7.

Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?"

Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times (or seventy times seven times)."

-Matthew 18:21-22

is that what it is?

christ in ME.

On the bus home, I had a random thought.



if I were to live for Jesus because Jesus makes me happy... I'm essentially living for myself because Jesus makes ME happy.

that is why Jesus doesn't seem enough. if happiness is what I believe in Jesus for, it's not going to last. because sorrow will surely visit. if the sensation of love, assurance, and comfort is the only reason why I believe in Jesus, it's not going to last. because Jesus is measured by my joy and my satisfaction.

it explains why some children of God are lukewarm in their faith, some are torn between material 'real-world' pleasure and the commitment to Christ, and some give their faith up when robbed of their happiness.
yet, some children of God are so consumed by the reality of Christ.

if I were to live for Jesus, I'd have to live for truth. it means to live for what is real...to find it and then hold on to it. Truth is knowing that Christ is the reality. knowing how, and knowing why. knowing, by the way, is not being absolute and neither is it just a thought in the mind. knowing is living out an enormous degree of belief. I think that truth is the good soil where the mustard seed is planted.

Truth (in fact, any truth) is forever and it is constant. the good times will come and they'll pass. they'll come back again and they'll pass again. sometimes I'll get what I want, but most of the time I probably won't. But Jesus is measured by His reality. that is why some Christians can proclaim the goodness of God even though God doesn't seem to be around them. we can't 'feel' the presence of God, because God is not just a feeling. the presence of God resides in the knowledge of truth.

.

Life is good. but sometimes i make things complicated for myself and for other people because i can't see the bigger picture. I never seem to learn my lesson. how many times have i regretted doing things out of frustration? countless! how many times have i regretted saying things out of anger? countless! after each regret, I realize that I'm regretting because I never bothered presenting my frustrations to God first. i know that if i had done that, He'd have reminded me of his truths, of the bigger picture, and how my frustrations won't matter in the long run of life. and in the longer run of eternity. I probably wouldn't even remember it 2 years later. I could have handled things differently, I could have responded more lovingly. why must I bring other people down together with my frustration. of all the things I regret, I hate regretting this the most.



When the work of earning a living, raising a family, maintaining health and fitness, and managing relationships starts to overwhelm us, it’s good to think about how small our part in the universe really is. While we obsess over our work, God quietly does His. He keeps the earth rotating, the planets revolving, and the seasons changing. Without any help from us, He makes the sun rise every morning and set every evening. Every night He changes the pattern of lights in the sky. He turns out the light so we can sleep, and turns it on again so we can see to work and play. Without lifting a finger, we get to enjoy sunrises and sunsets. Every year the seasons change on schedule. We don’t need to pray about it or tell God that it’s time to send spring. All that He does reminds us He is good (Acts 14:17). Life will at times be difficult, often it is painful, and for now it is imperfect. But still it is good, for in all these things nothing can separate us from the love of our God, which is in Christ Jesus.

- Julie Ackerman Link, odb.

sovereignty

remember my post titled "probability"?

discussion about the interconnectedness of the sacred and the sovereign (among many other things) was tossed about in a very very draining and complex pol geog reading for this week - The Complexity of Sovereignty. there is absolutely no way I can put down the entire mess of thoughts (my own and the author's) here cause they're all still floating around and I can't get hold of them.

in the last pol geog class, our class talked about how power is circulatory. power has to come from somewhere for it to be given to its beholder to perform that power. power is also relational because those under authority are the ones who have to first recognize the authority in order for it to exist and be performed. yup so power goes about in circles.. but then where does it originate from? where and when is the starting point in that circle?

God's work

my father passed me something from our postbox today that made me really really happy (:
you know i think of the things that have been happening recently... and I can only say that God is doing something. it can't be anything else! he's doing something that excites me to my bones. Actually, i think He's doing quite a few things!

I am really looking forward to doing all these.. to being a part of his team. to see how he works and all, and to experience them so close to my heart... sharing in these experiences with people i love a lot. I want to see how God uses prayer to change things too... how he uses them to work. I want to see how he provides and eventually delivers through the rough and pitted roads. I want to see his magic!

today i thought a little bit about prayer. i thought about how difficult it is to change my pre(mis)-conception of what prayer is. people say that God works through prayer. i often have this idea in my head that prayers are generated from me. I talk to God about things that are on my heart... he listens to them.. and he works! so God works through prayer.
actually.. i got it kinda wrong. prayer is the time when we connect and talk to each other.. which means God has things to say to me too. what i pray about doesn't come from me. God is the source. (he's the source of all things anyway!) He places thoughts, burdens, answers, etc... on my heart. sometimes it's obvious because i know they're not my feelings nor my thoughts. so actually the most important thing during prayer is to listen. i read about it in Hearing God's Voice before (: so God, already knowing what has to be done, communicates with me during prayer so that I know what to do..what to pray for..what to look forward to.. and he gets his work done that i may see it and be a part of it and know that he's working. through prayer!
arh. okay i don't really know how to express this. i drew a little diagram that says it very clearly but i can't draw it up here!

