chinese

guess what! it's the first time i'm writing chinese in a nearly a year! i copied out the lyrics of one jay chou song! it was soooo long but it felt so liberating!! when i wrote the first verse i felt like i was picking up some new ball game! hahah so i've got a new hobby! - copying chinese lyrics and i think it'd help me pick the language up again =D

love

it got me to thinkin bout the word and definition of love. how much we seem to depend on others to make us feel loved. yet eve that is a strange thought, because on one hand if we depend on others to tell us, or show us, that they love us and we spend all of our times waiting for them to fulfill our expectations about love, then we don't take anytime to love ourselves or fall in love with ourselves or know ourselves, or treat ourselves lovingly. it's like we get stuck in this pattern of defining love by what someone ELSE feels about us instead of how we feel about ourselves!
on the other hand, no matter what anyone says, everyone needs someone to love, someone they can show their love to and receive love in return. ya know?
then there are times when we get so afraid of love, that we dont even take the chance with it. and never know the power and depth and goodness that love can bring. even if it ends one day, then we at least were fearless enough to experience it while it lasted and gain from it what we may...
but i guess there are certain things about love that are forever,
like if you give it you will get it
If you believe in it, it will exist for you
and even when you're in love you can't be blind
because if you dont love yourself, no one else will know how to.

it's necessary for us to love ourselves and know we deserve only the best from the people we give our love to and nothing less. or they dont deserve us.

~a.keys

u know what holds me back from showing how much i truly care. i'm afraid that i'm insignificant to people who are significant to me, that all the love i put in will simply bounce back and hurt me instead. but the truth is i really, really care. i wonder if i'm cheating myself by trying to protect myself like that. i guess i really shouldn't anymore. fearless enough to experience it while it lasted and gain from it what we may. if it goes unappreciated, i'd be hurt, but nevertheless i'd know, and God knows, i've tried. and no matter what, it'll never be a bad thing coz it's not going to hurt anyone else but yourself, and even so, that is provided you let yourself be hurt.

Faith is the bird that sings when the dawn is still dark.

hey everyone! merry christmas!! and i love you! yes YOU the one reading this very word now =D and also everybody in this world, and especially those who have made a difference in my life, small big all the same, i love you! =D

i hope everybody's enjoying this christmas season, a special gift for us after a long hard year:) my christmas day began with a BEEEEEEEEG hug! - frm someone i dont even know! and it felt really really good! yeap this year's gotta be the most meaningful christmas i've ever had coz this is the first time i'm celebrating it for its true meaning and as a believer of Christ, and that alone has made this the best christmas ever! it really felt different ya know, and i felt pretty special. heehee. and it gave the usually reserved me the reason to extend my love and my joy to everybody else, including those i have never met in my life, and wow the feeling was so great i cant tell you how great! perhaps it's time to crawl out of my silly shell and do this everyday!

i'd have to admit tho that this special day didnt end off that well. yea n this morning i woke up still feeling down. hahah but God has his way of comforting me - n reading my mind. i read in my daily bread this morning - Feeling let down today? Try looking up. -biggrin- hahhah

yeaps! school's starting! i'm both sad and excited! sad coz i wont be stepping into the buona vista campus and i think that feels very funny. but excited too coz i think i've had enough of the holidays and my motor has cooled down for way too long and it's time to get it roaring! AND i miss schooling with my classmates! exactly a week to go!!

instead of picking up my econs notes, i've been lounging in my sofa for hours today reading Lee Iacocca!!! heh he's a legend in the corporate world- he saved an automotor company from bankruptcy and flipped it inside out to success- in case u haven't heard of him. k maybe i'm kinda young for this but it's really exciting! although i'm not actually doing it, i'm thrown into the world where hundreds of millions of dollars are moving in n out everyday! and he's SO damn brilliant and confident. mm part of it was contributed by his family's influences on him. in order to promote the sales of a movie theatre his father had just set up, his dad gave the 10 kids who turned up with the dirtiest faces a movie treat! heh how interesting. and when iacocca juz took over the ailing company, he drew a salary of $1 a month to set an example. but a few years later his salary was so huge economists didnt know whether to classify it as 'salary' or 'asset'. i think we should be studying his autobiography for econs instead of those notes.

heh tonight i gave my culinary skills another go! i whipped up a salmon-egg-rice =D k i think i shld just specialize in cooking fried rice. that's the only kind of dish that i know how to cook and im good at. so easy if you go wrong u're stupid. heheh.

ah yes and my hip is hurting AGAIN! old injury's back... and it's quite serious this time=( i cant move it abt at all without feeling the pain. shit la. shucks. maybe i'll visit the sinseh or something. and i think i need the insurance for physio without even tryin to be clumsy.

and most importantly, i've caught the jay chou bug! but really really seriously really he's DAMN GOOD! his music is fantastic, and in fact, pretty original:) and u can tell he really knows and loves what he's doing, like he's put his heart n soul into it. not all singers do that, in fact, seldom do you come across musicians who do these days. yea man!

""The main end of life is not to do but to become," F. B. Meyer said. And for this we are being prepared every day. As silver is refined by fire, the heart is often refined in the furnace of sadness.

The refining process may be very painful, but it will not destroy us, for the Refiner sits by the furnace tending the flame. "

David Roper

"What is the real good?"
I asked in musing mood.

Order said the law court
Knowledge said the school
Truth said the wise man
Pleasure said the fool
Love said the maiden
Beauty said the page
Freedom said the dreamer
Home said the sage
Fame said the soldier
Equity said the seer.
Spake my heart fully sad:
The answer is not here.

Then within my bosom
Softly this I heard:
"Each heart holds the secret:
Kindness is the word."

-JOHN BOYLE O'REILLY

"Hating people is like burning down your own home to get rid of a rat."
- HARRY EMERSON FOSDICK

Everything that is done in the world is done by hope. No husbandman would sow one grain of corn if he hoped not it would grow up and become seed; no bachelor would marry a wife if he hoped not to have children; no merchant or tradesman would set himself to work if he did not hope to reap benefit thereby.
-MARTIN LUTHER

a treasury of the wisdom of the ages. i found Dale Carnegie's Scrapbook in my dad's mini library. combing through the book's like ali baba entering the treasure cave. hardly anything feels better than being enlightened by the wiseness of words. the one by martin luther's my favourite tonight. noticeably, the quotes that came from chinese scholars are remarkably simple yet impressive, and to my delight, often inspired by the works of nature. speaking of which, i'm determined to get my grasp of the chinese language back. i was quite shocked at my inadequacy while i was in kedah. and while i was watching those chinese serials set in the ancient past, i was pretty astounded by the power of the language! almost all their sentences contained just 4 words.

eee i missed my class dinner. how annoying..my dad didnt allow me to go. on the brighter side, i can go out tmr to church and my SA class gathering since i was a good girl and stayed at home tonight. SHEESH.

im still lying my way thru. what am i supposed to do?

i'm like an old woman now. my hip hurts so badly i cannot move them at all! that's how unfit i am after 1 mth not training! and i can count the no. of times i caught the ball today with one hand. EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! and i fell among the thorns of the mimosa plants. they all ar, look so pretty in their pink flowers and they play with you with their leaves but they're so vicious when u fall on them. my scratch marks looked like i was caned all over by my mom or something!

