when friends express surprise of me not having dated seriously before, i usually reply that it is because i was never sure that i should involve myself in one or that i haven't met the right boy blahblah. and usually they'll reply that i should just date more to know what i'm lookin for in my partner better. and then i don't know what to say anymore because it sounded logically. yet at the same time i felt there was just something not right about it. today i realize that you dont date more to find out what you're looking for. you look to God, and make Him the centre amongst your choices and decisions and He'll tell you who is right, and when it is right. HE will lead you to discover what was meant for you in the partner He's giving you, not you looking and deciding for yourself what is right. bascially, He is the focus. not yourself. i really saw the beauty of a God-centred relationship between two people. it is so full of love, and more importantly it's accompanied by such a purposeful direction, wisdom, reality and patience especially.

i realize too that when God doesn't give you an answer after all your prayers, it doesnt mean no, and neither does it mean Yes. it probably means that you have to wait and be patient. patience is the most essential ingredient to await the godly man that God will present you with, and to a successful courtship.

Joshua Harris (e writer) also gave an analogy of a romance that he paralled to fine dining. the Master's got a great menu planned for you with several courses and various dishes. but you're just too impatient to taste them one by one. so instead, you just mishmash all the dishes together into one single dish and slurp it up. how gross is that. that's the equivilent of rushing the process of being acquiantances, friendship, courtship, engagement, and marriage. it'll just turn out equally distasteful.

and i also think that a relationship without the possibility of a marriage ringing around our minds is pretty directionless. not that you must marry the person you're dating, but we should have the intention of considering it with our partners. so i thought it isnt very realistic to date at a young age given such a long span of time before we intend to get married.

so today, it finally sinks in how important it is that my partner is a christian. because we would otherwise be very very very VERY lost. worse still, he may pull me further away from God.
actually i've also thought that this is being very unfair to non-christians. i mean we're supposed to love everybody else and treat everyone like our brothers and sisters. why are we discriminating towards those who aren't christians? but then this matrimonial union is so sacred and God centred i dont see how it is possible to share it with someone who isn't godly, as rude and unfair as it may sound. then what about dating a non christian? it could be God's purpose to bring us together so that i may have a chance to reach out to my partner and bring him to know about my God. but then again this period of dating is part of a process to marriage. by committing yourself to such a relationship's like starting off on a wrong foot. and everything may just go downwards from there. why not wait for him to come to know the Lord before considering a relationship.. you can still reach out to him through a friendship, allowing God to gradually bring him towards you in His time if he is the one meant to be.

ice skating is a sport i can only indulge in one every 6 months. okay i wouldn't say indulge cos it's not exactly a very pleasurable experience! what i mean is the AFTERMATH of ice skating is pretty horrid. i have a bad wound on the back of my shin cos of the boots and bruises on my knee and the other shin and aching muscles everywhere! i think there's some technique for skating that im unaware of..maybe i should find out cos just 15mins into it and my feet are SO painful already, spoiling my experience! other than that, the feeling of cold air blowing in my face is pretty thrilling and it almost makes up for the pain on my feet :)

it was a good one week break well spent which makes up for our sept hols that was lost on all the stupid books :) and my friend kindly donated two calvin n hobbes books that would otherwise be rotting in his shelves, so it was a REALLY good break (hehe).. all my last few nights lost in comics. even my dad likes calvin and hobbes! so now, im well rested and refreshed and ready for the final lap! sch tmr! im looking forward to playing after sch rather. okie let's not say it's playing, it's exercising. that i need desperately!

ohya! i was at the bus stop going home frm my cousin's house and ya knoe the front of the busstop near the road's rather sandy. and then there was a gust of wind and when i looked at the pavement again there was a big heart!! a PERFECT heart shape! how cool is that! <3 so im sharing the love` G'night and God bless+

