i think the main point of my urban geog module is... that the poor are always and will always be marginalized. hahah i really think this is all i learnt from my module. whatever topic whatever reading, i juuuust can pick this issue out.
it's sad, but it's reality man in our capitalist world. but then again right, think about the world that the rich indulge in.. it's just a fantasy and an imagined world the marketeers throw up to hoax their moolah out. my urban retail readings got me thinkin.. everything that people generally live in and live for today are created by other people. how pathetic is that.. it's really not easy resisting being bought into that kind of fantasy.
i honestly find a lot more meaning in living for a great God.

this is a little crazy it's two weeks to finals and i've barely begun my preparations! still into assignments and projects that have yet to be finished!! and the weird part is.. im not really panicking.

i've jus applied for a change of faculty from bizad to arts =) i can't wait for next sem to come!! lookin forward to exploring the E modules! so many people are telling me this wasnt really a gd decision cos a general arts degree is no where nearly as marketable as a bizad degree and tt itself is already a very general degree. but university is our once in a lifetime chance, dont you want to thoroughly enjoy it? if we're passionate about what we're studying, it'll make aceing university so much more easier! the thought of going through the rest of my bizad mods and then majoring in something that is pretty interesting but not as exciting as what i'd like to do isnt' appealing:( and above all, the most important thing is that i know this is my calling and i'm comfortable and at peace with my decision. what God has installed for me, i know it will be along this path. as pastor told me, take it a step at a time.. why be so impatient and path out my future for myself? besides, i know that my personality is not suited for the finance sector or the corporate world, and i'd like to venture into fields where i get to deal with children.

oyea i met a friend of a friend this afternoon who is a social work fresh graudate. he just applied for a job as prison counsellor! cool.. anw we were talkin about the fields of research and the modules that were being explored and taught in nus.. and i asked about the kids, and he said there's actually pretty little concentration on it in nus cos most of e lecturers here specialize in other fields and people are usually interested in youths and teenagers rather than children!

the most amazing part was my mom.. she actually gave me the go ahead! i never knew she had so much faith in me that i knew what i was doing! i really thought she was going to insist that i stay in bizad. gosh.. God's miracle. hahah. i was really unbelievably touched.. it means so much to me! although my dad was pretty disappointed, i know that if i work hard to do well, i'll show him the wisdom of God's guidance, and tt being financially well off isnt the most important in life.

i'm glad that i took this step and did something about the change tt i felt i should make. it's very different from the person i usually am.. i'd have sucked it in and jus live with it, and i thank God for the courage He gave me cos the fear of disappointing my parents and regretting this decision was so real and big despite my desire and prayers. and now i see why He closed the doors of smu on me. i wouldnt have had this option if He hadn't!

hi y'all! heez havent said anything here in such a long while! =)

if ya happen to be feelin squashed up, STRESSED!, and every day is mundane n meaningless, just hang on in there! well stay positive and enjoy what u gotta do cos it's all in the mind.... God didnt give us life to make us cry!

heh. whoever it was who told me that if i could survive jc, uni would be peanuts... you're SO WRONG! hahah anw i just discovered why my university education has been so dull so far... cos i hardly put in any effort to read up on my own! a couple of modules that i'm taking are level 2 modules and i thought they were pretty difficult cos i'm so lost in them. but with all e projs coming up i'm forced to research and comb the library for them and my my! all the yummy stuffs in there haha! wow man i love browsing thru the picture books! anw it's not boring anymore i'm beginning to understand why dr mac loves her work so much :) there are so many ideas out there and people with so much to say and offer!

okie dokie

love out!
i'll let u know when november's here, i cant wait for next week to be over!

anw here's a hello to pam! :)

i'm back from a fully maximised one month trip to m'sia! it was really a lot of fun, and the best part was seeing all of my extended family there. their hospitality's a 10/10, really! and the food.. my goodness. superb. i picked up a few receipes =D
the best part of the entire month was snorkling at tioman island!! we spent the whole day island hopping in our speedboat. i was kissed by so many fishes!! wow it's really amazing it was as if i'd entered an entirely different world and when i put my head out of the water for a while to rest it felt so remote and weird. anw my uncle said that there are too many sea urchins among the corals. two years later there will be none left!! =( and we saw a clownfish and the guide took a sea cucumber out for us! if you squeeze the sea cucumber its muscles will tense and it'll be as hard as rock! pity we couldnt find the baby sharks and the turtles.. i really wanna go back there! maybe the next time we'd go to redang to snorkle. i heard it's even better than tioman island

well.. school is going to start soon and it's time to get mentally prepared for it. and i'm reallye xcited about staying at the university hall =D

phhfhffffttttt!!!

