i was rummaging this box that i'd used to lug all my things from my previous home over, sorting out and placing the items where they should belong in my room..(this is 3mths after shifting!) anw i found my sec four english journal where ms ong made us write down stuffs in it for a period of time but we subsequently just forgot about it. ooh brought back such marvellous memories! which reminds me...i STILL cannot find all my sec fou ressays. they're permenantly lost already :( my only chance is that ms ong kept copies of a few of them.. and this is TWO years after graduation already!! those are now such precious writings that marked a major milestone in my life.. and they're GONE!!! argh...

anw here's something i found and i want to share. it's never easy applying this to our lives.. easier said than done! so what is success to you? inevitably, i immediately think of A LOT of money!! and then i'll stop myself to remind myself that success is WAY beyond material wealth. but it doesnt change the fact that i'm still such a materialistic person, and i want to change that.

S U C C E S S
To laugh often and much
To win the respect of intelligent people
And the affection of children
To earn the appreciation of honest critics
And to endure the betrayal of false friends.

To appreciate beauty.
To find the best in others.
To leave the world a bit better,
Whether by a healthy child, a garden
patch, or a redeemed social condition.

To know that even one life has breathed
Easier because you have lived.
This is to have succeeded.

-Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882)

and this is what i wrote in my book then beside the poem:
My definition of success: As long as I feel good about what i've done or completed, that's success. when i'm old, i sit back in my couch and think "what a wonderful life i've lived". i have a warm family of my own, a career i'm satisfied with and healthy kids i've raised, a loving marriage i've kept. if i can smile upon these when i'm old, i've succeeded.

and i'd like to add one more - to have led a God-glorifying life.

my 16th year was easily the best year of my life, right at the beginning of my road to discovery ooh. that year i'd met the most wonderful teacher i'd ever had. i changed so much that year i remember i could hardly believe myself when i was logging in my diary a tribute to myself on my 16th birthday :)
two years on, i'm not so at the beginning already, and hardly even in the middle, but i've opened my eyes to sooo many many things already! just two years and i've met an even more awesome Teacher! truthfully, a little weariness is already setting in.. and i've still got such a long way to go!!

edit:
here's something else i found in the book and i was very amused..

My thoughts and feelings about Trees (i rem ms ong always made us write things like that)

"I have never been interested in trees, and coincidentally, my most disliked colours are green and brown (which aren't today), especially brown cos it somehow reminds me of the word "disgusting".

If i ever notice trees, it would most probably be for the sake of landmarkings. Every morning, i go to sch by bus and i usually sit on the right side of the bus. and it is my habit to sleep on my journey. i suppose it's the biological clock that wakes me up just in time for me to alight, and whenever i open my eyes, this is what i see most of the time wheni look out of the window - this row of rather huge trees, i dont know its name, then i'd know i've reached school. these trees are quite nice to look at.

Actually, there are other trees that i notice too - when i'm not aslp. Just before the traffic junction near Esso and the Shell station, there's another row of trees and i do not know their names either. they look fragile and weak to me. but what i like looking at is the morning sun shining through their leaves, and i can even see the sun rays so stark and strong penetrating through them. behind these trees is a green wire fence and then beyond it a huge piece of grassland that looks foggy in the mornings. i usually see this on saturday mornings when i go to sch for practice or when it is the time of the year when the sun rises very early in the day."

hahaha i think i was feeling very strange wondering why a teacher would want us to write an essay on trees, of all things. and i wasnt very willing to write one then.
subsequently, we did another piece on trees, and i did enjoy that one. (and i did well for it too!)
GP topics should be like that..so much more appealing.