D R U M L I N E

woohoo Drumline seriously rocks!!! i never knew military bands could be so freakin fascinating! those i saw during the syf opening ceremony's a far cry from what i saw on the tvee. that one really blew me off man! if only i could play percussion like that with that kind of passion and zest. they really make the percussion i played look so so so pathetic. and i thought i liked percussion enough. hahaah oh my gosh the world is too full of amazing things. anw i couldnt help wondering thru out the whole thing how come they can stay so coordinated. as in the director isnt there all the time and they're spread all over the place by the time the beats of the percussion travel to them wouldn't they be like off beat or something? which means they all seriously have a perfect keep of rhythm! i was already amazed enough by our local military bands.

over at jeanette's last night we watched a russell peters show on her comp too and he is seriously a pro crapper. i cant believe he can host an entire show jus standing there talkin crap. but it's GOOD crap and hilarious crap.. seriously HILARIOUS crap! he's so smart.

hee anw jeanette's house was fun! we watched the Drumline show, and a little bit of mean girls and the videos and pictures in her comp.. her family's so nice too! had dinner there :) we're gonna watch phantom on friday before cell.. hehehe.

nuts about a boy and his tiger

CALVIN AND HOBBES!!!

oh man im so nuts over calvin n hobbes!! if there is one person on earth i'd like to meet before i go meet God it'll be Bill Watterson! some ingenius guy he is! i AB-SO-LUTE-LY LOOOVEEEE his work!!
anw ive been reading a little beyond his comics, that is about Watterson and the meaning behind his characters and his comics and yadayada and it jus made all the more in awe of him, and gives my enjoyment much more meaning. here are some things i learnt and remember!

calvin (unlike what many people presume to be his son) and hobbes are named after philosphers!.. i cant remember Hobbes' one but i recall that Calvin the philosopher believes in predestination. maybe that explains why we can quote witty and wise quotes off the comic.
and watterson actually gets his fun out of his writing by disagreeing to many things that he writes about.

to my biggest suprise, calvin is the total opposite of what watterson was like as a little boy! he was pretty much a quiet and well behaved kid.. hahha totally not my guess.

hehehe and interestingly, watterson suspects that calvin has a crush on susie! jus that he expresses it by annoying her, only making her think him all the more weird. hahah it is so like the way we were during primary school! when a boy likes a girl or vice versa he just goes all the way out to irritate her to get her attention - the more annoying the better. hahahah!

and today i finally know how old calvin is.... he's SIX! ive been trying to guess but i couldnt find any trace of it in his comic strips until today. haha calvin's dad was trying to teach him how to balance on a bike..
"trust me, ok?"
"trust you? i hardly know you!"
"i'm your father!!!"
"what, for six years? when i'm 40 we'll see how things are going!"

oh yah and i discovered there's this book called "Teaching With Calvin n Hobbes"!!!!!
how cool is that! if only my language teachers had taught me english with that book. i think we should just use it as our english textbooks and learning will be so much more fun for kids! but then again, i wonder if they'll even know how to appreciate the humour that i think kinda satirises adults' take on life. WHICH is another reason why i like calvin n hobbes so much - it is
in sync with my stand that children are actually wiser than adults! so adults should jus stop being so obnoxious about being cleverer than their kids and try to brush their talk aside. when i become an adult that's the last thing i'll ever do!

and calvin does have some interesting thoughts about God too!
but i havent really read anything much about those tho..

which reminds me that because im not goin through any form of adversity right now, it means all the more to make the effort to draw closer to God because of our human nature that takes things for granted and especially forget those that are intangible and invisible to our naked eyes. so right now, jus say a little prayer of thanks, even if you're not feeling good, cos you obviously will never have nothing to be thankful for :)

hi there!
had a good weekend:)

went to st pauls yesterday morn and spent the afternoon studyin there
in the evening i went with miche to mediacorp to watch the channel U superstars film some variety show. i was pretty much enjoying the novelty of being there watching the filming live and it was honestly quite entertaining and funny! plus it was their first attempt at hosting a variety programme. thumbs up! got to hear a couple of them plus joi chua sing live on stage. they were GOOD man! and also this dance group that won a competiton at suntec 05 that's SUPER talented and they had a pretty original item :) and we saw jia's bf there in a red kellypoon FC shirt and we nearly died laughing! haha think his friend forced him to go or smthg. im glad miche forced me to go.

