went for a church's christmas play yesterday (which was really good) and i had this verse stuck at the back of my head the whole night. I sat there pondering hard for the meaning behind what Jesus had said: You have not chosen me, but I have chosen you. (John 15:16)

I was thinking huh? I thought it was always our choice to choose Christ. Like how He can pursue us to the end of our lives but at the end of the day, it is still our decision whether or not to pick up the cross.

I finally googled some bible commentaries.
These words plainly teach us that our salvation comes only from the favour and gracious goodness of the everlasting God towards us, and of nothing that we do or can deserve.

think I gotta take one step backward. It was God, Father and Son, who had first chosen us to be created and conceived, to be loved and pursued, such that through these, the gift of choice was born. For no man seeks after God on his own accord, the fact that there is a choice to be made, the fact that the option is available in our minds, is God's pursue made evident. It is because of God's favour upon us, that we have this chance to choose Him. He had first chosen us.

When I am down and, oh my soul, so weary;
When troubles come and my heart burdened be;
Then, I am still and wait here in the silence,
Until you come and sit awhile with me.

You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;
You raise me up: To more than I can be.

There is no life - no life without its hunger;
Each restless heart beats so imperfectly;
But when you come and I am filled with wonder,
Sometimes, I think I glimpse eternity.

You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;
You raise me up: To more than I can be.


every lyric of this song glows and I dunno why..?

I wonder if I would ever have to say goodbye.

If this journey was a song...



just something else... today I was thinking sometimes, within the Christian circle in the Christian context, "Christian" words and terms are used so frequently and flippantly they lose their meaning and their significance. then they become just one of those words. words that become impersonal and irrelevant to real life. when that happens, Christianity feels like another subject full of terminologies that I'm studying outside my sch curriculum.
owell just thoughts!

I keep asking God to help me and do it for me because I can't do it on my own. and I think that it has come to a point where I know God is already helping me. But because I'm not His robot but His child, He's not going to control my mind and my world and do everything for me. He's leaving the rest up to me. It's my choice to make, my test to endure, my lesson to learn.


meaningless. argh. i can be so unreal and selfish i can't believe myself. ewk.

for the first time, i truly realize the weight of it all. it's either this, or that.

the biggest thing I took home with me over the past week is this:

to believe, it costs nothing.
to follow, it will cost something.
to serve, it will cost everything.

everything. oh my goodness.
what is my choice going to be?
it's so easy to say YES! now, but living it out is the real deal.

I think that loving Jesus is not like a I want to and then I can and I will kind of thing.
it takes so much that I think I actually have never ever really loved Jesus before. it's so painful to realize that.
only He can put that love into my heart.

=((((((((((((((((((((

the sad face looks like it's got zilliple (one zillion) chins.. uber FAT!!! hahah
arghghghghghhggggghhhhhgggghhhhhhhhhhh........
so siannnnnnn................
it's been nubbad till now but the last paper is just killinngggggg..........
why must wait for so loooonnngggggg......
no more stamina larhh.............
boo.
i need more pressure!!

ok c'mon!