big. bigger. biggest.

my dad just dug out a magnifying glass for me to read my readings. hahahah. how amusing is that.
my parents were horrified by the size of the print i read day in and out.

Through Heaven's Eyes

A single thread in a tapestry
Through its color brightly shine
Can never see its purpose
In the pattern of the grand design

And the stone that sits on the very top
Of the mountain's mighty face
Does it think it's more important
Than the stones that form the base?

So how can you see what your life is worth
Or where your value lies?
You can never see through the eyes of man
You must look at your life
Look at your life through heaven's eyes
Lai-la-lai...

A lake of gold in the desert sand
Is less than a cool fresh spring
And to one lost sheep, a shepherd boy
Is greater than the richest king
If a man lose ev'rything he owns
Has he truly lost his worth?
Or is it the beginning
Of a new and brighter birth?

So how do you measure the worth of a man
In wealth or strength or size?
In how much he gained or how much he gave?
The answer will come
The answer will come to him who tries
To look at his life through heaven's eyes

And that's why we share all we have with you
Though there's little to be found
When all you've got is nothing
There's a lot to go around

No life can escape being blown about
By the winds of change and chance
And though you never know all the steps
You must learn to join the dance
You must learn to join the dance
Lai-la-lai...

So how do you judge what a man is worth
By what he builds or buys?
You can never see with your eyes on earth
Look through heaven's eyes
Look at your life
Look at your life
Look at your life through heaven's eyes

sigh(: listen carefully to each lyric! i love the lyrics. sooooo much wisdom in them!
we're so precious and valuable in heaven's eyes, no matter how much we can build or buy in our lifetime (:
we're as important as a single thread in a tapestry,
yet no matter how important we are, we can never see the biggest picture for we are but a tiny little portion of this world.

nuggets for thought.

I collected a few interesting nuggets this week (:

the tower of babel (Genesis 11):
I was sharing with beck that the stuff i've been reading all week (in fact, the stuff i've been studying all sem) seem to run along the lines of ethnic/racial/language/religious tensions. no matter what module it is, whether it's political geography or the urban, studies never seem to escape those divides. like all the world's problems are somehow inevitably connected to them. she then brought up the tower of babel and the city. then, all mankind spoke a single language. But people became all confident of themselves through their unity and thought nothing impossible for them. God then decided to separate mankind by confusing our languages and speech and scattering people in different places so that they will stop trying to be higher than God. That leads to (and answers) the question: why did God do that and allow the suffering that we've seen through history and today? it is so that there will always be a need for God, and people will see it, and go to Him. If all of humanity was united and perfect, we will never realize the need for God or even the need to acknowledge Him at all. If that were to happen, it may seem perfect on earth. but when Christ comes again, we will all fall short because we never saw the need to acknowledge a God or a Christ. at that point, eternity won't be perfect for many. The sufferings of present time are, however, temporary in the perspective of an eternity. If only all who are suffering have the light of Christ in their hearts, their perfect future awaits. In fact, they may even experience the joy of earthly life in a greater measure than the materially blessed ones. Bringing that light of Jesus to them is therefore one of the utmost desires of Christians.

I talked to serene about it, and she gave me another perspective. "If as one people speaking the same language they have begun to do this, then nothing they plan to do will be impossible for them" (Gen 11:6). That was what the Lord said. She asked me to imagine this in our churches. If all of us could speak that one language in our hearts, to identify ourselves in unity for Christ, and for our churches (rather than who's and who's cell, or which young adult group, or which clique in church), then the kind of work we do for Christ can actually be quite unthinkable. haha just a thought she passed on that was shared by her cell leader.

power of your love:

Hold me close
Let Your love surround me
Bring me near
Draw me to Your side
And as I wait
I’ll rise up like the eagle
And I will soar with You
Your Spirit leads me on
In the power of Your love

this is another something that serene passed on in the same conversation. hahah.
I've sung this song a zillion times, but I have never realized the depth of the lyric that speaks of the power that comes with waiting on God, that we may rise like the eagle. it is really, really a profound power that rises out of a trying yet unfathomably rewarding process.


anyhoos, i'm feeling quite excited n curious about tomorrow's cell. in the car earlier, i asked pastor to give a rough clue about what he was going to share tomorrow. and he said that he feels led to talk about the story of Abraham sending his servant to find a wife for his son, Isaac. and i was like !!!! I just read that passage last night! as i was searching for the tower of babel story, I came across that story and I was drawn to read it carefully even though I know that story already. it's a biblical fairytale sia. hahah anw quite amazed when you see how the Spirit works. i'm glad too that we're going to talk about it cos it's very appropriate for where many of us are right now in our lives, and a direct shot at a common struggle many of us share.