anw, God listens too. he's really sweet and patient. he listens even though he already knows. and then he encourages you.. in such a specific way that you know he's heard you.
(:


ok tt's all for now. i'm walking on a path of miracles.

i wanna change room!

i like to lie on my parents' bed at night cos i can clearly see the big fat clouds parading before me in slow choreography. and sometimes the stars behind them. how nice right... to fall asleep like that every night. i wonder if my dad even notices how good sleeping on his side of the bed is. sadly, i can't do the same for mine. cos i have a big cupboard sitting too near my window for my bed to be anywhere near it!





I don't want to talk about it
How you broke my heart
If I stay here just a little bit longer
won't you listen to my heart
Oh oh my heart...

my amazing mother

my mom just called me on my hp from her room using the home phone to talk to me. her room is right beside mine. she was too lazy to walk over.

zomg.

she really amazes me.

probability

school is starting
a kind of excitement's buzzing inside me
it feels like it's going to be a very different semester (academically)
different in a good way
(:

i can't wait to get going.

~

perhentian was incredible
like postcards coming to life! I asked myself everyday how could waters end up that pretty?!
and in the night, it was a ghostly beauty.

on my 12hr journey to the island, i thought to myself about many things.
i always think this thought whenever i'm traveling the NS highway. just somehow...!

what is the probability of our earth coming into existence by chance?

I thought about natural creation:
- the probability of a perfect combination of atoms to form the perfect atmosphere for living things to survive: oxygen, nitrogen, carbon dioxide
- the probability of a perfect combination of hydrogen and oxygen to form water.
- the existence of atoms. how did atoms come about? from nothing?

I thought about living cells and how they got together to form all the amazing things of our world. Trees, forests, insects, birds, animals, marine life. not just that! each and every creature has its own colour! how did colours come into existence? from the light? what about the colours that grow on the skins of living things? how could fishes possess such colourful, cutting edge, and intricate designs? what about the corals? their details are barely even 1mm big. and these cells are smart enough to know how to evolve.

what is the probability of each and ever detail coming to life by chance? and then think about the most jaw dropping creation of all - human beings. and our brains. and how our entire body functions. how in the name of chance did that happen?

if you multiply the probabilities of all atoms coming into existence,
then multiply that answer by the probabilities of all the living cells coming into existence,
then multiply that answer by the probabilities of each minute detail of every single living organism (those that have existed in the past, that are still alive, and have yet to come) coming into existence,
then multiply that answer by the probability of them coming together to function in that particular manner and to look that particular way,
the answer is sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo close to a zero.

so i had two conclusions.
one, there is a God higher than all of the earth and the atoms of the universe. He is the beginning of everything. He came from nothingness.
and because the answer, though almost nearly a zero, is still not a zero,
two, there has to be an exact replica of our entire Earth within or beyond the universe. and i mean exactly the same. atom for atom, cell for cell, ant for ant, this zebra for this zebra, Lee Xin Tian for Lee Xin Tian. same body, same mind, same soul, same spirit.

if you ask me which is harder to belief, i'd choose the second.








maybe that's why i couldn't sleep.
exciting eh?

the hole in my heart is wider and deeper than i'd ever dare to admit.
what if the pain is too much to bear?
what if it's too big to ever be filled?

afghan thoughts

i just finished reading a novel set in Afghanistan, written by a British author who loved the country so much she made it her home.

i have so many thoughts buzzing in my head

do you ever realize that beautiful places are not enough to capture people's hearts? only beautiful places with people that contain deep sorrow, great love, greater pride, war, poverty, grief, and deep culture have that sort of capacity.

i also thought about the author who probably decided she loved Afghanistan more than London. obviously, Afghanistan has something that she'll never find in her native land. i think that the biggest and most powerful thing that Afghans have is the love for their land. and i think she probably knows too that it's something she can admire and find fascinating, but she can never share it no matter how much she wants to because it's nearly impossible for her to truly become one of them. it's like how, at a sporting competition, we may look at a very strong, united and spirited team with envy and then back at our own casual, friendly but disjointed team with dissatisfaction. of course i'd want to be part of the other team that has so much more life and spirit and desire, but i can't because i am just not one of them.

it's too bad for the people who are a part of the global city culture or the borderless world mentality. they can never create and experience a love as powerful as that. and it's a shame that people are pushing so hard for a globalized world as the best ultimate goal that they forget their roots. on a side note, i think that globalization has brought some good, but in truth it's just all about $$$ for the rich bastards. academics may study the impact of globalization on culture and stuff like that and make it seem special and taken care of, but honestly globalization doesn't bother about culture, people, and beauty. they just get blended into a bland concoction and that's it.

yeah it's amazing how my thoughts can wander.. i'm a true woman haha