jia recommended this site - http://www.gospelcom.net/rbc/ to me coz i wasn't sure what to do during my QT. it really helped me a lot, n i think it's great guidance - and a perfect way to begin a day:)

last night God answered one of my prayers. it was disappointing and a little saddening but i was very glad to know that He did listen to me afterall. i'd asked for guidance and help and i'd asked him to give me what i need, and not simply what i want - they're different. so He's given me his answer and i'll rest in that=)

oh yea and the trip was wonderfully wonderful! it didnt start out all that great though. hahaha the purpose of the trip was to spend more time with my grandparents and relatives there and coincidentally my aunt's family was there staying for the whole month! yeap so the house was pretty lively:) my family spent two days with my mom's business associate. he was VERY hospitable hahah pleasantly shocking coz no one back home here's that nice. yeap he brought us around and actually drove us all the way to the thai border:) yeapp. BUT i was pretty bored coz they mostly spoke bout business.

most memorable was playing with my cousins on the last night actually. hahah they're way younger than me but it was damn fun! we played till 3am in the morning silly games that were super funny coz everybody kept making stupid mistakes. oh yea! and wanyi's family popped by for a day too since they were in penang. we went to kedah peak. it was even better than the last time i went up there. it's my favourite place in Kedah:) 10km high u can see the endless stretch of padi field in alostar through the clouds, the sea and a few cute little islands. we were lucky the sky that day was superb. OH yes and i saw the BIGGEST LONGEST rainbow in my entire life one evening! it was SO clear and SO huge and yes SO beautiful. in fact there were TWO! haha the other one wasnt so clear, like it's double image.

and before we left i hugged my grandpa=D that was the best part of my trip haha it's the first time i ever hugged him. he was very happy i could tell:) i love my grandparents a lot, a lot, though i hardly see them, and im still a little afraid of my grandpa hahah i have no idea why but it's been like that since i was a little girl. but i'm growing out of it! i hope haha:)

i know how to go up there on my own le. it's simple. hahah so i guess next time i can go back for a visit alone if my parents arent free to accompany me. hee my grandpa said i could if i wanted to he'll go pick me up:) great place to be. sungei petani's a small town, everything's slow paced, cars there are 20 years old. though the air isn't supposed to be fresh, i still love the smell of it, especially the afternoon and night breeze. how gently hokkien's spoken there. breakfast from the market and of coz my grandma's food. hehe. a great getaway if i'm ever stressed here=D

just when my home turns into some cosy paradise i have to leave......!!! with a new comp i can watch endless vcds so it's no sore that i dont have a tvee! and we just finished packing n tidying the entire house up so it's spacious and clean and comfortable! hahah but gotta say byebye to it for a week! leaving for kedah tonight:) yeps not excited at all hahhaha coz nothing to be excited about. probably gonna juz stay at my grandparents' home and do my school work ugh. hahahah the only excitement's kedah peak:) endless stretch of padi fields u see frm high up there. the last time there were a few farmers burning their fields. and it's an escape from the soaring heat down there. hehe

great thing miche, letting me listen to your mp3 player. hahha it's gotten me hooked to maksim!! he's great!!!! ALL his songs i've listened to so far are fabulous. hahhah but the best is still the Croatian Rhapsody that first caught my attention:D yeps i'm gonna hunt down his cds in m'sia!
alrites stay safe everyone and pray for my family's safe trip down n back hahaha God bless!~

i'm so terribly bushed now but very satisfied:) did some fundraising for the old folks living in red hill, and it was really an experience. and people were mostly very kind, especially the ones who gave us encouragements=D most of them returned my smile even though they didnt donate any money. hahah that itself was encouraging enough:) yep man totally enjoyable despite it being so super tiring. it was just TWO hours but i was already so tired i thought my legs were going to crack. yep and i discovered it's true that if u're sincere about it, people will listen to u, and it's not true that people have no time to listen to your story:) so yep that's some blessing. and i MUST mention this guy who gave sherm 100 DOLLARS!!!! omg hahhahah that was amazing. i would have been stupified. woots so im looking forward to another day of fundraising:) and yes, thank God for opening the hearts of all those generous and charitable people out there who made my day=D everyone have a good rest gdnite!!~

hey there!! heheh wheee this feels damn good! i'm typin on a brand new keyboard facing a superb monitor and everything's so smooth nothing hangs. woot! =D

just got back frm YF camp! it was a pleasant one:) got to know many many new people and everybody there was great! though i hardly knew anyone and everything seemed unfamiliar it was really enjoyable! the beach games were the BEST part!! hahah played till our muscles ached like mad! and the food was omg so much and so good pity i didnt have a good appetite. bigger pity it will be the last YF camp for this current batch coz we're gonna be young adults!! oh and i must not forget! we did a few personality tests and lo and behold i was super shocked when i read the printout coz i couldn't believe how accurate it was. word for word man! yep that was kinda like the highlight of the camp hahah coz it was really interesting! and most importantly i got to really spend time with Him, especially since the four days were specially set aside for Him, and i'm thankful for that. i hope my faith will grow stronger each day:)
ooo yea and not to forget! there was the beach touch comp too!! i really enjoyed myself and i think it's more fun playing on sand coz i can run barefooted! and absolutely no qualms bout diving hehe:)

yeah mans i feel so refreshed back home now and i'm just looking forward to the trip down to kedah on thurs to go see gonggong n popo:D and that means im like ditching my afua and yf commitments. ARGH. hahah the personality test said i feel guilty too easily and i dont pay enough attention to my own needs. i pay too much to others'. so am i not supposed to feel bad bout ditching the afua n yf commitments? eh. nvm shant think so much hahah too bad for me la if they're mad at me. hees~ k God bless everyone~

my comp crashedddd and it's bringing so much inconvenience! but good coz i dont spend any unnecessary time on the comp anymore:)

uhwell i'm even busier now im goin to faint. all those cip stuffs are taking up so much of my time grrrrrrr... i hardly have time for myself:( and there will be church activities and the camp also oh mannn..heh not that i'm complaining bout that one. yesterday i spent half my day tying ribbons and carrying heavy HEAVY HEAVY boxes of huge pretty candles at YC! hahah it was MUCH more enjoyable than i expected:) i think it's partly coz we were surrounding by seas of pretty pink colours and they make you happy haha and tying ribbons are DAMN fun!! especially when u're getting pro at it mwahahah:P i'll be selling the candles in town next month! to help the lonely old folks in redhill..well i dunno how im gonna do it! i think i ought to go down and see them and spend some time with them then i'll truly understand the cause of my fundraising. i mean when u ask people to donate u gotta be more sincere and what if they ask me bout the old folks and i dunno what to say that would be so embarrassing!

uh k another gd thing i've started on my maths holiday homework! FINALLY!!!!!!!!!!! though it's only very few questions and i'm a super cheater bug. i look at the answers then i do the questions. hahahh

heh k im supposed to be doin my cip now but i'm uh slacking here at the NYC =D uh kinda cant wait for this to be over! hahah =) oh and i hope my dad n i can make a trip to KL and to Penang to visit my grandparents n some relatives..i doubt i'll be going there for CNY next yr coz i'll be missing too much school n my dad isn't alright with it. but i think my grandparents are really growing old and uh...i dun wannt to regret anything yea. so i'll make up for it with a trip down this hols. haahh nvm FINALLY a CNY spent in singapore!