good news: next week's my last week at MOL and then i'll be in m'sia!

work is getting worse and worse and WORSE! the most unimaginable happened. this guy that mich n i nicknamed 'edward' just got transferred to my dept and he sits less than 2m away from me when i spent 2 mths trying to avoid going anywhere near him. and i really hate to say this but he gives me serious creeps. i wont say why or what he did here but UGHGHGH!!! all the while it was peaceful and relaxed arnd here and now he has to come. SPOILER ok. =( i just try to pretend he doesnt exist.
next: mich has left =(

on the bright bright side, JOthebanana is coming next week! =D oh no how am i to leave her with 'edward' alone? jo can look so fierce i hope she'll make him cry. she and jessie will become good friends hahaha. jessie is super cute. she'd have been a funky grandmama. oh yea and james. james is our colleague who worked with josh and zee when they were here. i used to think he was a superuber cool guy who just wears darkglasses and smokes. the REAL cool kind not the wannabe kind.quiet and aloof; he'd rather be left alone. but now that image of him has totally been shattered. hahahah. perfect example of never judging a book by its cover. i really enjoy spending our lunchtime reading while eating. reading should be a group activity.

i went down to jacks place last night n we went off for supper at some funny ah meng cafe nearby to celebrate ju's birthday and her scholarship thing. ju gave us a treat!! =) huge treat. soooo much food! thank you juu!
and a happy bithday to ju and nana*! haha i was wondering how come her name had the * thing cos im not in the habit of doing that to the contacts in my phone. haha now i remember that she told me to do something else to her name cos she didnt want it to be nana-RJC.

and after supper i was a little worried cos i THOUGHT i was keeping my dad up. every minute that im not home he gets a min less sleep. in the end i went home and he was sleeping SOUNDLY. hahah. and i woke him up when i called home just in case he was worried or smthg. sheesh he totally forgot i wasnt home and he was cursing that person who called in the middle of the night. hahahaha so funny and unlike my father. he's still fixing up shelves in another room now =)

love isn't easy but it definately is a beautiful thing
so cheesy hahahh

hi pam! thanks for chasing away aunty nisha =D hahah no la. thanks for dropping by! i hope all's well in australia and how's the little birdie that visits u in the morning? there was one right, provided i remembered wrongly. hee. God bless you too :)

shucks i think i've just deglorifed God in my workplace by doing all those illegal things i wasn't supposed to be doing. the only thing i didnt know i couldnt do was to listen to music. sheesh man.

hello to isaiah and tab too! =D

right now i'm feeling pissed off cos i kinda got stood up and i wasted time and energy. i dont pang seh my friends provided i really have no other choice which is rare. i dont understand why i'm forever in this kind of muddle. i was really mad because it ALWAYS HAPPENS. it's not just one person but everybody seems to be doing it. if i ever stood you up and you were upset with me, i'm really sorry, i know it's a very horrid feeling. i usually try to find the bright side of situations but i can't find anything good out of wasting time on stupid underground trains that suck my brain juices out. i think i ever mentioned my dislike for travelling underground. plus i paid a roundtrip fare but that doesnt really matter.

if there's anything positive about this, it's making my plunging tolerance level starkly apparent. self check time! my once sky high tolerence level and patience that even amazed myself has once again taken another dip. actually, this could be a good thing. others will think twice before pushing me around. and i shouldnt try to plan so much.

yesterday my dad fixed up shelves at home. wow! i think he did a fantastic job. my home looks much better now. this has nothing to do with shelves, but i think my father provides my best example for unconditional love.

sigh.. i hate being angry. it makes me feel so petty and narrow-minded.

wow it's so breezy today, ive been living in the desert for a month already. today's damn shiok! i didn't go to work! i woke up a little later ( a LITTLE only cos miche woke me up!) and i went to holland v to meet her, youzi and jia for pretty little jia's birthday! and i'm so happy she liked the bookmark card i made her (hah! she thought i bought it). i think i have potential in oil artwork! really i love playing with crayons and the stuffs that come out are pretty nice although they're basically only boring drawings of nature. i really love the gifts that my friends made for me becuase it's so so personal; each stroke of the marker or idea and every second put into their card or box or whatever it is is like a thought for me.