then we went to adam's road for dinner! YUM!! shared a stingray and a nasi lemak and i got my favourite bandung:) i only drink bandung frm adam's road. i dont usually like bandung but the one there is irresistable with LOTS of milk! and i must add that the service there's top class!woot good spicy meal.. FINALLY! i havent been eating well nothing has been appetizing enough to make me want to eat.
so miche came over and stayed for the night, finally putting my extra bed to some use:)

and i really want some more calvin n hobbes... but i can tseem to get my hands on any which is so annoying!! all i can do now is read them off the internet. boooo.....

a step from heaven

i've finished reading A Step from Heaven, the book that is nearly parallels Woman Warrior perfectly.. and it's REALLY alike woman warrior! just that it's much much more heartwarming because it's literally written in her own "voice", as in literally tracing her struggle through picking up the english language with her funny broken incomplete sentences. and it focused more on her abusive father and victimized but strong mom than on their difficulty transiting into the american society. but it was seriously a VERY good read. no regrets! hehe actually i read the ENTIRE book on tuesday(the day before my lit paper) hahah i was nuts la reading this book instead of my lit text. hee

here's the part of the book i like best!
During these months, the only act that gives me comfort is rinsing the evenign rice, my daily chore. i add the water to the pot of rice and push the hell of my hand against the rough grains. Push, swirl. Push, swirl. almost instantly a white cloud of starch rises up and turns the water opaque. Murky. The grains disapear. For a moment, it seems like all that stands in the pot is a confusion of dirty water. But if i reach underneath the cloud, feel around, there the are. Tiny seeds waiting to be rinsed and exposed like nuggets of pearls.

of course i dont draw emotional strength and comfort from washing rice the way she does but there's definately something therapeutic about washing rice! tt is why i like to cook rice. and i was so happy and amazed to realize that there is something more to the washing of rice than what it appears. i never thought any further about the rice i wash besides watching the water turn white so magically.

i'm so glad the bulk of the prelims exams is over! what a huge relief, im so glad He was there to drag me through :) i discovered i REALLY enjoy literature so much, especially when i'm studying the books that i like! namely all the ones that mr booth teaches.. i really like them!!! i cant tell you what i like about lit because i like everything about it! writing essays are seriously tiring but i really did enjoy myself even though i have realized some of what i wrote was totally out. im even considering taking literature in Uni though unlikely cos it's not a practical n wise choice. i dont look forward to teaching for the rest of my life. oh yea and lit is so easy to study, meaning it doesnt require as much effort as all the other subj, like GEOG. phoo. hee i was thinkin ya knoe God seperated us all and gave us all different languages and look at us we end up with so many conflicts among ourselves. BUT we were given the gift of so many beautiful languages! can you imagine our loss if we never knew english or chinese or french or korean? haha okay there are many others but those four are my most favourite:)

ya noe everyone's saying that us jc students look so bushed and bummed and tired and full of fatigue, which i really really am. i was on the brink of giving up my restrain from collapsing by friday evening at cell. but thenn riteeee.. when i think about it, i truly dont deserved to be comforted or praised for working so hard so that im so freakin tired. because the reason for my fatigue is because i've been lacking slp the whole week because i've been pushing my brains beyond its limit which was actually the result of me doing extra things that i shouldnt be doing! like reading a whole novel in the middle of prelims. or combing through the newspaper for hours falsely comforting myself that i am gaining knowledge that will give me an edge over others. like wasting A LOT of energy on the piano. which resulted in me burning a whole gallon of midnight oil. SO...hmm... yea

anw im glad the momentum's FINALLY going! my engine's all ready to go full blast!!
God bless everybody with the strength and wisdom to sustain us through the next couple of months :)

oh wow.. the storm out there is really crazy. this is the first time here so high up witnessing such magnificent lightning! it's so brilliant and blinding and the whole sky jus turns pink and purple! and i'm damn scared i may get electricuted any moment mwahah. quite weird it's just lightning and REALLY insane thunder but it's just drizzling outside my window.. hmm.. till today im still unsure how lightning and thunder come about.

