so blessed, i can't contain it
so much i've gotta give it away
Your love, has taught me to live now
You are more than enough for me!
hahah yay kae today's another FIRST time..... the FIRST service of this year im attending! FINALLY ive made it there hahha. okaeee not right, but jus glad i gt to attend it anyway. i miss attending services SO SO much! singing along during worship n praising our Lord.. i felt extremely refreshed! n im surrounded by brudders and sisters in Christ! n tdy during sermon we learnt tt we gotta worship in truth and in spirit:) so i guess it's not jus singing songs of praise or saying how great our God is but we gotta do it with our hearts and mean what we say n do! hahah ok i admit sometimes i jus enjoy worshipping cos i get to sing mah lungs out and nobody will notice how mortifying my voice is coz the leader's voice into the mike is very loud hahha!
alriteee sch's gonna begin in six hours time and i'm all fresh and ready for da week! mm ready spiritually but not so homeworkually hehehaha ok nvm i dont care! i jus wanna get the week started!!
Sunday, January 16, 2005
Saturday, January 15, 2005
my first cell mtg!
hey! hahah okaeee i jus got back from mah cell grp mtg! and it's the first we had this year and it's the first EVER in my life for me haha! it was great GREAT GREAT! yeap first time for chris as cell leader too n he did a fine job! this is my first cell mtg and i'm so glad i enjoyed it a lot so i'm looking forward too all future cell mtgs! we discussed really interesting stuffs like cults n how the bible evolved! and we after cell we played a retarded but EXTREMELY hilarious game! mwahah okaee AND dinner was fantabulous!! i didnt know there were so many kinds of yummy foods arnd the church! i gotta try ALL of them! so here's a million and one thanks to Him for makin mah first cell mtg so enjoyable! God bless everyone!!!
Wednesday, January 12, 2005
feeling useless
can someone please slap me! u noe i came to a realisation last weekend that the reason why i feel lifeless and lethargic and horrible half the time is because i'm actually feeling USELESS! coz i'm lazy... dont wanna do my work... putting everything off... and then not feeling good coz i noe im goin to face trouble coz of my laziness... but YET im still not doing anything about it! i discovered that after i finished many maths question frm my holiday hw on sunday - the day i wasnt allowed to go out and i sat at my desk and did maths the whole day - and woah the difference i felt after that was superb! I FELT USEFUL AND GOOD! (even tho i couldnt manage lotsa questions) yep ok anw the thang is, right now, i'm feeling USELESS again. coz try as i may, i'm so damn lousy at maths. i cant do almost all my work and it just leaves me so ARGH!!! and the lit essay's beckoning but....i cant even anotate it properly. u noe how frustrating! like u're trying but u're somehow so stupid u cant even help yourself! osigh osigh! ive always believed that tuition is crap coz everything is up to u ta put the effort in! if you really try, you can n u will do it! but apparently NOT! looks like i'm pretty hopeless at maths... really... oh shit....
Monday, January 10, 2005
hi all! hahah let me tell you bout mah lessons today: today's pe lesson KILLED me. i cant tell you how fit i felt after that 50min session! all those running and sprinting and abs toning exercises! especially THAT lift your leg at a 25 degree angle!?!?! i could barely lift them up! hahhahh and later this evening i had touch training! arghgh! k but the trg wasnt bad at all, in fact it was fun coz it was rather slack lyk we jus played fun touch and passed the ball arnd hehe!
n then i thought geog was pretty good fun today! we had a debate whether nike was exploiting labourers in teh ELDCs.... n my stand is a firm NO. hahah im surprised myself coz last time i'd have stood on a firm YES. but yea i think today i really put myself in the shoes of the nike boss and i think it's too unrealistic not to want to maximise mah profits rite?? and as tsus puts it: you're exploited only when you feel exploited. i totally agree! and anw they do not even need THAT much money to make a living in somalia... it would be jus unproportionate!
OK and gp today was one hell gory lesson. i still cant believe the things i heard. we discussed human rights today andd we were on this article bout child soldiers.. about how they are forced to fight in the military, govt or non govt. and the cruel, degrading, humiliating things they go through is jus unimaginable. there was this family with four boys.. the military soldiers forced the boys to fight for them, and then they said they didnt need all four boys. so they gave two of the brothers a gun each and told them to shoot their two other brothers. ms ng said this was so that they wouldnt have anywhere to return to coz they've done the most disgraceful and cruel act on earth n they wldnt be accepted back. and with tt they'll be more willing to perform other cruel acts since they've already killed their own family members and the guilt will never compare to what they've already gone thru anyway. and then there was this ex child soldier who was interviewed.. he spoke of an incident where they gang raped a woman, and when the woman said she was tired n pleaded, their commander stucked his rifle into her vagina and fired. i'll leave u to react to that.