anyway, after lunch jia n i went back to rj to see ms ngin and whoever we could find. haha in the end we bumped into her at the lift lobby and we only got to talk to mr lee. and this is very slow but i just SAW how skinny mr bryan lagman has become!!! goodness!! unrecognizable!!! 0_0 what a determined dieter! and this is even slower but i just found out what MIT is today. hahahha sheesh i never ever cared about this kindaf stuffs.

and here i am at home relaxing for a couple of hours eating eel and drinking milo before i go out for dinner again. THIS IS SO SHIOK! the breeze is making feel very very very drr...oowww..sssyyyy...... i realize i haven't seen my home in the afternoon in a very long while.

btw i really want to quit my job already. it's super boring and pointless and meaningless. the only thing keeping me goin is the $$$ cos i need it for my KL trip. my mom said she can lend me some first but that's not really helping cos i have to return it to her anyway right. the other things that kept me going was the internet, videos, miniclips, music, novels... but yesterday we got a ticking off from HR manager saying that we have poor working attitude cos we do all of the above at work. or rather I. and the managers are very unhappy about it. okay so now i cannot do any of those anymore then i can might as well wait for my braincells to vanish one by one. mayb i can quit this friday and then go and waitress at Vines for a couple of weeks then come back in july and work for another month before school starts. wah, how did the two boys stay there for FOUR months?!?

okay i wanna go and play the piano =D it's collecting dust. a LOT of dust.
adios!

p.s. can somebody tag PLEASE so that the aunty nisha armpit hair thing will go away. hahahah

I saw this in my email inbox today, sent by my cousin:

"This poem was written by a terminally ill young girl in a New York Hospital. It was sent by a medical doctor - Make sure to read what is in the closing statement AFTER THE POEM.

SLOW DANCE

Have you ever watched kids?

On a merry- go- round?

Or listened to the rain

Slapping on the ground?

Ever followed a butterfly's erratic flight?

Or gazed at the sun into the fading night?

You better slow down.

Don't dance so fast.

Time is short.
The music won't last.

Do you run through each day
On the fly?
When you ask How are you?
Do you hear the reply?
When the day is done
Do you lie in your bed
With the next hundred chores
Running through your head?

You'd better slow down
Don't dance so fast.
Time is short.
The music won't last.

Ever told your child,
We'll do it tomorrow?
And in your haste,
Not see his sorrow?
Ever lost touch,
Let a good friendship die
Cause you never had time
To call and say,"Hi"

You'd better slow down.
Don't dance so fast.
Time is short.
The music won't last.

When you run so fast to get somewhere
You miss half the fun of getting there.
When you worry and hurry through your day,
It is like an unopened gift....Thrown away.

Life is not a race.
Do take it slower
Hear the music
Before the song is over.
*--------------------*

*FORWARDED E-MAILS ARE TRACKED TO OBTAIN THE TOTAL COUNT.*
Dear All:PLEASE pass this mail on to everyone you know - even to those you>don't>>know!>>It is the request of a special girl who will soon>leave this world>due to>>cancer.>>This young girl has 6 months left to live, and as>her dying wish, she>>wanted to send>>a letter telling everyone to live their life to the>fullest, since>she>>never will.>>She'll never make it to prom, graduate from high>school, or get>married>>and have a>>family of her own.>>>>By you sending this to as many people as possible,>you can give her>and>>her family a little hope,>>because with every name that this is sent to, The>American Cancer>Society>>will donate 3 cents>>per name to her treatment and recovery plan.>>>>One guy sent this to 500 people! So I know that we>can at least send>it to>>5 or 6 --->>(just think, it could be you one day).>>>>It's not even your money, just your time!>>>>PLEASE PASS ON AS A LAST REQUEST>>>>Dr. Dennis Shields>>Professor>>Department of Developmental and Molecular Biology>>1300 Morris Park Avenue>>Bronx, New York 10461"

My answer is yes to everything. i have observed a butterfly's erratic flight, but i still live my life in a blurry rush. this poem is one among many many reminders that i've come across in my entirely life telling us to slow down and breathe life for all it's worth. but i really wonder if anybody actually remembers it after a while.
life from the perspective of a dying person is always so intense. and they always seem wiser. hahah.. does dying make you wise?