lookin out of my window watching the storm, and what else could i have thought about? all cuddly and cosy in my room, a fleeting morbid imagination of myself darting around the buildings but in the end i got struck by the lightning and died. haha so silly. but then again it isn't entirely impossible.. and then came another morbid and vivid imagination of myself running away from a fast looming spin ball but alas, i was cacooned by hurricane katrina.. and then i stopped there cos i dunno what happens after you're swept up. and then another very morbid thought that my mom could've been the one swept away and all i did was stand there helpless. i felt really stupid but now i think it's not cos it really happened. when it's real and it's happening to me i think i'd rather die first because my heart will be torn in uncontrollable anguish and disbelieve watching my loved ones dying like that.

which gets me thinkin about the stampede that killed hundreds in Iraq - all thanks to a rumour of a suicide bomber amongst them. when i read the headlines i literally couldn't close my mouth, and then i started laughing cos it was so ridiculous! it wasnt just ridiculous it was so tragically ridiculous because so many people died and because it was only the natural way that people react to such a situation. really and sadly we're truly animals. as much as i'd like to think myself an altruist, if i were in there i wouldn't have given a shit about any other people's lives save for my parents'. right now i think im really low as a human being. what are we even with the grace of God?

anw i popped by the library earlier and i found this book. i read the blurb and i discovered it almost perfectly parallels my maxine hong lit text (my favourite one of the six)! just that she's korean. i can't wait to dig into it.. gotta wait till the weekends before i can get hooked.

hmm.. the exam mood immediately and almost entirely faded with the lightning and thunder. 'tis feeling good:) cheers!

ok i give up trying to fix the thing jus goin to wait for ju to be free to help me.
my mom jus left yesterday morning for another business trip to china, and this time she'll be gone FIVE WEEKS!! that is super freaking long:( i'm already missing her a lot.. i pray that she'll be safe and sound enjoyin herself over there.

it's starting tmr and right now, i'm really scared. which is very weird since this round of exams is not going to affect my future in ANY way whatsoever. but i'm still so scared!
i cannot believe it'll be almost over in a week! that is REALLY fast.. it's going to be one hell of a driven week.
howhow im really scared.... im goin to be needing a lot of strength from Him.

all the best to everybody and please dont be scared stupid like me, cos it doesnt make any sense to be!

ok i think i know why i'm so afraid. although i worked much harder than before, i know this is still not hard enough. and God punishes the lazy who dont work hard enough and hope that He will save them. i think this applies to me.. ):

help!!

hi there!
here i am tryin to change my template! haha but im really terrible at this.
does anybody know how to shift the picture and the tagboard column upward??

well..meanwhile hang in there! prelims are almost over! in just one and a half week's time..
and i've sworn not to be discouraged by preliminaries and look towards the A levels!
HERE COMES THE BLACK HORSE!!!!!

why did the teddy bear cross the road?

"..his head was as bald as the palm of my hand; but his hair in falling seemed to have stuck to his chin, and had prospered in the new locality, for his beard hung down to his waist...and the passion of his life is pigeon-flying."

