once our eyes are opened we can't pretend we don't know what to do. God, who weighs our hearts and keeps our souls, knows that we know, and holds us responsible to act (proverbs 24:12)

with revelation comes responsibility. oh dear.. i'm quite horrible at this. i have near zero confidence in sharing His word with others AND when others put my faith down, i dont try my best to defend it. i'm quite shameful of that coz it simply reflects how shallow my believe is. :( i must learn to truly put my heart into it and believe in the joy of the good news!

on a lighter note, today's the first day of school!! the new campus has turned out pretty good! i'm already loving it! and i simply have this good feeling bout this year =D ok and i must say my school's sooo bright and seemingly sunny despite the rain! and cos my classroom's on the 7th storey, i feel like i'm having lessons on a mountain top like genting! the morning breeze up there's perfect! and the wind in the afternoon's just crazy haha! and the corridors are SO wide! great for waltzing! oh my and FINALLY i feel like i'm really in school with a nice classroom with DESKS! woots hahahha =D yay blessing in disguise!

alright guys, time to get our motors runnin!!

chinese

guess what! it's the first time i'm writing chinese in a nearly a year! i copied out the lyrics of one jay chou song! it was soooo long but it felt so liberating!! when i wrote the first verse i felt like i was picking up some new ball game! hahah so i've got a new hobby! - copying chinese lyrics and i think it'd help me pick the language up again =D

love

it got me to thinkin bout the word and definition of love. how much we seem to depend on others to make us feel loved. yet eve that is a strange thought, because on one hand if we depend on others to tell us, or show us, that they love us and we spend all of our times waiting for them to fulfill our expectations about love, then we don't take anytime to love ourselves or fall in love with ourselves or know ourselves, or treat ourselves lovingly. it's like we get stuck in this pattern of defining love by what someone ELSE feels about us instead of how we feel about ourselves!
on the other hand, no matter what anyone says, everyone needs someone to love, someone they can show their love to and receive love in return. ya know?
then there are times when we get so afraid of love, that we dont even take the chance with it. and never know the power and depth and goodness that love can bring. even if it ends one day, then we at least were fearless enough to experience it while it lasted and gain from it what we may...
but i guess there are certain things about love that are forever,
like if you give it you will get it
If you believe in it, it will exist for you
and even when you're in love you can't be blind
because if you dont love yourself, no one else will know how to.

it's necessary for us to love ourselves and know we deserve only the best from the people we give our love to and nothing less. or they dont deserve us.

~a.keys

u know what holds me back from showing how much i truly care. i'm afraid that i'm insignificant to people who are significant to me, that all the love i put in will simply bounce back and hurt me instead. but the truth is i really, really care. i wonder if i'm cheating myself by trying to protect myself like that. i guess i really shouldn't anymore. fearless enough to experience it while it lasted and gain from it what we may. if it goes unappreciated, i'd be hurt, but nevertheless i'd know, and God knows, i've tried. and no matter what, it'll never be a bad thing coz it's not going to hurt anyone else but yourself, and even so, that is provided you let yourself be hurt.

Faith is the bird that sings when the dawn is still dark.

hey everyone! merry christmas!! and i love you! yes YOU the one reading this very word now =D and also everybody in this world, and especially those who have made a difference in my life, small big all the same, i love you! =D

i hope everybody's enjoying this christmas season, a special gift for us after a long hard year:) my christmas day began with a BEEEEEEEEG hug! - frm someone i dont even know! and it felt really really good! yeap this year's gotta be the most meaningful christmas i've ever had coz this is the first time i'm celebrating it for its true meaning and as a believer of Christ, and that alone has made this the best christmas ever! it really felt different ya know, and i felt pretty special. heehee. and it gave the usually reserved me the reason to extend my love and my joy to everybody else, including those i have never met in my life, and wow the feeling was so great i cant tell you how great! perhaps it's time to crawl out of my silly shell and do this everyday!

i'd have to admit tho that this special day didnt end off that well. yea n this morning i woke up still feeling down. hahah but God has his way of comforting me - n reading my mind. i read in my daily bread this morning - Feeling let down today? Try looking up. -biggrin- hahhah

yeaps! school's starting! i'm both sad and excited! sad coz i wont be stepping into the buona vista campus and i think that feels very funny. but excited too coz i think i've had enough of the holidays and my motor has cooled down for way too long and it's time to get it roaring! AND i miss schooling with my classmates! exactly a week to go!!