busy as a beeeeeeeeee

i'm so so so so beeeseeeee!!!!! but now i'm enjoying it!! =D
im terribly burnt from training, i'm back to how i was like in uhh..sec 2? hahhahah true blue africann! training's crazy sooo many times a week and my muscles are forever crying for oxygen! but it's good! i feel fresh and fit most of the time! competition's gonna be over soon, and i'm going to miss this entire pretty intensive training season quite a bit:( esp the company of all of us!

hmm and thenn i have my AFUA n YC commitments as usual..the busking festival is coming SOON! i still think i'm one of the MOST slack members mwahahah so i tried to do something by volunteering during the last mtg, and i still have not gotten that done! hee i hope it'll be a blast!! and they want the location managers to double up as emcees....omgosh imagine acting cute in front of a big orchard crowd!!!!! hahhahh i'll DIE of embarrassment.

AND THEN i kinda got myself a job at the turkish restaurant in far east;) hahahh everyone thinks it's a cool place to work! and i think so too!!! hahahha i can learn to play the turkish ice-cream tricks and learn their language frm the man there:D ehhh all those just IF i get the job! but since they said they're in need of part time workers, i think i stand a pretty good chance!! let's hope the boss calls me back soooooooooon......

AND of course there's always Him! the last service was awesome! it was my first time witnessing people getting baptised! congrats to chris=D the church's one looks like a swimming pool hahahha albeit a teeny one hehe! and the sermon was interesting for once! mwahahah.. i didnt have to open my eyes extra wide to look like i was listening! and worship was the best part, as always=) i love the songs!! and there's this particular one that always makes me cry. and i wanna say that He has been there for me, He's been listening to me, encouraging me, comforting me and answering my prayers, and i cant be more grateful for all of it. i'm happy to say that i've truly learnt to be satisfied with what i can have. because i really believe that if He thinks i need it, He'll bless me with it. but if i dont get what i would like to get, it simply means that He thinks i do not need it. perhaps someone else needs it more than i do, or it could actually even be a blessing in disguise!! =0)

OH n i just made oreo cheese cake!!!!!!!!! mwahahahahha! clara taught me how to do it!! the batter was SO yummy i could hardly resist digging my fingers into the bowl! hehe my whole family cant wait for morninggggg!!!!!! off to bed now,God bless,everyone!!~

=D

i enjoyed every single bit of the salsa class!!!!!!! it was soooooooo fun!! and they're therapy sessions~ hahah i feel sooo much better after each class and it's like some workout class also hahhaah:) maybe i'd try out the intermediate classes, a bit ex tho hee=) yayyyy happyhappyjoyjoy x)

i just read what nana wrote. she said many people pile themselves up with things they dont enjoy doing, and obviously, they're unhappy at the end of the day. ive got a feeling that is exactly happening to me.

i've been SO packed these few days, travelling so much, springing impromptu activties on myself, i can hardly breathe!!! i simply had to forgo a stayover so i can rest tonight. BUT the thing is, these activities were all worthy of my time. it was the things that nagged at me at the back of my mind that caused me to frown unconsciously all the time. i really dunno what in the world i'm doing. and i'm TERRIBLY disappointed things have turned out this way. it is my dream, things that i ought to enjoy doing. but wth..i know the reason why i am not. i've got to find the courage to do something about it.

=)but as always, there are things that everyone has to be thankful for. thank God for bringing me through every training so far this holiday. im thankful for the comfort You gave me everytime i screwed up on the field, the strength u blessed me with when i really thought i couldnt move, and the joy when i finally got something right, even if it's just a small improvement=) most importantly, i thank You for bringing yan back into my life, even if it's just for this holiday. i was really really SO happy to spend the few days with him=)

everyone enjoy your hols~ spend it WISELY!! heh that advice shld go to myself too hees:)

bad day

ugh. today was easily the worst day ever in a million years. started off really good n fresh in the sunny morning BUT it had to be ruined by some asshole online. i know it was juz a joke but i was really damn annoyed n i wasnt the least amused.

and i went shopping with my mom. and she was SUPER unsupportive of me going overseas to do humanitarian work. WHY!!!! and then it started pouring heavily. this is the first time this year i'm REALLY shopping. i spent a damn lot of money today, or rather my mom haha. i tell u i'm a really BAD shopper. dont ever ask me out to shop with u coz i'm really impatient even shopping for my OWN clothes!! my mom was super efficient, she kept dumping pants after pants after blouse into the changing room! and i was quite annoyed coz i knew those shops cheated with their mirrors in the changing room. they just make u look slimmer but actually u look much fatter than what u see! hehe and i also did the check nana taught me to see if the mirror was REALLY a mirror or a fake one that is actually a glass wall. heh well if u see a gap between the mirror and the reflection when u put ur finger to the mirror, then it's real! hmm well at least i bought some clothes=) anw i hate heavy rains...it makes me lethargic and i felt like barfing on my way home.. and then i started to ponder bout things that didnt help.. made me feel even worse. i juz thought about how i'm really losing passion n interest in everything i'm doing. and how i get myself into things and messes that i regret. and that's why i do not enjoy doing the things i do even though they're the things that i want to do. owell i dunno what to do now.. i guess i'd have to begin offending people. ugh. right now my stomach feels REALLY funny and my teeth at the back of my mouth are ACHING! omgosh pls dont let it be gum decay or something! I BRUSH MY TEETH TWICE A DAY OK!!!!!!! and sometimes THRICE!!!! or could it be the wisdom tooth??!?!?! OH MAN..........................

i didnt know i wasnt supposed to believe in healing power of acupunctures??? i learnt this morning in st paul's that christians shouldnt believe in it coz that way u're not having 100% faith in God. i was puzzled and asked some of them during lunch and they said coz acupuncture (esp the sinseh kind) is based on the yin n yang believe and the 7 -dunnowhat- points in our body and that the head is the most holy part blahblah something like that. hahahh well i dunno what to think of it coz it DID help my mom!

hm decided not to go for the 10-day trip up m'sia during this hols with my cousins and their family. =( it's way too long and i hafta forgo lots of YC and AFUA stuffs for it. plus uh i need to do something bout my econs retest in january and MATHS. BLEAGH! BUT I REALLY NEED A BREAK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! oh help. i need to get out of this cramped island for a while. maybe i'll join qianni's family for their hol if it's not imposing on them. coz it'll be a much shorter vacation say 4 days? or pray hard that my dad will be able to get tickets so we can visit my paternal grandparents and relatives in m'sia. i NEED to spend time with my ah ma and gonggong! miss them =( eh and i dun wanna regret not spending time with them while i still can.