u noe there're too many things to fight for and to help in this world. i wish every single being in soul in this world could be peaceful. but tt's jus near impossible to reach out to all of them. jus kids alone, there're the child soldiers i jus mentioned, the children suffering from Aids in africa, children who are deprived of a chance for education, girls who are suffering from sexual exploitation cos of the prostitution trade; suffering because women in their homeland are given no freedom. everytime i read about them, i feel so helpless. coz they are so many of them.. all kinds of sufferings, hundreds of thousands of miles away from where i am. i wanna help all of them.. ALL! but how? perhaps i can save a few but what about the other millions n millions of them?
n then i thought geog was pretty good fun today! we had a debate whether nike was exploiting labourers in teh ELDCs.... n my stand is a firm NO. hahah im surprised myself coz last time i'd have stood on a firm YES. but yea i think today i really put myself in the shoes of the nike boss and i think it's too unrealistic not to want to maximise mah profits rite?? and as tsus puts it: you're exploited only when you feel exploited. i totally agree! and anw they do not even need THAT much money to make a living in somalia... it would be jus unproportionate!
OK and gp today was one hell gory lesson. i still cant believe the things i heard. we discussed human rights today andd we were on this article bout child soldiers.. about how they are forced to fight in the military, govt or non govt. and the cruel, degrading, humiliating things they go through is jus unimaginable. there was this family with four boys.. the military soldiers forced the boys to fight for them, and then they said they didnt need all four boys. so they gave two of the brothers a gun each and told them to shoot their two other brothers. ms ng said this was so that they wouldnt have anywhere to return to coz they've done the most disgraceful and cruel act on earth n they wldnt be accepted back. and with tt they'll be more willing to perform other cruel acts since they've already killed their own family members and the guilt will never compare to what they've already gone thru anyway. and then there was this ex child soldier who was interviewed.. he spoke of an incident where they gang raped a woman, and when the woman said she was tired n pleaded, their commander stucked his rifle into her vagina and fired. i'll leave u to react to that.
u noe there're too many things to fight for and to help in this world. i wish every single being in soul in this world could be peaceful. but tt's jus near impossible to reach out to all of them. jus kids alone, there're the child soldiers i jus mentioned, the children suffering from Aids in africa, children who are deprived of a chance for education, girls who are suffering from sexual exploitation cos of the prostitution trade; suffering because women in their homeland are given no freedom. everytime i read about them, i feel so helpless. coz they are so many of them.. all kinds of sufferings, hundreds of thousands of miles away from where i am. i wanna help all of them.. ALL! but how? perhaps i can save a few but what about the other millions n millions of them?
Sunday, January 09, 2005
so that was week one of school! flew by so quickly, TOO quickly! okaeee there's always something special bout the first week of school. it used to be new books wrapped by my dad and new teachers but this year mm i guess it's the new campus! ok i wanna say AGAIN that me thinks it rocks! not that i dont miss the old one but this one is great! classrm's on the 7th and i'm proud to say my frens n i seldom take the lift! hahahh coz they're for lazy bums lyk the teachers. haha OK NO but then u wont know the fun n satisfaction from climbing -or even better running- up 7 storeys! which means FOURTEEN flights of steps!! it feels so much fresher when you step out from stairwells to the super windy corridor with uh aching legs hahah! and anyway it's much faster than waiting for the slowerthanasnail lift. oh YES and we discovered a heaven in school! owell at least to me, it is:) anyway im also really glad that the new year has come with the new sch coz i really feel like i'm starting afresh. im doin more homework than i did last time!
yest youzi n i went to the mercy relief centre to help out, or rather TRIED to help out! to my immense surprise there were SOOOOOOO many million volunteers!! to hell to whoever who said singaporeans are aloof when it comes to helping! we bascially did nearly nothing there coz there were too many pple hahhah the best part was the damn yummy chocs at this food corner for volunteers and the cute pumpkin peanet butter biscuit that i took home hahh and cute guinea pigs. haha okaee but at least i got to see for myself what the entire thing was like. it's pretty amazing how sooooo many people who dont know one another (besides the frens u go with) can get together to help people miles and miles away who are suffering. hahahh n the way they organize it is very cute. hehe go there and check it out urself! but right now i think they wont need much more help during the weekends. SO MANY PEOPLE! so u can go during the weekdays i guess :)
AND WITH THAT i wanna complain that my parents are sometimes SO annoying. i mean if my kid wants to participate in this kinda volunteer work, i'll definately encourage her!! they said i was wasting my time (!!?!) and that there are better ways to help, like donating cash, which we have already done! so we shouldnt encourage people to donate such bulky and difficult-to-send items. haha ok so maybe they were right coz i hardly did anything but at least i tried ok! AND since people have already donated things like clothes and pillows, u can might as well send them over as well! coz u never know how much that ONE pillow may mean! it could mean a kid having 4 hours more sleep every night so he can help his parents rebuild a home the next day! yea ok and i gotta admit goin to help pack stuffs again was part of my excuse so i could leave the house this morning to go to church before goin to the centre. but apparently i wasnt allowed since i'd already gone yesterday, and they think my maths is more impt.