!!!!! it's said in such a matter of fact manner it's so hilarious! O_O ahhhahah.. imagine strands of grey hair floating down through the air and getting attached magnet-like to his chin, 'prospering in its new locality'. HAHA!
guess which book that came from?

how do you catch a cloud and pin it down?
how do you hold a moonbeam in your hand?

wheeee i just watched sound of music AGAIN yesterday! i think i can memorize the whole show i've watched it a zillion times my entire life. BUT i can never get tired of it.. it's truly a timeless classic that every family should share! and i like every single song in the show.. i can memorize all of them too!! almost at least... hee.
anw to my horror, i did a little looking up and i discovered that the lead actor, christopher Plummer, DESPISES the show! he called it the sound of mucus.......?!!?? who knows why he starred in it then. but then again it shot him to hollywood fame. anw i'm so disillusioned! how can i watch the show again knowing that capt von trapp actually hates what he's doing. i wish i didnt know.

and....im finally getting curtains! THIS time, i got to choose:) it's orange n yellow with pretty flowers as the motif! i bet it's going to look very cheerful! especially in the morning sun which my room gets APLENTY. ( it's my alarm clock every single morning)
and....my father jus went down to ikea to help me get some shelves for my books! it's goin to go under my window sill.. FINALLY! no more books all over the place
blessings blessings!

:)

calvin and hobbes

did ya catch the sunset today?
it was exceptionally exotic

i didnt know calvin and hobbes was THIS funnie!! wah lao it's SUPER FREAKING FUNNY!!! he's UNBELIEVABLE. why didn't i realize it any sooner and deprive myself of such brilliant amusement. salute to watterson!

mm my dinner was very yummy albeit pathetic... and they say it's good to eat your dinner like a pauper. (cos you'll get indigestn if you eat so much n then go to sleep)

stabilo

wah freak this is no good. i am SO stressed i'm goin to explode any moment. no wonder they say this is even worse than exams in uni. wah laooooooooo... thank goodness my fuse isn't shrinking yet. but yea extremely pressured. doenst help that im crawling thru my study plans. i've taken to mak's advice and do a weekly one instead of unrealistic daily ones.. so as ju says, i can at least choing during the weekends. wah if i make it this time, it'll be an immense blessing from above.
and it also doesnt help when i have other worries.. i wish they could jus solve their own problems and such.. at least things are looking up at home. i really have no more energy to go bother about other people's issues but i also cannot help being concerned.

how come this period of preparations differ so vastly from what it was like two years ago? i remember i thoroughly enjoyed those last few months of intense studying. and i think i was in quite a similar state. bleagh how come it's not that enjoyable anymore? wah those days were good.. maybe it's zhaoxin HAHA.

and i had a nice surprise today! my m'sian cousin finally subscribed to msn so now i can chat with her online:) and she even called my mobile! i miss her so much. i didnt go down to m'sia this year for the new year so i haven't seen her in almost two years! and guess what! she's an air stewardess and she said that after my exams i can join her on one of her long flights! wow so exciting can! i'll jus have to cover part of my air ticket and for the rest i can share her accomodation and transport blahblah. =D whoo something to REALLY look forward to. im definately goin down to KL to visit her family so i can join her from there. sounds good? i hope this will come true la.. all my post exams plans always dont come into existence. hehehe ;)

eye of the storm

everything is going wrong, as tho a hurricane jus swept through my home and this time there's no way i can avoid the destruction..

but admist this mess, i know something is going right, i just know it! i know that all i have to do is to follow wherever the steadfast finger points.. freak, i'm even excited about it! weird as it may be. no actually it isn't cos now i really know what this JOY is all about. YES!!!!!!!! hahahahah :D

dear friends, i jus wanna say that time is really everything. be patient and He'll show you.. in His time He will.. trust Him. YES! byeeeee...........

oh man.. one by one we're falling ill.. first it was sher...then jang.. then guess who?.... my throat's incredulously, unbelievably itchy and painful!!!!!!!!! i cant stop coughing!!!!!

hm but then again, this is a good opportunity to start detoxicing my body or however u call that haha. i usually dont drink enough water so this is really forcing gallons of water down my throat and clearing my body of whatever dirt that should be gettin out :) so owelll....! i jus hope the sore throat wont worsen else i cannot enjoy my foooooddd!!!