byebye mt sinai

=)going to st paul's tmr morning! every week is so eventful i thought it was a month since i last went there! hmm well this has been a great last week in mt sinai! shall miss it loads, no doubt. but hehe as layming told me, it's great our batch gets to experience the best of both campuses! hahaha yep!! and after she said that, i wondered why in the world i was so sad! she said that it's been a great year at mt sinai and now we can look forward to life in the new campus! hahhahha tt's the way! -grin-

thursday night nana n i camped over in sch!! hahhah it was soooo retarded n sooooo fun! retarded coz we were like two little idiots lugging slping bags she borrowed frm the faction room hahhahh. it was the MOST exciting night in school ever!! we met the policemen wOOtz~~!! and they were both so nice!! i'm SO glad we didnt chicken out in the end! BLEAGH to all those who thought we'd be humji and decide to go home!!!

friday morning was extremely wonderful! haahahh despite me falling ill n having merely 2hrs of bad sleep:) the morning bath in sch at 6.30 was so refreshing coz it was sooooooo cold! the moment i on the tap i had goosebumps everywhere mwahah! and i felt really damn good the whole morning! was feeling down later coz the thought of never having lessons in mt sinai ever made me sad. hee well went over to my cousins' in the evening n stayed over there for the night:) n i felt so much better. i love slping on the sofa there coz when i look up n out of the window, i feel like i'm in heaven=) the view frm up there's marvellous! hmm and this morning, my aunt insisted my face was dirty forced 4294982374million facials on me and offered to uh shape my eyebrows hahhaha! well, it was damn painful but yea guess it looks neater now:) but my face feels funny and my brows are so painful im having a headache! hahhahahah=) uh wanyi hurry end ur Os leh we intend to go out for a midnight movie! (to celebrate end of ur Os AND AHEMAHEM MY BIRTHDAY!!!) hahhahah!

hey rach if u're reading this i'm really sorry bout not setting my priorities right n neglecting my health at the expense of training. *promise i'll put in my best effort.

names!

hahha everything really happens for a reason.

hee i dunno what i'm thinkin mann im going silly. hahah or maybe the thought happened for a reason too!! hhahah should i sit on it or should it do something abt it????

i was thinking about names on my way home, and i thought n realized somehow the meaning of people's names are part of their personality. well, it applies to QUITE a number of my friends, AND MYSELF! hahhaah:) my name means happy n peaceful=) perfect name! hahhah i wonder why i was so ashamed of it last time, but i think most kids shld have once been ashamed of their names? especially if it werent some exotic name. hahhhaa anyway back to my point, i think my name is an exact reflection of what i want in my life! and given what i know of myself, i am happy when i am peaceful, as in literally peaceful. i dont like crowds, i dont like being trapped in the middle of people chattering n talking i will get groggy, i know a good example! i cannot step into heeren. the moment i step in i get dizzy n a headache!! yep! so i thought maybe i am actually a quiet girl! haha so are you what everybody calls u?

God's Grace

The will of God will never take you,
where the grace of God cannot keep you,
hwere the arms of God cannot support you,
where the riches of God cannot supply your needs,
where the power of God cannot endow you.

The will of God will never take you,
where the Spirit of God cannot work through you,
where the wisdom of God cannot teach you,
where the army of God cannot protect you,
where the hands of God cannot mould you.

The will of God will never take you,
where the love of God cannot enfold you,
where the mercies of God cannot sustain you,
where the peace of God cannot calm your fears,
where the authority of God cannot overrule for you.

The will of God will never take you,
where the comfort of God cannot dry your tears,
where the Word of God cannot feed you,
where the miracles of God cannot be done for you,
where the omnipresence of God cannot find you.

Everything happens for a purpose.

We may not see the wisdom of it all now,
but trust and believe in the Lord
that everything is for the best.



-author unknown

the pastor's wife shared this poem during last sunday's service:) it means a lot to me.

=) i had a very wonderful day today!! met up with xiaoling in the afternoon~ hehehehe didnt get to catch a movie in the end.....but there're always THE VCDS!!!!! to save the day!! hahhahaha:):) we watched HERO and The Chicken Rice War! Hero was damn good. i loved all the colours and the cheorography. and i'm in love with chinese culture, it's too rich!
late morning at st paul's was great=) everyone there is sooo friendly! hahahah and i cant believe it was my first time playing a proper beat(albeit a super short one) on the drum set!! yep i really love the place=)

hahhah my mom and i were supposed to bake scones together tonight. but hahahahhaha she ended up doing most of it!! i helped by sampling to see if they were yummy enough! hahahhaha bum man me. coz i came home so late she couldnt wait so she just started without me:( heh

went for a Youth Challenge meeting today. i had a horrible headache and the meeting lasted SO LONG n the guy talked SO MUCH i was tired after 2 hrs. but i MUST SAY he's a really amazing man and he's so well experienced and connected! hahhahaha and HE'S DAMN FUNNY!!!!
hmm.. i really loved the East Timor video SO MUCH coz that was exactly what i've been DREAMING to do all the time!

oh n i must mention too that i was SO GLAD he did bring up the thing bout CIP being so dumb. haha k that wasn't the way he put it, but yea that's how i feel it is. i really dont like the way people help out of self interest, which is the wrong value that CIP promotes. the metro CIP prog in rj is a classic example. i overheard comments all over the place like, "hey let's do it! so damn easy to get points la! juz stand there n can slack also!" !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! gosh. i think it's just so saddening. i dont think cip's entirely bad coz those in need DO benefit anyway, they get donations and the elderly do get company too when students do their cip. just that most of it wasnt a sincere effort. i feel EXTREMELY uneasy when i have to ask for CIP points after providing my service. i just dont think it's right and though i know that i did enjoy myself so much and i lend a helping hand with my heart, i still feel self-centered. but the thing is, i need the points coz the system requires it =(
so ive decided im going to work hard at afua to promote the arts and get all my cip points from there. and other than that, i'm not getting any points coz it's really against what i believe. yea i hope everyone will give, care, and share from our hearts when we help others coz that's the spirit!!:)

beezieeefeezzieeee

heh actually i dont feel like using the comp at all, but i just dont feel like doing anything else at the moment:)

the week has been extremely hectic.. right from the moment i drag myself out of bed. notice i'm still DRAGGING myself out of bed? i still dont see anything THAT worthwhile sacrificing my beauty sleep for. i remembered i said that i shld learn to wake up in the morning and feel good about it HAHAH but noooo, not yet!!

this is the kinda week that is so packed and full of different activities that monday seemed like a month ago.

training has resumed n it's takin it's toll on my poor little muscles!! hahhah it's been aching since wednesday night. i had to think twice before turning on my side while sleeping:) mwahaha at least i'm feeling healthier now! oh and comp's coming up soon in less than a month's time!! hahah pretty exciting! coach told us to watch our diet. heh i've never done this kinda thing, like preparing so seriously for a competition that i actually have to WATCH MY DIET! hahahah but it sounds damn fun~ and i seriously have to start using some brains on the field...... heheheh

kz right now i just want OP to be over FASTFASTFAST! i'm glad that our grp's doing it SIX days earlier than our originally assigned date! blessing in disguise!! and i hope i wont freak out presenting in front of a sea of foreign faces!!!

n oh dear the something is back to bug me againnnnnnnn!!!!!! FREAK!!!!!! GO AWAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!

praise the Lord!