and i noe this is bad, but im running out of excuses to go out on sunday mornings to attend service. well i try my best not to lie, but however i may try, it's still a lie hahah coz i didnt tell the entire truth. some say i shld just stop goin to church for the moment since my parents are so against it. but huh that would mean 3 years till i'm 21. HOW?!?!??! n my mom is way more stubborn than a donkey. hardly easy to even TRY n make her understand. ive been thinking and praying v hard for a way out without deceiving anybody but i haven't thought of any. so yea im still stuck here. i havent even stepped into st pauls this year :(
okaee i wanna end on a lighter note! so i'll just give thanks for the new bible i received from mich's fren lloyd as a late xmas gift! thank God and thank you lloyd for it!! hahhah it's really a GOOD one coz it's for youngsters like me and you and it can guide me with my bible reading too! be safe~
yest youzi n i went to the mercy relief centre to help out, or rather TRIED to help out! to my immense surprise there were SOOOOOOO many million volunteers!! to hell to whoever who said singaporeans are aloof when it comes to helping! we bascially did nearly nothing there coz there were too many pple hahhah the best part was the damn yummy chocs at this food corner for volunteers and the cute pumpkin peanet butter biscuit that i took home hahh and cute guinea pigs. haha okaee but at least i got to see for myself what the entire thing was like. it's pretty amazing how sooooo many people who dont know one another (besides the frens u go with) can get together to help people miles and miles away who are suffering. hahahh n the way they organize it is very cute. hehe go there and check it out urself! but right now i think they wont need much more help during the weekends. SO MANY PEOPLE! so u can go during the weekdays i guess :)
AND WITH THAT i wanna complain that my parents are sometimes SO annoying. i mean if my kid wants to participate in this kinda volunteer work, i'll definately encourage her!! they said i was wasting my time (!!?!) and that there are better ways to help, like donating cash, which we have already done! so we shouldnt encourage people to donate such bulky and difficult-to-send items. haha ok so maybe they were right coz i hardly did anything but at least i tried ok! AND since people have already donated things like clothes and pillows, u can might as well send them over as well! coz u never know how much that ONE pillow may mean! it could mean a kid having 4 hours more sleep every night so he can help his parents rebuild a home the next day! yea ok and i gotta admit goin to help pack stuffs again was part of my excuse so i could leave the house this morning to go to church before goin to the centre. but apparently i wasnt allowed since i'd already gone yesterday, and they think my maths is more impt.
and i noe this is bad, but im running out of excuses to go out on sunday mornings to attend service. well i try my best not to lie, but however i may try, it's still a lie hahah coz i didnt tell the entire truth. some say i shld just stop goin to church for the moment since my parents are so against it. but huh that would mean 3 years till i'm 21. HOW?!?!??! n my mom is way more stubborn than a donkey. hardly easy to even TRY n make her understand. ive been thinking and praying v hard for a way out without deceiving anybody but i haven't thought of any. so yea im still stuck here. i havent even stepped into st pauls this year :(
okaee i wanna end on a lighter note! so i'll just give thanks for the new bible i received from mich's fren lloyd as a late xmas gift! thank God and thank you lloyd for it!! hahhah it's really a GOOD one coz it's for youngsters like me and you and it can guide me with my bible reading too! be safe~
Thursday, January 06, 2005
With unwanted burdens come undeserved blessings. i read this in rbc just now. we often grumble and complain bout all our troubles and we ask 'why me? why must i be the one bearing all these sufferings?" but den, when we say "why me" bout our sufferings, we would also have to ask "why me" for our blessings! hahha it's something i've never thought of before! i'm always and forever unsatisfied with what i have and i often feel frustrated and angry over issues that burden me which is happening more so these days. so we've gotta learn to count our blessings! easier said than done, i noe, but still it's possible! so whenever u're down and out or angry or sad and burdened, think of God's blessings and ask 'why me' then your grumbling will give way to praise :):)
Monday, January 03, 2005
once our eyes are opened we can't pretend we don't know what to do. God, who weighs our hearts and keeps our souls, knows that we know, and holds us responsible to act (proverbs 24:12)
with revelation comes responsibility. oh dear.. i'm quite horrible at this. i have near zero confidence in sharing His word with others AND when others put my faith down, i dont try my best to defend it. i'm quite shameful of that coz it simply reflects how shallow my believe is. :( i must learn to truly put my heart into it and believe in the joy of the good news!