anw is this pass-the-mail-forward thing true? i mean there are SO SO SO SO MANY GAZILLION of such mails!! i receive one every two days you know. i forward some of them just in case it's true and i'd otherwise deprive them of more donations.

this is pretty exciting! i'm goin to kl in june (without my parents=D) to visit my cousins and their family and then we're goin to drive up to genting and some beach resort. and then i'll go for my church camp at port dickson for four days and then go back to kl. and then we'll take a train up to kedah to visit my grandparents and stay there for a while. and then i'll come back to singapore with my cousin! wow i think it can easily last me a whole month! and it's so great i'll be spending time with my relatives from m'sia cos the only time i see them's during cny. and my grandparents! they're getting old... my grandpa called today and to my horror i realized it was the first time i actually chatted with him in my 18 years. i'm so glad he sounded very excited that we're goin up this june he was like YOU'RE MOST WELCOMED!!!! COME AND EAT GOOD FOOD! hahah i promised my mom i'd pick some cooking skills from my grandma. she's one mean cook! kl definately isn't the most exotic and fantastic holiday destination but it certainly is good enough for me! and i wanna go up kedah peak and camp there for a night in their spooky lil chalets with old bbq pits hahah. but then again it probably isnt very wise cos it's unsafe. anyhowww, i'm very excited!!!

AUNTY NISHA

i'm at aunty nisha's house now. suffering from the fumes of her armpit hair!!! (oh btw in case u were wondering, aunty nisha's alias is rebecca tan ying ya)

Rebecca: Whatever xintian....but mostly THANKS to bryan low yi teng... tsktsk...

her armpit hair is so thick and long she cant close her arms properly.
u need perfume just ask. hahahh
I LOVE AUNTY NISHA!!

hi all!
my love for C&H hasn't died and WILL NEVER DIE! i still love them so much!!! but im having a hard time trying to get all the books in the calvin n hobbes series, quite a lot there are!

i didnt know my sec sch juniors have a blog for our section till tonight! aiii... they're too cute. hahahh :D and us seniors are not forgotten!! i can see our names on the screen! woots! and they say they love the section wowww! now i have double the guilt of not visiting for eons. oh gosh how i miss those days, dont get me started! and i'm so so so happy that my juniors, most of whom i have never even met, are enjoying themselves the way i did! it looks kinda cheesy and nothing-better-to-do and all -the way us teeny boppers are so enthusiastic over this seemingly insignificant and uncool music we make (ya know compared to all e music the world produces), but hah! u're so wrong! back then in sch sports ccas and dance were always the in thing and the rest like US co and choir and band were always the not so popular choices. haha anw i'm glad that most of my friends and classmates in my sch enjoyed what we did whether it was sports or not. wherever there's passion, it will shine!

and today is DAY 1 of another life changing process!
i wasn't accepted for smu's business. grrr.. they put me in their social sciences. i was so disappointed i had to bury my face in my hands for a while.. nono no tears
owell if that's God's choice then there must be something awaiting!
hehe.. the thought of campus life in the hostel definately got me going! i went to my desk and took out the NUS booklets again and poured thru them. WAH so many camps! so should i go for the odac one or the VCF one? and i rang beck and asked her to persuade her parents to let her stay at the hostel so she can bunk with me. and she told me to talk to her dad for a while.. and guess what? her dad said yes in less than 10 secs! HAHAH! so funny! poor yelling becky! heehee can u imagine? it'll be stayoverday everyday! and "hey beck since u're washing ur socks why dont you wash mine too?" hahahaah and "XINTIAN!!!!!!!!!!! WE'RE LATEEEE!!! WAKE UP!!!!!!" wah this one confirm 5000%.
i wonder what ccas they have and i want to try floorball out thanks to JO.
and then im goin to the library and dig out some biz management books so i have some idea on what i'm goin to study. honestly i'm pretty clueless to the curriculum hahahah
anyway, the point is, i'm going to my best! this is my LAST hurdle at education! and God is going to help me =D

first week of word at ministry of law wasn't too bad. in fact, it got pretty enjoyable towards the end of the week as i got more comfy with my space and familiar with the work.
on the first two days, the only two things i felt was frustration and boredom. i couldnt understand anything i was doing or what was required. ive never heard of nearly all the funny terms before and these things are totally out of my sphere of interest.
haha but now it's just getting more routine with the reviewing. and reading bankruptcy letters, stories and actually meeting them in person proved my stupid attitude wrong.