hee anw i jus went to explore the webbie of yummy fish snack.. you know the colourful fishies.. pfgoldfish.com or something.. hmm mayb you can go there and play the game and tell me if you ever find Finn cos i cant!!!!! i suspect it's impossible.. it's meant for little kids n yet me, 17 year old cant find the ans?!?! perhaps wisdom comes with youth...

a friend from church fwd me his photos from his trip to cambodia doin missionary work i think.. kinda surprised and i dont know if it was sent by mistake but i'm glad he did! there were so many pictures and it literally took me all the way there and amongst them :) i liked the ones on pol pot's genocide. i've read about him before quite a few times in national geographic or was it readers' digest but i've never seen all those stuffs that i saw in the photos, like their torture equipments and techniques... all the skeleton heads on the shelves and their clothes.. the trauma suddenly seemed so real through the pictures. i'd like to go there and take a look for myself.

story of Barabbas

this is from a book that *miche lent me:-

'Let me tell you a story. Have you ever heard of Barabbas?'
'You mean the murderer whow as a fellow prisoner of Jesus?'
'Yes that's the one. it was the Jewish custom to release a prisoner at the time of the Passover. Pilate(the king) asked the Jews whom he should release - Jesus or Barabbas.'
'I remember, and they chose Barabbas.'
'Right! Now just imagine - Barabbas was free an was walking through the streets of Jerusalem on that Good Friday. He saw the crowds of people streaming out ot Golgotha and follwed them. When he arrived there, whom did he see?'
'Jesus on the cross.'
'You learned your lesson well at that village school.'
'I heard the story often, but it never meant anything to me.'
'Now listen, Barabbas recognized his fellow prisoner. Suddenly it dawned on him: If Jesus were not hanging there... Can you finish the sentence, Fatma?'
'Then I would be in His place'
'Yes, Fatma you would. and I would. Both of us would.'
We were both silent and watched the water swirling.
'Continue the story.'
'Imagine what Barabbas might have thought. "It's unjust that He dies. after all, i am the murderer, not He. I have deserved death, not He. all i can do now is to kill myself."'
'He would have been foolish.'
'Exactly, just as foolish as you would be if you jumped down there. [fatma had wanted to commit suicide because she felt she couldn't bear the burdens of all her mistakes] The death you have deserved Jesus has already died. Since His death, every suicicde is too late. It's unnecessary. You are free. Free like Barabbas.'

i've read the story of Barabbas before and i've watched the Gospel of John before n saw how He'd died in Barabbas' place.. but it's never hit me this hard- that even if I tried, i can't die cos He has already died for me. His sacrifice has never been put across any more clearly to me than by this perspective that the author offered.

although this book is about marriage and i am about a decade away from it, God offered many insights that mean something to me at this point of time in my life. Above all, i saw how He would guide us when we allow Him to, to trust Him totally because when He brings you to it, He'll bring you through it. it gave me a little more confidence in my trusting of His timings and purposes. i've been trying very hard to let Him lead me, seek advice and answers from Him but i dont seem to be getting anywhere and im very unsure of what i should do, or rather if what i am doing is what He wants me to be doing.. i dont trust myself enough to trust Him.

hee anw today's sushi buffet was siao! we didnt have the stamina to finish all three hours worth of food. hahahh and it was super comical the way we were competing between tables and planning the best eating strategy to make full use of the 2.5 hrs we had! i'm so glad i got to try lotsa other kinds of sushi that i've never had before:)

making a come back....

i jus clicked on ilovemylittletoes.blogspot.com and lo and behold.. was i immensely delighted with the array of bright colours before me! mann... i miss the energy the red orange and yellow gives:) (ahem think jia mwahah). whoo.. feels goood...