i ALWAYS believe that when something bad happens, something good will follow and it's just been proven true time after time!! and i juz wanna say that He really listens to our prayers and He's always there for us, and as long as we have faith in Him, He'll always be there to guide us :) i cant be more grateful for that and a BEEEG thank you to all my friends out there who kept me in their prayers too!! =)

hm. can u imagine all the JC students in Singapore die. that's abt the number of cats n dogs that got put down in a year on this puny island.

i wouldnt have much bothered about the bloody F on my maths paper, cept that i think mrs kong is super disappointed and i wouldnt be surprised if she's given up hope in me passing altogether. alright, to be honest, i'm pretty disappointed myself. thought i could pull off at least an E. but anw yeah. i juz dun want to see mrs kong. i feel really quite ashamed of myself this time. guess i'd have to retake the paper, but i do welcome it as a chance for me to redeem myself for myself.

feeling really sucky nowww.. i find it very hard to believe a failure has affected me this much. it was never this way. i had never bothered. looks like things have changed.. owell.

that night lying at the bottom bunk of beck's bed after finishing Cinderella Story, i thought of how important self-respect means to me. i'd always thought i had it, but to think of it, my tolerance level is pretty high. no, VERY high, that i sometimes neglect my pride. hm others think it's a good thing being a nice girl, being able to forgive easily.. yeah, but gradually i find myself growing smaller n smaller each time i just let things be, convinced that they are the ones losing out, no point wasting my energy, i forgive, and not stand up and fight for myself. i've had enough. it is high time for my temper to get hotter.

it was so beautiful, so profound, so simple, so true it was like a dream. i felt sifted and stirred. something in me has changed, i dont know how, but i think it is a beautiful change. i dont want to say too much coz i'd spoil its beauty.

it was two well spent hours this afternoon at st paul's. i dont understand something that happened. but i guess i know the reason:)

little miss caroline

hahhah let me tell u bout the tuition today! by far, this afternoon was the BESTBESTBESTBESTBEST MOST PRODUCTIVE session ever!!!!! i have NEVER ever in my life seen her more focused than today!!! hahhah -miracle of the whiteboard- she looooooooves the whiteboard so much! and she wanted to write EVERYTHING EVERYTHING EVERYTHING on it! hahahahaaahah!!! and she can actually solve almost all the qns without much of my help when she is focused! hehe thus next week, im bringing my brown whiteboard marker:) instead of the usual boring blueblackredpurple. hahahhah ooooooo and HAHAHAHHAHHAH i found out something!!!
caroline: -writing on the board- "i love lee..." -looks at me-
xintian: -thought she was going to write my name- *secretly happy!*
caroline: -continues writing- "Tu Yen" "Uncle Lee" -grins at me-
xintian: huh? who's that?
caroline: a boy! i always call him Uncle Lee
xintian: OOOOOOOOO *raises eyebrows* u like him??????
caroline: -nods- but i dunno if he likes me!!
xintian: HAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHA!!! -ruffles her hair- is he handsome??
caroline: -nods- guess when i talk to him?
xintian: he's ur classmate?
caroline: no! he's in 4.3 i'm in 4.2! we're in the same chinese class -BIG BEEEEEEEG GRIN-
hahahhahaha oh my!!! so cute!!!! how come i dont remember myself having any crushes when i was 10...............
ohh!! and i learnt something today! there was a question that asked how many fifths are there in 3 wholes. so i drew three circles on the board but i had a VERY DIFFICULT time trying to split it into five equal parts. HAH i embarrassingly drew four parts w/o realizing..!! hee and she told me to just write a BIG huo(fire) in the circle and tadah!!!

i feel so much more spirited now! and i can focus at task better these days. like previously i was very dazed when i gave tuition and after a while i get bored n tired myself. but hell no today! i was 100% alert!! it must be the breathing space i have now that exams are over! and im not concerned bout the results coz what's done's done! hmmm im looking forward to tmr morning and afternoon! =D time to meet friends i haven't seen in a long while and im gonna be spending exclusive time with God! hahhah yay kz. oh i still have a gp essay to complete tonight HAHAHAHAHAH shan't feel grouchy bout it:)

oh and yesterday's farewell assembly wasn't as bad as i thought it'd be! i thoroughly enjoyed watching Friends in the netball court with all my friends! hahahahha! it was so lovely with a crowd of people gathered together laughing n enjoying the sitcom that was projected onto the wall with the speakers blaring n feasting on KFC. SHEESH i wonder why i never ever bothered to watch Friends my entire life! it's so funnieeeeeeee!!!!! argh. regret!!!!!!

hees everyone have a nice day till later~

bad girl

ive been in a freakin bad bad mood since last night. so bad that i couldnt stand myself. last night i went to bed pretty late coz i was too angry to fall asleep. and this morning i woke up to my alarm STILL angry and pissed off i threw the clock frm my bed to my desk, thankfully it's not spoilt. HAH i dunno why. so i went back to bed and slept over my bad mood till afternoon. i feel so much better. but ah im damn bad. i just spoilt my entire day's plans. wanted to go for the touch rug game in the morning, and then go down to World Vision. but neither happened. just slept.

anw hahah believe it or not i had STRAIGHT HAIR for a day!!!!! coz i went to mich's aunt's hair salon and had my hair trimmed. the only good thing that came out if it was that i got to get the experience of having a straight crop on my head for half a day. other than that i was not-happy bout it. coz i dont feel any different nor lighter and my pony tail's still AS BUSHY. quite irritated with myself coz i shld've just requested for a change of hairdresser or simply decline the haircut. COZ the lady who was assigned to cut my hair is obviously new to the line and she had near zero confidence in handling my unique hair. she kept whispering to mich's aunt in cantonese and made me quite annoyed. AND she just took out the iron n wanted to straighten my hair WITHOUT EVEN ASKING ME!!!!!! huh? but i just went ahead with it since it's no harm trying. anw i think the iron damaged my hair a little. yeah so im going for another trim soon...ARGH.

and on my way home i bumped into a FREAKING RUDE worker carrying a plank into the shopping mall doing some setting up for the next day. i was deep in thought and didn't hear him when he asked me to look out and almost bumped into him. he SHOUTED at me like i was some useless crap. WTH!!!!!!!!!! i was so angry i practically stormed all the way home. and then i came home to squabbling parents. squabbling over RUBBISH THINGS. WTH?!?! and it made me even more pissed off after a tiring day, a disappointing haircut, and a bloody rude worker.

on a lighter note i enjoyed Guns n Talks and My Sassy Girl at mich's house yesterday =D hee damn funny shows. and i accompanied mich to sajc to return her friend's file:) so i got to see my sajc friends=D

kz goin off to school very soon for the farewell assembly and tonight im gonna feast on vcds again mwahahahaha deprived xintian. till later~

somethings i learnt from my population geog:

the cost of fertilizing US golf courses for a year is enough to feed an entire african nation for a year!!
AND it costs 7 million to film a stunt in a movie, enough to educated 77 MILLION africans on AIDS awareness!!
a pretty ridiculous world we live in isnt it?!?

i like studying pop geog:) coz it's relatively simpler compared to other human geog topics, or geog topics for the matter. it seems like the world's trying to find its balance somewhere. or maybe it's like water finding the lowest point.