instead of picking up my econs notes, i've been lounging in my sofa for hours today reading Lee Iacocca!!! heh he's a legend in the corporate world- he saved an automotor company from bankruptcy and flipped it inside out to success- in case u haven't heard of him. k maybe i'm kinda young for this but it's really exciting! although i'm not actually doing it, i'm thrown into the world where hundreds of millions of dollars are moving in n out everyday! and he's SO damn brilliant and confident. mm part of it was contributed by his family's influences on him. in order to promote the sales of a movie theatre his father had just set up, his dad gave the 10 kids who turned up with the dirtiest faces a movie treat! heh how interesting. and when iacocca juz took over the ailing company, he drew a salary of $1 a month to set an example. but a few years later his salary was so huge economists didnt know whether to classify it as 'salary' or 'asset'. i think we should be studying his autobiography for econs instead of those notes.

heh tonight i gave my culinary skills another go! i whipped up a salmon-egg-rice =D k i think i shld just specialize in cooking fried rice. that's the only kind of dish that i know how to cook and im good at. so easy if you go wrong u're stupid. heheh.

ah yes and my hip is hurting AGAIN! old injury's back... and it's quite serious this time=( i cant move it abt at all without feeling the pain. shit la. shucks. maybe i'll visit the sinseh or something. and i think i need the insurance for physio without even tryin to be clumsy.

and most importantly, i've caught the jay chou bug! but really really seriously really he's DAMN GOOD! his music is fantastic, and in fact, pretty original:) and u can tell he really knows and loves what he's doing, like he's put his heart n soul into it. not all singers do that, in fact, seldom do you come across musicians who do these days. yea man!

""The main end of life is not to do but to become," F. B. Meyer said. And for this we are being prepared every day. As silver is refined by fire, the heart is often refined in the furnace of sadness.

The refining process may be very painful, but it will not destroy us, for the Refiner sits by the furnace tending the flame. "

David Roper

"What is the real good?"
I asked in musing mood.

Order said the law court
Knowledge said the school
Truth said the wise man
Pleasure said the fool
Love said the maiden
Beauty said the page
Freedom said the dreamer
Home said the sage
Fame said the soldier
Equity said the seer.
Spake my heart fully sad:
The answer is not here.

Then within my bosom
Softly this I heard:
"Each heart holds the secret:
Kindness is the word."

-JOHN BOYLE O'REILLY

"Hating people is like burning down your own home to get rid of a rat."
- HARRY EMERSON FOSDICK

Everything that is done in the world is done by hope. No husbandman would sow one grain of corn if he hoped not it would grow up and become seed; no bachelor would marry a wife if he hoped not to have children; no merchant or tradesman would set himself to work if he did not hope to reap benefit thereby.
-MARTIN LUTHER

a treasury of the wisdom of the ages. i found Dale Carnegie's Scrapbook in my dad's mini library. combing through the book's like ali baba entering the treasure cave. hardly anything feels better than being enlightened by the wiseness of words. the one by martin luther's my favourite tonight. noticeably, the quotes that came from chinese scholars are remarkably simple yet impressive, and to my delight, often inspired by the works of nature. speaking of which, i'm determined to get my grasp of the chinese language back. i was quite shocked at my inadequacy while i was in kedah. and while i was watching those chinese serials set in the ancient past, i was pretty astounded by the power of the language! almost all their sentences contained just 4 words.

eee i missed my class dinner. how annoying..my dad didnt allow me to go. on the brighter side, i can go out tmr to church and my SA class gathering since i was a good girl and stayed at home tonight. SHEESH.

im still lying my way thru. what am i supposed to do?

i'm like an old woman now. my hip hurts so badly i cannot move them at all! that's how unfit i am after 1 mth not training! and i can count the no. of times i caught the ball today with one hand. EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! and i fell among the thorns of the mimosa plants. they all ar, look so pretty in their pink flowers and they play with you with their leaves but they're so vicious when u fall on them. my scratch marks looked like i was caned all over by my mom or something!