okay so i jus wanted to say that a little portion of the boulders i was carrying on my shoulders has been heaved off... big thanks to Him for answering my grace during lunch today =) i am relieved and i was SO surprised!! well u see, i lost my wallet last monday.. rather, i gathered that it must have been stolen given the circumstances of how it went missing. =( travelling arnd w/o my ezlink is HELL. seriously. argh. so i wanted to replace it quickly BUT, unfortunately, to my dismay, i realized my ID/birthcert/passport is in my prev home living quietly in my parents' safe.. and i didn't know how to ask my dad for it.. cos i was EXTREMELY sure i was gonna get a super dressing down for my carelessness.. so i was kinda stressed bout approaching him n thinkin of a way out to get my ID without lying as far as possible... but still yea... hmm

SO this evening, he miraculously returned home with.. MY ID!!!!! i was so happy!! thank GOd really =) what a relieve! i am goin to make a new card tmr =)

anw.. to add on to my financial crisis.. i currently owe the class fund...SIXTY BUCKS!!!! argh...
but on the sunny side, that's just ten dollars a week for one and a half months! ...out of the 50 bucks i get a week, it's pretty ok i guess.. just cut down my savings and consumption. =)

ya know, i'm really not used to receiving GREAT stuff... really really good things seldom come my way(not that im insufficiently blessed).. so when they do happen, it's so unbelievable and difficult to accept.. it's as tho i dont deserve this feast that has been placed before me..ya know, too good to be true.. hmm.. i really dont know what to do. wake up my idea?

not that i deserve it
but i still receive it

he said,
if the world hates you, just remember it hated me first.
if you belong to the world, the world will love you on its own;
but i chose you and you do not belong to it, that's why the world hates you.

oh man..i'm so terribly bummed out from the comp and my brains have been fried red and black by the sun so that i can't pick any of my books up to study anymore. hehe but i still can use the computer huh. since i stepped home i've been lying on my bed listening to music and resting for hours.. and it JUST JUST JUST occured to me that i have only four days to prepare for four subjects worth of CAs..that's an average of one subj a day..HOW IS THAT HUMANLY POSSIBLE!??!?!?? hai looks like i'm done for AGAIN this time. *splat* im too tired to care already.
i'm even too lazy to get started on my yoghurt making. seriously i'm so lazy i sometimes cannot believe myself! sheesh man... i dream so much but i tell you none of them will ever come true cos i'm far too lazy for my own good. all i have are feelings and short-lived passions and even those dont materialize cossss i'm tooooooooo lazy. right now the only thing that is keeping me from goin to bed is the hor fun i'm waiting for my dad to buy on his way home:) yummmm no way im missing that for sleep. haiyohhhhhhhahar ok i think i know why i'm so lazy... bcos i have no sense of URGENCY!!! i've developed a way of thinking that everything will somehow or rather sooner or later take care of itself so there's no point worrying unnecessarily about it. thus, i always think that even if i keep failing and failing and failing somehow or rather i will still do well for my A levels cos im a lucky girl at important exams. so i have this nevermind-la-won't-die attitude. oh man i think God is going to teach me a lesson sooner or later.. nobody can ever be THIS lucky without putting in a drop of sweat. and He'll only help those who want to help themselves. aiyoh good luck to me i'd better buck up..

i've just found the perfect way to improve my chinese -- watch A LOT of taiwanese drama serials! mwahahh this is what i call learn and enjoy learning haahah nvm that it's a cheaterbug way and an excuse to watch shows. :)

i just found my mom's yoghurt maker while digging around the kitchen cupboards. im goin to make my own home-made yoghurt! it seems pretty easy and i may not have to spend my money on yami yoghurt anymore if mine turns out yummy =D

okay and everyone pray that my sprained thumb heals fast..it's actually already almost recovered just that i can't apply too much strength on it and hopefully tmr nobody's going to ram into it :S

beginnings

"the only thing for us to do is to live life with renewed excitement and wonder, because each day is such a brand new experience, with new tastes, new views, new visions, new smells, new parts to discover within us and outside of us..."