haha anyhow, i discovered the BEST coffee i've ever tasted in my entire life after my colleague treated us to coffee and curry puffs one morning. seriously, it's SO good! but but..it has very high caffeine content me think. which resulted in a crazy heart thumping adrenaline high friday. haha it was nuts la! i couldnt breathe properly my heart was pounding and i kept shaking my legs in my chair! hahah. obviously i couldnt concentrate on my work and i spent my time trying to disturb miche. since saying no to that coffee is impossible, i'd just have half a cup.

i think my managers at jacks place are really very understanding and kind people. it's rare to meet such nice supervisors, esp from what i hear around talkin to my other frens who work. im still working at jacks place in the evenings after work haha. it's a little crazy, but surprisingly, it didnt turn out as bad and draining as i thought it'd be. it was, just not that bad. and i think i can take it so i'd continue holding two concurrent jobs.

officially feeling very very bored. i thought it was great i got nearly the whole week off from work since i've been working quite a bit the past few weeks and im a little tired. so i have nothing to do now.. though there are some books waiting for me in my room.

hmm.. iwent for a facial earlier. it's been sometime since iwent to one. ouch it hurt quite a lot though it wasnt as bad as the first time iwent. that experience was incomparable. i had so muchdirt under my skin to remove and it hurt so much i really thought i was dead and after that i looked like the monster from under your bed for about four days. haha today she tried to put this iced mask on my skin and it was SO so so cold! together with my fresh facial wounds, it felt like iwas attacked by a pot of queen ants and after a while i just felt like a popsicle. and after some more aaahs and helps she decided we were both better off without it on my face. anyway i feel really clean now :)

so tmr im finally going to exercise a little playing tennis with my classmates! haha i have no idea how im goin to play. according to the last time i tried my hands at it we had a good workout picking the balls up. hopefully i'll learn a little bit more tmr ;)

hi there!
ive been missing for a pretty long while...just pretty long. haha well i'm still feeling sour about not being able to view my own blog cos it's stuck far far behind in the time machine for some funny reason. i cant view any blog's jan and feb posts..weird.

anw thanks jean for the layout it's marvellous! hahah personalized. :) hehe.

so....ive been working and playing hard lately. i really like having lots of time to myself. ya know time that i can spend the way i like haha. even work cannot dictate the way i want to arrange my day because all i do now is adhoc teaching and part time waitressing. so i can reject teaching calls and arrange my own waitressing schedule which makes my working timings very flexible. and i like spending my own money :) haha. fruits of my own labour. i like not having to depend on my parents for pocket money i hope i'll never have to. im really enjoying this i hope school will never have to start.but it inevitably will so i hope that when school starts i'll be able to find some way to keep this up. i dont want to just study it's boring.

and... some things have grown kind of complicated lately and i really dont want it to affect my spiritual growth but i have to admit it is. blah it's so difficult to keep focus but there is no choice -i have to keep focus. i guess the only possible reason for things to go course is myself.

anw hi ju! haha thanks for dropping by and finding nothing to read. maybe you can try rereading the entire blog =D

and hi to anybody who still visits here and i wish you well always

tata~

i tried to change my blog template but it just refuses to be published. or maybe it did but i can't see it. haha never mind =)

i haven't written here in quite a while, and during this long while i've lived through so many moments and feelings that i never thought i'd quite experience haha but these experiences are ones that i'd want to remember and treasure. i learnt so much more about myself, things that even surprised me,and many other people.

it's never any harm reaching out and going an extra mile to help or to know somebody better and go make a difference, cos i want to tell you what i got in return were inmaterial things that are so special i cant tell you how much they mean to me. I did things that i'd always wanted to do but never had the courage to, and i'm so thankful God gave me the courage to because it is very unlike myself. i learnt that God doesnt put people and situations right in front of my eyes under my nose for no reason. there's ALWAYS a reason and there's always something that He'd like me to do. gosh i'm SO happy right now i feel like my chest is goin to burst with joy :)
whatever becomes of the next five months of my holidays, i dont know what to expect, but i hope i'll be able to make it as meaningful as the past couple of months have been. i'll definately be trying out other new things cos seven-months-holidays dont come by all the time. THIS is how i've always wanted my holidays to be like.

oh and another thing, jean is right - my instincts are one of my greatest gifts.