on a lighter note, today's the first day of school!! the new campus has turned out pretty good! i'm already loving it! and i simply have this good feeling bout this year =D ok and i must say my school's sooo bright and seemingly sunny despite the rain! and cos my classroom's on the 7th storey, i feel like i'm having lessons on a mountain top like genting! the morning breeze up there's perfect! and the wind in the afternoon's just crazy haha! and the corridors are SO wide! great for waltzing! oh my and FINALLY i feel like i'm really in school with a nice classroom with DESKS! woots hahahha =D yay blessing in disguise!
alright guys, time to get our motors runnin!!
with revelation comes responsibility. oh dear.. i'm quite horrible at this. i have near zero confidence in sharing His word with others AND when others put my faith down, i dont try my best to defend it. i'm quite shameful of that coz it simply reflects how shallow my believe is. :( i must learn to truly put my heart into it and believe in the joy of the good news!
on a lighter note, today's the first day of school!! the new campus has turned out pretty good! i'm already loving it! and i simply have this good feeling bout this year =D ok and i must say my school's sooo bright and seemingly sunny despite the rain! and cos my classroom's on the 7th storey, i feel like i'm having lessons on a mountain top like genting! the morning breeze up there's perfect! and the wind in the afternoon's just crazy haha! and the corridors are SO wide! great for waltzing! oh my and FINALLY i feel like i'm really in school with a nice classroom with DESKS! woots hahahha =D yay blessing in disguise!
alright guys, time to get our motors runnin!!
Thursday, December 30, 2004
chinese
guess what! it's the first time i'm writing chinese in a nearly a year! i copied out the lyrics of one jay chou song! it was soooo long but it felt so liberating!! when i wrote the first verse i felt like i was picking up some new ball game! hahah so i've got a new hobby! - copying chinese lyrics and i think it'd help me pick the language up again =D
love
it got me to thinkin bout the word and definition of love. how much we seem to depend on others to make us feel loved. yet eve that is a strange thought, because on one hand if we depend on others to tell us, or show us, that they love us and we spend all of our times waiting for them to fulfill our expectations about love, then we don't take anytime to love ourselves or fall in love with ourselves or know ourselves, or treat ourselves lovingly. it's like we get stuck in this pattern of defining love by what someone ELSE feels about us instead of how we feel about ourselves!
on the other hand, no matter what anyone says, everyone needs someone to love, someone they can show their love to and receive love in return. ya know?
then there are times when we get so afraid of love, that we dont even take the chance with it. and never know the power and depth and goodness that love can bring. even if it ends one day, then we at least were fearless enough to experience it while it lasted and gain from it what we may...
but i guess there are certain things about love that are forever,
like if you give it you will get it
If you believe in it, it will exist for you
and even when you're in love you can't be blind
because if you dont love yourself, no one else will know how to.
it's necessary for us to love ourselves and know we deserve only the best from the people we give our love to and nothing less. or they dont deserve us.
~a.keys
u know what holds me back from showing how much i truly care. i'm afraid that i'm insignificant to people who are significant to me, that all the love i put in will simply bounce back and hurt me instead. but the truth is i really, really care. i wonder if i'm cheating myself by trying to protect myself like that. i guess i really shouldn't anymore. fearless enough to experience it while it lasted and gain from it what we may. if it goes unappreciated, i'd be hurt, but nevertheless i'd know, and God knows, i've tried. and no matter what, it'll never be a bad thing coz it's not going to hurt anyone else but yourself, and even so, that is provided you let yourself be hurt.
on the other hand, no matter what anyone says, everyone needs someone to love, someone they can show their love to and receive love in return. ya know?
then there are times when we get so afraid of love, that we dont even take the chance with it. and never know the power and depth and goodness that love can bring. even if it ends one day, then we at least were fearless enough to experience it while it lasted and gain from it what we may...
but i guess there are certain things about love that are forever,
like if you give it you will get it
If you believe in it, it will exist for you
and even when you're in love you can't be blind
because if you dont love yourself, no one else will know how to.
it's necessary for us to love ourselves and know we deserve only the best from the people we give our love to and nothing less. or they dont deserve us.
~a.keys
u know what holds me back from showing how much i truly care. i'm afraid that i'm insignificant to people who are significant to me, that all the love i put in will simply bounce back and hurt me instead. but the truth is i really, really care. i wonder if i'm cheating myself by trying to protect myself like that. i guess i really shouldn't anymore. fearless enough to experience it while it lasted and gain from it what we may. if it goes unappreciated, i'd be hurt, but nevertheless i'd know, and God knows, i've tried. and no matter what, it'll never be a bad thing coz it's not going to hurt anyone else but yourself, and even so, that is provided you let yourself be hurt.
Wednesday, December 29, 2004
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