i was having an internal debate between studying economics geog and urban geography. ive decided to go for urban geog since it seems to give a more opitimistic feeling. HAHA we shall see...

im very much into pastel art now! especially after a three hour session yesterday experimenting with colours!! i was TREMENDOUSLY INSPIRED by an artbook i dug out from the shelf yesterday afternn. the paintings and demos in there looked soooooo beautiful yet simple and easy-looking enough. HAH. so i decided to try them out!! wellll turned out most of my watercolour tubes have run out of paint so too bad i had to make do with the ones u do with crayons:) and it was SO MUCH FUN!!!! though i must admit trying to get the desired effects wasn't easy! but in the process i churned out quite a number of interesting colour combinations that i had never thought of using before! and it's pretty amazing how EVERY colour combination reflects a different mood! heeheeeeeee here comes artist lee!! mwahha looks like ive got a new found hobby!! perhaps i'll like to get a scrapbook, a new set of watercolour paint and a new set of crayons:) my current set of crayons have lived with me since i was 7! i'd particularly like to try out landscape drawings:)

care n share

muzzle to muzzle: baby snow foxes playing
they're such adorable creatures :) its pretty amazing the way they change their fur colour according to the seasons. for camouflage purposes i guess:)
u know i love looking at photographs of animals captured during intimate moments, like a lioness nuzzling her cub. i find it heartwarming seeing animals, usually thought of as uncivilized scavangers, expressing love and care, n it's so human-like!

i still keep a photocopied version of a newspaper article ms ong shared with our class last yr from her journal. it was a picture of a puppy accepting a piece of bread offered by a monkey. and my teacher wrote that this favourite shot of hers touched her because it shows that even animals from different species know how to give and to receive. and the concentration in the monkey's eyes as the puppy took bread from its fingers shows the sophistication of both creatures:)it was my favourite picture last year too!

pangsai

i feel like pangsai now. i suspect my yin n yang are not balanced. hhahha thought of that in the shower earlier:) shall go with my mom to the chinese practitioner on her next trip? heeheeheee sobbbbbsssssssss............ ve been screwing up everything i do recently. the maths paper was a classic case. everything this morning was perfect, cept my left brain. ahahh shant talk abt the paper shall tell u what a perfect exam setting my class was lucky to experience=) or at least ME! hahahha the room was airconditioned with super bright sunlight streaming in from the windows and from the ceiling light! woOOT!~ AND a train toottooted by=D hehehehe

ahh sigh pangsai tian just slept her entire afternoon away. craziness i keep having crazy dreams these days. ooh but not my entire afternn went wasted=) i dug out this month's issue of the national geographic(my all time fav mag!) and dived into the world of the KEEPERS OF THE WORLD - the indigenous people living in the mountains of santa marta or smthg like that. cant remember. hehe wished i lived there. it was my childhood dream to live in a hut! hmm n i was pondering if it were better if i were born in that community instead of mine. it would be so fun to experience that kindaf life=) simple n good with great historical heritage. heh but i live in the city and i get the opportunity to learn abt several various kinds of communities=) i dont think i'd be thinking it fun if i were actually living there haahha so i've decided my city's better, and i can dream while i stare at the pictures=)

wooooot!~ hahah dad's packing his schoolbag now mwahhaahh! he's going for an option trading seminar with mom tmr n tmr n tmr n tmr. that's FOUR lonely afternoons mugging at home:( nvm no mama=no distraction =) hahahaha

ive never crammed so many formulas in a night before! this is craziness. i realized i really have short term memory. really SHORT. things like differentiation that i thought i was pro at barely a month ago, and now i cant progress after copying the question on my paper!!!!!!!! i think my left brain's underdeveloped!

jeffrey michael's songs remind me SO much of jiehui! haahahha their styles are very similar! hees i can draw similarities between them! they dont really know how to read music scores, they have very good ears, and they can just sit at the piano and start playing beautiful music they compose on the spot. hahhah coz i realized his pieces dont really have structures and i like it that way coz it's just flows n flows n flows. and it's very therapeutic=)
i discovered one pretty sad thing about myself. when i listen to music like his, all i picture in my mind's piano keys. and i try to guess which note he's playing or which chord yadayada. his songs are supposed to evoke lovely mental pictures! in fact many are. but they just dont come to me! instead, it's those stupid piano keys!!!

alrite time to go back to maths! slping early tonight=) it's a must for maths papers! =)

HALLOOOOOOOOOOOOO WORLD AGAIN!!!! im back! NOW i can see my own blog in my own computer! hees and i'm so proud of myself!!!!!!!! i actually figured how to change the picture there-----> and even the ht and width of it!!! hahahahhhhh! and i knew how to paste my tagboard frm the previous template!!!!! yay yay improvement!!

hmmmmmzzzzzz im so pleased with myself tday coz i FINALLY FINALLY got the JEFFREY MICHAEL cd!!!!!!! been hearing it play these few days on my way home and i finally decided i just had to get a copy of it! hee so i bought the cd at my favourite time of the day hahahah and i felt so pleased! yep man i've listened to them(there r 2 cds in there) and it's definately worth my moneyyyy! most of the songs are his own composition and hahha i think he doesnt know how to read musical notes. he composes his songs with his own notation form he developed since young:) oooolo-ve-lyyy!!!

hallo

hallo hallo

today was such a nice nice day!! let me list a few things that made my day today =D

1. i FINALLY completed a rockwall climb!! hahahh i'm glad i decided to go for PE today! so at least i've tried the rockwall before saying byebye to our cosy little campus! and it was an achievement to me coz i thought i wouldn't be able to do it and when i was almost up there i got stuck for SO LONG!! i thought of giving up but thanks to those down there encouraging me n trying to help me find ways to get up! =) hee im so glad i didn't say "i'm coming down" before i reached the top. i stayed up there for a while and oh my the view frm up there's really beautiful!! below's the second field with trees and more trees, together with the clear afternoon sky! i wish i had a camera up there. n of coz thanks mich for being so patient being my belayer :)

2. MOST importantly, i talked to globe today!!!!!!! hahah i was such a nut! freakin out and almost chickening out! haha owell i've never experienced this kinda thing before! i was hesitating so much and my heart was thumping like MAD!! hee glad i got an excuse n asked him to join in AFUA's busking festivities! hahah he surprisingly agreed to consider it with his band and he was really quite nice about it! and didn't shoot me a what-the-hell look :) hahah thankful for that! but i stupidly forgot to leave my name! how unprofessional of me. hee and thanks to all my frens who encouraged me!!!!

