Jesus

it's really timely that when i entered this bible study course, they happened to be doing the last few chapters of the book of John. i was pouring through my journal, and it hit me that over the past couple of months, God's been answering a prayer I made late last year, and i even remember thinking about it when i was in India. it was about this huge problem i had with by-passing the cross, like my whole faith seemed to be based on emotions... which was dangerous because that cannot be the basis of going to God. i struggled with it because i simply couldn't grasp the reality of Christ's sacrifice. it just remained as one of those important biblical nuggets in my head that i knew i should know. when i was honest enough, i knew that i actually never understood the immensity of His dying for us and accepted Jesus as a doubtless truth.

bringing me step by step to fill that dangerous void was what God did through the last two months of bible study. i am truly awed by the kind of person Jesus is.. the compassion He has is so gripping it's inhuman. over the past 2-3 weeks, we've been dwelling on John 19, walking through the most important milestone in human history, pouring through the reasons, meanings, the spiritual symbolism behind every detail, seeing all that Jesus did till the very end, the fulfillment of many prophecies, the consistencies that string the bible together, the evidences, making sense of and piecing the whole process of Jesus' crucifixion together for myself... and i finally saw God's heart behind everything that happened.

i don't even know how to begin describing what my response is. :P i guess when i truly know who i worship and why... it does a lot of change to the reason i breathe and live everyday.

Monday Morning

It is a quiet morning at work, and there is a strange and enormous craving for some poetry. I miss literature lessons so much. jess and jingyun.. if u ever read this, i'm envious of you guys right now!

The Road Not Taken
Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I-
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

- Robert Frost

After the Designer, this is my other favourite from Frost, because such is the reality of making choices. There is no way I can see beyond the deepest bend. and to make the choice tougher, both paths look just as fair. well...because he wrote it in the last stanza, so it sounds as though it's the weighty truth..but is taking the road less traveled always the better choice? Frost ever commented that when he wrote this poem, he was thinking about his friend who had decided to join the war. and the decision was hard because either way, he would be sorry he hadn't chosen the other. I suppose it's different when we trust a God who sees beyond the bend and plants a signpost at our crossroads. We can walk down the path with no regrets. Yet, the choice is still ours to make. Out of curiosity, I'll always wonder what it would have been like if I'd taken the other.
Anyway, I love it that he uses nature all the time to discuss his thoughts about life.

Sonnet 116
Let me not to the marriage of true minds
Admit impediments. Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove:
O no! it is an ever-fixed mark
That looks on tempests and is never shaken;
It is the star to every wandering bark,
Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken.
Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks
Within his bending sickle's compass come:
Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,
But bears it out even to the edge of doom.

If this be error and upon me proved,
I never writ, nor no man ever loved.

- William Shakespeare

Now...this is an all-time favourite :) I'd never ever get tired of re-reading this poem! I wrote a commentary on this poem for a school assignment once, and it was one of the best experiences I'd ever had in my life. Perhaps I'd do it again some years down the road...just to see whether my perspective would've changed. To put it shortly, the sonnet captures the immense beauty and tough, persevering reality of true love.

so...it's all quiet in the office and this is probably the most relaxing a day at work will ever be. the students are having their examinations so there isn't any teaching or planning or work to be done...hurrah!
time to catch up on some reading (:

John 20

I was reading John 20 this morning. and I don't have my journal with me, so I'll write it in here so that I won't forget these thoughts. John 20 is the story of the empty tomb, and Jesus' first appearances to his disciples after his death. there were two parts in the story that really touched my heart...cos it showed the kind of person Jesus is.

Mary was weeping outside the empty tomb cos she thought that someone had stolen Jesus' body away and hidden it. she saw a figure standing near her, but she didnt' know that it was Jesus. she thought that he was the gardener. Jesus asked her "Woman, why are you weeping? whom are you seeking?" and Mary told Jesus (not knowing it was Him) to tell her where he'd hidden His body if he'd carried away His body away. at that, all Jesus said was "Mary!" and she turned to Him and cried "Teacher!" I can just imagine the way Jesus had called her name... it must have been a voice filled deep with love and a joy at being reunited with his disciple. it must have been a tone that Jesus had often used in love during the years he'd spent with her during his ministry on earth because she recognized it distinctively... and it must have been something profound because she hadn't recognized His voice when he'd asked her why she was weeping.
Will I ever hear Him call my name like that...?

The second part of the chapter that struck me was the story of Thomas, and how he'd outrightly stated that unless he sees the print of the nails in the Lord's hands, placed his finger on the prints and at the side of His body, he will not believe. 8 days later, they were assembled behind close doors, and the Lord miraculously appeared to be with them. and the first thing He did was to ask Thomas to place his finger and hand on His palms and side, so that Thomas may believe. The thing is, Thomas had aired his doubts among his friends when the Lord wasn't technically present with them. Yet, Jesus knew what exactly was on the heart of Thomas, and answered Thomas' request even before he'd presented them to Jesus. (: