my prelim results are crap. it's so horrible i cant tell you how horrible it is. it's way off what i'd thought i could at least achieve which wasn't much of an expectation in the first place.. i'm SO disillusioned and disappointed :( i thought u know at least give me a decent grade with the amt of effort i'd put in.. it just doesnt tally! i was SO angry and upset the whole of this morning i couldnt have been any more pissed off. worse still i couldnt blame anyone, not even myself cos i do not think i deserve such bad grades! but then again that was what I had written for my papers so yea it's just me. anyway let's just give thanks that i didnt get an F for maths..finally:) and ms chan gave me some hope.. let's just pray that the car i'm driving is a ferrari and this is the way God is making me step harder on my pedal than i otherwise would.

say hello to courtship..

i'm reading this book about dating and courtship in a christian's perspective that jeanette kindly lent me. i've only read the first half of the book and i think it's really good already. it's given me VERY clear advice on what courtship is about and it couldn't be any more wise and God-given. i wonder why jia found it confusing.. i cannot be anymore thankful for the book because it's straightening my messy heart and mind. it's answered a few of my many burning questions about dating. when friends express surprise of me not having dated seriously before, i usually reply that it is because i was never sure that i should involve myself in one or that i haven't met the right boy blahblah. and usually they'll reply that i should just date more to know what i'm lookin for in my partner better. and then i don't know what to say anymore because it sounded logically. yet at the same time i felt there was just something not right about it. today i realize that you dont date more to find out what you're looking for. you look to God, and make Him the centre amongst your choices and decisions and He'll tell you who is right, and when it is right. HE will lead you to discover what was meant for you in the partner He's giving you, not you looking and deciding for yourself what is right. bascially, He is the focus. not yourself. i really saw the beauty of a God-centred relationship between two people. it is so full of love, and more importantly it's accompanied by such a purposeful direction, wisdom, reality and patience especially.

i realize too that when God doesn't give you an answer after all your prayers, it doesnt mean no, and neither does it mean Yes. it probably means that you have to wait and be patient. patience is the most essential ingredient to await the godly man that God will present you with, and to a successful courtship.

Joshua Harris (e writer) also gave an analogy of a romance that he paralled to fine dining. the Master's got a great menu planned for you with several courses and various dishes. but you're just too impatient to taste them one by one. so instead, you just mishmash all the dishes together into one single dish and slurp it up. how gross is that. that's the equivilent of rushing the process of being acquiantances, friendship, courtship, engagement, and marriage. it'll just turn out equally distasteful.

and i also think that a relationship without the possibility of a marriage ringing around our minds is pretty directionless. not that you must marry the person you're dating, but we should have the intention of considering it with our partners. so i thought it isnt very realistic to date at a young age given such a long span of time before we intend to get married.

so today, it finally sinks in how important it is that my partner is a christian. because we would otherwise be very very very VERY lost. worse still, he may pull me further away from God.
actually i've also thought that this is being very unfair to non-christians. i mean we're supposed to love everybody else and treat everyone like our brothers and sisters. why are we discriminating towards those who aren't christians? but then this matrimonial union is so sacred and God centred i dont see how it is possible to share it with someone who isn't godly, as rude and unfair as it may sound. then what about dating a non christian? it could be God's purpose to bring us together so that i may have a chance to reach out to my partner and bring him to know about my God. but then again this period of dating is part of a process to marriage. by committing yourself to such a relationship's like starting off on a wrong foot. and everything may just go downwards from there. why not wait for him to come to know the Lord before considering a relationship.. you can still reach out to him through a friendship, allowing God to gradually bring him towards you in His time if he is the one meant to be.