hmm i was really quite disappointed with my maths results though i expected it to turn out bad..but owell..after all those effort. and seeing mrs kong's disappointment..ARGH!!!!!!!! if not for that globe thing i think i'd be quite sad today! nevertheless mrs kong was really SO SO encouraging as she's always been..she went thru my mistakes one by one with me and ARGH i really feel like a lump of shit now. like she did that with me the last test and the last test and the last test too! i'm so thankful for a maths teacher like her but sob. ok time for dinner and then chionging for tmr's econs test. not going to let xiao ngin down too. which i probably will but owell try to savage whatever i can! =)

and may i wonder how heartless and selfish and inhumane can they get?!?!!?!? HOW CAN THEY hold children hostage with the full intention of killing them all?!?! and not to mention a whole SCHOOL of children!!!! and what about the teachers in there too? and the little children's parents living in terror tonight?? FREAK!!!! WTH!!!!!!!!!!!! i hope they'll be condemned for the rest of their lives and if they EVER kill ONE kid, may they burn in hell forever! arghargh what's wrong with their brains?!?!?!?!? and have they no conscience!??!!? argh!!! lord bless the children..

oh and we watched this rather heartwrenching video during geog today bout the 3 gorges dam of china. 13 cities, hundreds of towns and thousands of villages are going to be submerged and i feel so so so sad for all of those! some of the villages date back hundreds of years and imagine the culture and heritage that'll be lost! sigh i'd be really heartbroken if i were them. i can't bear to let everything that my ancestors have built and everything about that village that everyone is so proud of go down with the water. sigh could really feel their sadness and reluctance. and those houses that the govt promised to resettle them in..they look so LIFELESS and run down and i swear that the villages look 239847million times better! and the garden that they promised seem nonexistant. and even if they were, it's a sad garden. argh so wasted!! their lives are really going to change in the next five years, unfortunately for the worse. =(
owell but i guess saving the millions of lives that would otherwise be lost is important too. lose some gain some.. just that it's simply such a big big waste. i hope the dam will stay strong forever and protect the lives of the Chinese:)

one new discovery of the day I DONT HAVE A FAX MACHINE ANYMORE!!!!!!!!!!!! haha so i have been living under the illusion that i have a fax machine for a year. zhaoxin asked me to fax her some work and after so many smses and postponing of the faxing, i discover i dont even have a fax machine.

and i'm so super ashamed of myself now. yesterday on my way home i sat beside an arabian/indian man who conversed in hokkien SO fluently!! and then he offered his seat to a mother in excellent english! yeah and the little me who sat beside him cannot even UNDERSTAND 99% of what he was saying when it's my own dialect! time to crash my head somewhere.

kk save me i'm freakin out. very soon the no. of days to promos will be countable with my fingers and toes!!!!!! aaaaaahhhhhhhh i can happily dream about any S paper. WAKEUPWAKEUP do you want to be PROMOTED TO J2 OR NOT?!?!?!!!!!!!!?! hai there's trg tmr..good thing perhaps..shall have a nice shower in school and then study into the night there. my brains seem to function better within the school premises. home is where it rests, isnt it? hee i love coming home and doing nothing important. slouch in my bed, read something, or write something in my diary, nice music and go to sleep. prefably a dreamless one:) yep perfect. k so that shall be it for tomorrow! wheeee hahahh =D

hmm k beck i hope i can keep to my word!!!! and i wont chicken out or something!!! hahahhah the more i think of it the more AHEM it seems so i shan't think about it anymore! hee. treat me to icecream if i do it k??? okie! set. hahhahah luv u!

hai sobsob i'm like back to square 1 again!! it really stinks u noeee. sigh i know i'll never have it..what to do? haha owell time to return to maths remedial work! gdnite everyone!

i feel so much better today! after the rather dreadful couple of weeks:) hee coz today's teachers' day! no lessons!! and tmr's a HOLIDAY!! hahhah this time, i think i do welcome this break. need it badly actually. went back to ny and got to chat with some teachers! ms ong got the MOST CARING TEACHER AWARD!!!! and there's no other teacher in this world that deserves it more than she does! she's one of my greatest blessings! i'm thankful our paths did cross as teacher n student she's been such an inspiration. i miss her lessons terribly! i'd always looked forward to english or lit lessons most coz they were all so spirit-lifting and also really relaxing! she hardly teaches anything from the texts and i think the number of compres we went through in class the entire year can be counted with all my fingers and toes! but our class STILL did well for language! on top of that, all of us graduated with lessons far more valuable than compres and compos. she really made my life so much more beautiful:) owell perhaps she hadn't touched the lives of every student of hers, but for those that she had, there couldn't be a bigger thank-you!

okiedokie! today i feel really blessed and happy and loved!

Lord, may others treat me tomorrow as i have treated them today
-unknown

oh dear im feeling rather lost right now..too many things swirling in my puny brain. distractions distractions i hate them yet i welcome them. hmm wonder what's with this rather big change.. big coz it's even noticeable to my unobservant eye. since when did the textbooks ever got the smell the top rung of my ladder? i'd always been able to convince myself that it's not at all true that your academic achievement will steer your future. that's how i got away with all the pressure and stress from school. but the blessed me have been lucky and sailed thru all my crucial exams with good grades. yeah and all these blessings will run out coz no matter how hard you pray, miracles wont happen if you dont want it bad enough. and how much u want it is reflected by how hard u've worked for it. but sigh the honest truth's that studying makes me unhappy and i've always been trying to run away from it. i hate stress and i hate stress and i hate stress. but now i can't run away from it coz it's hit me right in the eye that yes that piece of paper DOES matter. it's not true that if you dont get a degree you'll be a failure in life but neither is it true that it doesnt play a significant role in a good future. why make yourself suffer so much because of your horrible attitude in your youth. it's not as though i wasn't given the chance at education, in fact i was given such a GOOD chance. but it slipped past coz i hated stress and i tried to run away from it! through the years i've sought comfort in the finer things of life, appreciating all of His gifts, receiving joy and taking pride in them. but then again, i've got to face reality. it's not true that it'll kill whatever i've grown to love about this world coz everything's up to myself! but it's not goin to be easy...now that i can't runaway anymore..dont be like Godfrey..seeking comfort in Chance which even myself thought him downright stupid while reading the lit text. i've just got to learn to face it and learn to love it the same way i've learnt to love everything else. afterall, this chance is a gift and dont i seek joy in all of His gifts?

hmm i dont really like this blogger thing. miss my easyjournal!! i guess i'll be moving BACK! sounds super retarded.

oh wells..been an extremely tiring week. EXTREMELY tiring.. and i'm EXTREMELY TIRED. a result of trying to clear all my owed homework while being bogged down by new ones. and it's been disappointment after disappointment. SO many disappointments this week :( all kinds too. guess i no longer see things as lightly as i used to and not care about things like my work or my results coz now, i honestly care and i DO worry. and it's an entirely different thing when i dont put in effort and dont do well and i DO put in effort and STILL dont do well. it just stinks. the to make it worse, i can just imagine my maths teacher's face when she's marks my paper this weekend. maybe she's marking it right now!! oh MAN that's the worst part. i'd promised her i'd work harder and I SWEAR I HONESTLY DID! i did all my tutorials and assignments NO COPYING AT ALL! but just WHY didnt it all work out properly during the test?!?!?!! my mind was a real blank. like everything was so familiar yet i had no idea what to do! and everything else too! all those lit assignments that i'd put so much effort in, and the geog test that i really studied for.. guess i must have gone wrong somewhere. everybody learns by making mistakes and i understand that and i'll work harder but it's still rather disheartening.. guess i'll just remember that there's a reason why we're given disappointments. so that when we achieve, the success is sweeter.

sometimes things that i go out of my way to do dont always go appreciated.. although the joy's in it's kindness and thoughtfulness, it'd just be nice to receive a sincere thank you or knowing that the person has paid it forward and extended that warmth to someone else. ah perhaps i expect too much.. but then again it's not like i expect to get something in return for what i do. sigh such a disappointing week it has turned out to be=( hopefully next week it'll get better! it's the last week of the term!! how time flies... soon we'll be leaving the campus i've grown to love so much and our seniors would graduate (no more globe!!sob). i guess the saddest part's leaving mount sinai. what's so bad about our campus!! i have NOTHING to complain about it!! i hope the new site wouldn't be too empty and sterile and souless. ohwell..gotta say farewell to the railway track..and that beautiful second field. i'll never get to see the fallen red petals all over the grass again. coz the next time the flowers are in bloom, i'll be over at bishan.

