story of Barabbas

this is from a book that *miche lent me:-

'Let me tell you a story. Have you ever heard of Barabbas?'
'You mean the murderer whow as a fellow prisoner of Jesus?'
'Yes that's the one. it was the Jewish custom to release a prisoner at the time of the Passover. Pilate(the king) asked the Jews whom he should release - Jesus or Barabbas.'
'I remember, and they chose Barabbas.'
'Right! Now just imagine - Barabbas was free an was walking through the streets of Jerusalem on that Good Friday. He saw the crowds of people streaming out ot Golgotha and follwed them. When he arrived there, whom did he see?'
'Jesus on the cross.'
'You learned your lesson well at that village school.'
'I heard the story often, but it never meant anything to me.'
'Now listen, Barabbas recognized his fellow prisoner. Suddenly it dawned on him: If Jesus were not hanging there... Can you finish the sentence, Fatma?'
'Then I would be in His place'
'Yes, Fatma you would. and I would. Both of us would.'
We were both silent and watched the water swirling.
'Continue the story.'
'Imagine what Barabbas might have thought. "It's unjust that He dies. after all, i am the murderer, not He. I have deserved death, not He. all i can do now is to kill myself."'
'He would have been foolish.'
'Exactly, just as foolish as you would be if you jumped down there. [fatma had wanted to commit suicide because she felt she couldn't bear the burdens of all her mistakes] The death you have deserved Jesus has already died. Since His death, every suicicde is too late. It's unnecessary. You are free. Free like Barabbas.'

i've read the story of Barabbas before and i've watched the Gospel of John before n saw how He'd died in Barabbas' place.. but it's never hit me this hard- that even if I tried, i can't die cos He has already died for me. His sacrifice has never been put across any more clearly to me than by this perspective that the author offered.

although this book is about marriage and i am about a decade away from it, God offered many insights that mean something to me at this point of time in my life. Above all, i saw how He would guide us when we allow Him to, to trust Him totally because when He brings you to it, He'll bring you through it. it gave me a little more confidence in my trusting of His timings and purposes. i've been trying very hard to let Him lead me, seek advice and answers from Him but i dont seem to be getting anywhere and im very unsure of what i should do, or rather if what i am doing is what He wants me to be doing.. i dont trust myself enough to trust Him.

hee anw today's sushi buffet was siao! we didnt have the stamina to finish all three hours worth of food. hahahh and it was super comical the way we were competing between tables and planning the best eating strategy to make full use of the 2.5 hrs we had! i'm so glad i got to try lotsa other kinds of sushi that i've never had before:)