sovereignty

remember my post titled "probability"?

discussion about the interconnectedness of the sacred and the sovereign (among many other things) was tossed about in a very very draining and complex pol geog reading for this week - The Complexity of Sovereignty. there is absolutely no way I can put down the entire mess of thoughts (my own and the author's) here cause they're all still floating around and I can't get hold of them.

in the last pol geog class, our class talked about how power is circulatory. power has to come from somewhere for it to be given to its beholder to perform that power. power is also relational because those under authority are the ones who have to first recognize the authority in order for it to exist and be performed. yup so power goes about in circles.. but then where does it originate from? where and when is the starting point in that circle?

God's work

my father passed me something from our postbox today that made me really really happy (:
you know i think of the things that have been happening recently... and I can only say that God is doing something. it can't be anything else! he's doing something that excites me to my bones. Actually, i think He's doing quite a few things!

I am really looking forward to doing all these.. to being a part of his team. to see how he works and all, and to experience them so close to my heart... sharing in these experiences with people i love a lot. I want to see how God uses prayer to change things too... how he uses them to work. I want to see how he provides and eventually delivers through the rough and pitted roads. I want to see his magic!

today i thought a little bit about prayer. i thought about how difficult it is to change my pre(mis)-conception of what prayer is. people say that God works through prayer. i often have this idea in my head that prayers are generated from me. I talk to God about things that are on my heart... he listens to them.. and he works! so God works through prayer.
actually.. i got it kinda wrong. prayer is the time when we connect and talk to each other.. which means God has things to say to me too. what i pray about doesn't come from me. God is the source. (he's the source of all things anyway!) He places thoughts, burdens, answers, etc... on my heart. sometimes it's obvious because i know they're not my feelings nor my thoughts. so actually the most important thing during prayer is to listen. i read about it in Hearing God's Voice before (: so God, already knowing what has to be done, communicates with me during prayer so that I know what to do..what to pray for..what to look forward to.. and he gets his work done that i may see it and be a part of it and know that he's working. through prayer!
arh. okay i don't really know how to express this. i drew a little diagram that says it very clearly but i can't draw it up here!

anw, God listens too. he's really sweet and patient. he listens even though he already knows. and then he encourages you.. in such a specific way that you know he's heard you.
(:


ok tt's all for now. i'm walking on a path of miracles.

i wanna change room!

i like to lie on my parents' bed at night cos i can clearly see the big fat clouds parading before me in slow choreography. and sometimes the stars behind them. how nice right... to fall asleep like that every night. i wonder if my dad even notices how good sleeping on his side of the bed is. sadly, i can't do the same for mine. cos i have a big cupboard sitting too near my window for my bed to be anywhere near it!





I don't want to talk about it
How you broke my heart
If I stay here just a little bit longer
won't you listen to my heart
Oh oh my heart...

my amazing mother

my mom just called me on my hp from her room using the home phone to talk to me. her room is right beside mine. she was too lazy to walk over.

zomg.

she really amazes me.

probability

school is starting
a kind of excitement's buzzing inside me
it feels like it's going to be a very different semester (academically)
different in a good way
(:

i can't wait to get going.

~

perhentian was incredible
like postcards coming to life! I asked myself everyday how could waters end up that pretty?!
and in the night, it was a ghostly beauty.

on my 12hr journey to the island, i thought to myself about many things.
i always think this thought whenever i'm traveling the NS highway. just somehow...!

what is the probability of our earth coming into existence by chance?

I thought about natural creation:
- the probability of a perfect combination of atoms to form the perfect atmosphere for living things to survive: oxygen, nitrogen, carbon dioxide
- the probability of a perfect combination of hydrogen and oxygen to form water.
- the existence of atoms. how did atoms come about? from nothing?

I thought about living cells and how they got together to form all the amazing things of our world. Trees, forests, insects, birds, animals, marine life. not just that! each and every creature has its own colour! how did colours come into existence? from the light? what about the colours that grow on the skins of living things? how could fishes possess such colourful, cutting edge, and intricate designs? what about the corals? their details are barely even 1mm big. and these cells are smart enough to know how to evolve.

what is the probability of each and ever detail coming to life by chance? and then think about the most jaw dropping creation of all - human beings. and our brains. and how our entire body functions. how in the name of chance did that happen?

if you multiply the probabilities of all atoms coming into existence,
then multiply that answer by the probabilities of all the living cells coming into existence,
then multiply that answer by the probabilities of each minute detail of every single living organism (those that have existed in the past, that are still alive, and have yet to come) coming into existence,
then multiply that answer by the probability of them coming together to function in that particular manner and to look that particular way,
the answer is sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo close to a zero.

so i had two conclusions.
one, there is a God higher than all of the earth and the atoms of the universe. He is the beginning of everything. He came from nothingness.
and because the answer, though almost nearly a zero, is still not a zero,
two, there has to be an exact replica of our entire Earth within or beyond the universe. and i mean exactly the same. atom for atom, cell for cell, ant for ant, this zebra for this zebra, Lee Xin Tian for Lee Xin Tian. same body, same mind, same soul, same spirit.

if you ask me which is harder to belief, i'd choose the second.








maybe that's why i couldn't sleep.
exciting eh?

the hole in my heart is wider and deeper than i'd ever dare to admit.
what if the pain is too much to bear?
what if it's too big to ever be filled?