I love being alive and will be the best man I possibly can. I will take love wherever i find it and offer it to everybody who will take it. I will seek knowledge from those wiser and teacher those who wishto learn from me.

-Duane Allman

At You Feet

At Your side I find joy
At Your side I find my peace
At Your side I find a purpose
At Your side You meet my needs

I have run so far ahead
Fallen way too far behind
But I belong at Your side

At Your feet I find rest
At Your feet I find my peace
At Your feet I find forgiveness
At Your feet You meet my needs

I've wandered every crooked path
A better road I thought was sweet
But I belong at Your feet

In Your arms I find comfort
In Your arms I find my peace
In Your arms I find a tender
Holy love to meet my needs

I have sought a stranger's care
And a liar's fading charms
But i belong in Your arms
Oh I belong in Your arms...

OCS!

today's trip to the OCS (Officer Cadet School)was real good! i was dreading the trip for days and jia was so right! at the end of it i didnt want to leave!! and i'm SO inspired to join the army!!! i know i am a girl but so what girls can join too. hee but yea i doubt i will laaaa.. one month of those things are fine but i think two years is kindaf uh..long. hahah nevertheless, i think very highly of our soldiers now! great young men:) today's trip was so enjoyable pretty much because of very informative and entertaining cadets that brought us around and showed us bits of their army life! hahahha no wonder the OCS is the scholars' wing..all of them were SO good in their presentations of whatever they were in charge of! and today i held a gun for the first time in my life!!!!! hee a 10 over kg one summore! and i tried carrying the 16.5kg recoilless thing that was damn huge!! omg and the entire place is like a RESORT!! especially their 'happy-hour' place..very spacious and bar-like :) hahaha i was very much reminded of OBS! like a two-year OBS course hahahh

owellsss i'm tired i'm tired i'm so so tired!! and i have a maths test to face tmr....and preparation's zero at the moment.hee.

oh yesterday i went for a run at 8 plus round the school track:) it's a very different feeling running in the dark with the wind. and now my leg muscles are in a horrible condition. the worst i've ever gotten this year not counting the aftermath of the SAJC x-country. hmm and plus the 1hr15mins standing i did at the underpass near buona vista mrt station. i talked to the man there busking for that long. hee but he played me so many nice songs..and he's really an amazing man to talk to:) stressed spelt the other way - desserts!! hahahh so never feel stressed! he said we must live our lives humbled and ego = Edging God Out!

hmm ok i hope i have the strength to last through the night mugging maths. good luck!!

splendid day=)

I AM SOOOO TIRED BUT I AM VERYYYY HAPPY!!!! welllll many things made my day today=)
first, i did myself proud and i MUST give myself credit for finishing TWO TWO TWO TWO TWO ESSAYS in school today!!!!!! hahhahh i was really surprised i finished my Othello essay so fast! though i still overshot the time limit. my other PC essay was WORSE. i spent two hours plus on it when i'm supposed to finish it in an hr and a half!! but WHO CARES i've finished it!!!! and it's ONLY ONE DAY LATE!!!!!! hahaaha actually u can say i was on time just that the staff room was already locked so i couldn't place my assignment on mrs perry's table! AND i actually began to enjoy the prac crit essay half way through it! it's like once you've started writing and got the hang of it, you just begin to spot more and more points and each time you spot one you feel sooo good! like hey, i'm quite smart afterall! mwahaha =) i've learnt something today. no essay's ever too tough once u force yourself to get down to writing your first paragraph! it just flowsssss and flowsssss k i hope i'll do well for my PC essay coz it's really lots of effort in there!!
actually this was the main thing that made me so happy today:) especially after all my short concentration spans these few weeks and my piled up homework, clearing them and clearing quite a considerable amt in a few hours. for once, i have the discipline to sit through my work and FINISH them. though i still have lots of work owed, it's definately in a better state than yesterday!

hmm and i had a lovely time after my work with miche. joined her at the benches near the council room. she was doing her QT and i was just enjoying the night sky and her jars of clay cd :) we saw an aeroplane flying high up there through the clouds! hahahha seeing things like that make you smile. for no reason. both of us looked rather silly smiling at the sky but it was sweet~* took a stroll around the track. so lovely at night.. and u noe wad the green area near the train track really looks like the forbidden area in The Village!!!! omg i bet they got their inspiration from rj! hahahh had a CUTE dinner with her and she so kindly offered to lend me her discman for a day!! hahhah SO HAPPY!!! thus, i thoroughly enjoyed my journey home. thanks miche! -grin-

oh and not to forget, i did my special thing for the weekend!!i wrote a letter to a friend that i usually wouldn't think of writing to! hee i hope it was a pleasant surprise. it's always one for me:)
but i got so worried that some prankster would take the letter away from the locker coz i just slotted the letter half way betw the lockers. ohwell thankfully no one was so cheeky to do that:)

yup and on my way home there was an elderly couple sitting on a bench at my void deck with their grandaughter and the grandma was tying her hair! so sweet:) hee i hope i'll do that when i grow old too..tying my grandaughter's hair while talkin to my husband by my side!

ok i'm so supremely tired. i can't find my gp compre to do either!! ithink it's in school :( looks like i gotta rush it tmr. ok i WILL have the discipline i had today tmr as well and FINISH it. not to forget the upcoming maths test =S

entry number 1!

hello world!! a beeg beeg welcome here! hahahah it was orignally purple with a beautiful flower at the back, twas extremely beautiful! (ju it's your kind hahah u'll gush if you see it! next time u wanna change your backgrnd tell me i'll send it to u) but i couldn't handle the html nonsense so i'll just use the templates provided :) this is nice too anyway!

hee okie i've decided to migrate here FINALLY and stop being so stubborn. hahha easyjournal's gettin boring and here u have a nice background to look at while reading! and it looks so serene, like you're in heaven :)

ohwell nothing special happened today..did little work as usual, but an improvement from last week. i did only one chapter of my silas journal just now but it was something coz the chapter had 46million pages and i did a very thorough job:) i have one more to go and that one is EVEN longer. gd luck! ohh and i was so smart! i invited my mom to read on my bed so she'll bark at me if i fall aslp or drift away from my work.hee smart rite? if not i'll be worse off than i already am!

okiedokey off for a bath then continue on my work. can't finish as usual..oh well...till later~

hellooooo

helloooooo