that is why i love beginnings, i love new things and i love changes - for its feeling of overwhelming freshness! but of course, it seldom lasts and after a while, it'll simply fade into monotony or habit. so we've gotta search for our own little beginnings everyday so that we can always be renewing ourselves and revisiting this particular freshness. like today, i just changed my drinking cup from a round cup to a square cup. hahaha i've gotta drink from the edge of the cup... and dont you agree you feel good everytime you use a new pen? there's another reason why besides being able to write smoothly witha lot of ink:)
but there's the flip side - i get bored and tired of things and distracted easily. haha like the woodcutter in Woodpile?

Dusk, i realized then is just an illusion, because the sun is either above the horizon or below it. and that means that day and night are linked in a way few things are; there cannot be one without the other, yet they cannot exist at the same time. how would it feel, i remember wondering, to be always together, yet forever apart?

that was noah..beautiful quote from The Notebook by nicholas sparks.

railway track!

man i'm bushed! but what an evening! chris josh and i went down to the railway tracks today to take photosss it's the m'sian one tt we're actually not supposed to enter. it was beeeaaauuutifuuul!! a little out of this world.. tt's all i can manage hahahh i had a lot of nice thoughts down there but they're kinda muddled up in my head. u've gotta see it for urself to know what i mean.. mm and tt's if u like the place (plus all the funny insects) :)

first time i tried my hands at proper photography! it's SURPRISINGLY interesting! i'd have enjoyed it 3498584 times better if i hadn't needed the toilet and was in the proper attire like shoes and long pants. i was in my school skirt and slippers!! yeap but definately a good first time i wouldnt mind trying my hands at it again :D

strangers in harmony

on the train, an indian couple sat beside a chinese family and the little girl was sitting beside the couple. and the indian lady kept smiling at the little girl and even cupped her cheeks n commenting to her husband how adorable she is (my guess) hahhah okae. hee anw the little girl grinned back at her and her mom smiled at the lady too! u noe how our govt's so proud bout our different races being able to live together in harmony. but it's true! and it's a very warm feeling. and not to mention they were strangers. :)

oh mannnn i'm so sad! i lost all the essays i wrote when i was in sec 4 :( those were my favourites and my best ones. though i may have soft copies of them, they wont have ms ong's comments and notes and smiley faces. have been searching for them the whole morning. aaahhhhh they're so precious n they're gone.... oh k i didnt go to sch today again! haahah yest cos of my throat and today cos i woke up late i forgot to on my alarm. my neighbour's over right now! she brought some funny yam pudding made taiwanese style with all the herbal stuffs inside. ahahah i tried a bit out of politeness :S didnt taste good. i dont like herbal foods cept herbal chicken :D
ohdear please pray i'll find my essays... im quite upset over it:(

swirling

my life is kinda in a swirl now.. my mind cant seem to be focused. cos there are so many things i want to care about and do, so many things sweeping me away from my usual world, so many things inspiring me, so many things distracting me. and then i try to do all of them, neglecting the most pressing thing (u noe the usual sch work) and it feels ugh cos i have to face the music and shoulder the burden of unfinished work. so instead of an upward swirl, it's a downward swirl. so i should try to reverse its direction yes?

jus now while pushing myself through the prac crit, i had a sudden REAL fear of the A levels. i dont wanna sit for it and run away somehow. heh it's times like these i feel like i want to get married right away and have children and take care of a family and that's it! right now i seriously dont mind time flying ahead hahah but ah my marriage had better be good else i'd rather stay the way it is now heh.

ohyes watch more shows and vcds! but good ones. they're the best way to get educated really!

i learnt one lesson today. never ever try surviving on a few hours of sleep cos it's a waste of your day! i went arnd like some zombie in a daze and learnt nothing felt nothing enjoyed nothing : bleagh

=D!!!!!!!!!! ----> hahah okay that says it all! nites zzzzzZZZ!