i'm so relieved it's the weekend of a break week. never have i felt such a big feeling of relief during a midterm break ever. time for a good zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz!

on growing up.

much as i try to close the chapter, i simply can't. there are things that are still unresolved, within myself. and as long as they aren't resolved, i cannot close it. because if i do so, it'll open on me someday in some way..fiery or subtly..and it won't be good. other people are also going to bear the brunt of it. i never understand how people can choose to hurry on in their lives with so much baggage not dealt with, when they don't actually have to.

it hasn't been long, but it's been a process painful enough to remember, and to be etched deeply somewhere within. often i wonder if it would have been better if it hadn't happened at all. i think it could have. but i wouldn't have grown the way i did. then again, i would have grown in another way. whatever it is, it's been done. i couldn't have thought of a better way to shake myself out of an idealistic world, where believing in the best of people i love was good enough to carry me through life. because they disappoint, just as i have disappointed many who love me. the only thing i can bear to believe with all my heart is, is my lord. i'm not saying that i'm saint enough never to be disappointed with god, but if even that salvation is not enough for me, then i will never be contented with anything ever.

again, it's been a bittersweet journey. even though the pain revisits more than once in a while, i cannot ignore the joy that came out of this.


it's only been a few months, but i feel as though i've walked through many years of life.
maybe it's the culmination of where i'm placed right now in different aspects of my life journey. it's like i'm busy finding the correct runway, checking all my gears and pushing the right buttons before it is time for me to take off and soar with all those passengers behind who will depend on the wisdom of my navigation. i realize this analogy is apt in so many ways that i can't be bothered to put them down.

haha guess you can feel that it's been a really heavy week.

oh, the creases.

Speak to us, Lord, till shamed by Thy great giving
Our hands unclasp to set our treasures free;
Our wills, our love, our dear ones, our possessions,
All gladly yielded, gracious Lord, to Thee. —Anon.

Through Christ we have the freedom to let go.

the older I get, the more fears, worries, and concerns I have. and they only get bigger.
my responsibility as an adult looms in my face and the future, though so bright and full of potential, is still uncertain and scary. I begin to worry for many people other than myself. that's multiple burdens on a single shoulder.

I live day to day to day, sometimes (actually most of the time) planning for the future, near and far. I'm so used to it that I take the future for granted. cos in a way, we must assume a future that we can actually live and plan. It's not a morbid thought to think, but I forget that every breath I take is at the mercy of the Lord. my life can be taken away at any moment He wants to. I'm not saying that then I don't have to plan or worry. Planning and worrying is one thing, but planning and knowing that everything is ultimately at the foot of Jesus' cross is another. that freedom is something I don't really know about yet. maybe i have a glimpse of it, but many times when I feel the uncertainty of my future and the future of my family (and not just the material), I cannot help but feel very burdened. I wish I knew that freedom.

Jesus said: "Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat; or about your body, what you will wear. Life is more than food, and the body more than clothes. Consider the ravens: They do not sow or reap, they have no storeroom or barn; yet God feeds them. And how much more valuable you are than birds! Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest?

Consider how the lilies grow. They do not labour or spin. Yet I tell you, not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today, and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, how much more will he clothe you, O you of little faith! And do not set your heart on what you will eat or drink; do not worry about it. For the pagan world runs after all such things, and your Father knows that you need them. But seek his kingdom, and these things will be given to you as well.

Do not be afraid, little flock, for your Father has been pleased to give you the kingdom. Sell your possessions and give to the poor. Provide purses for yourselves that will not wear out, a treasure in heaven that will not be exhausted, where no thief comes near and no moth destroys. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also."

Luke 12:22-34

no more dreaming, no more hoping, no more risking.
no more hurting.



just let God be.

elp.

heaps of peanut butter on digestives taste really good! (: try it if you've never.




it's the time of the semester again. pressure cooker! this will be one insane weekend.
I N S P I R E M E ! ! ! ! !

7.

Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?"

Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times (or seventy times seven times)."

-Matthew 18:21-22

is that what it is?

christ in ME.

On the bus home, I had a random thought.



if I were to live for Jesus because Jesus makes me happy... I'm essentially living for myself because Jesus makes ME happy.

that is why Jesus doesn't seem enough. if happiness is what I believe in Jesus for, it's not going to last. because sorrow will surely visit. if the sensation of love, assurance, and comfort is the only reason why I believe in Jesus, it's not going to last. because Jesus is measured by my joy and my satisfaction.

it explains why some children of God are lukewarm in their faith, some are torn between material 'real-world' pleasure and the commitment to Christ, and some give their faith up when robbed of their happiness.
yet, some children of God are so consumed by the reality of Christ.

if I were to live for Jesus, I'd have to live for truth. it means to live for what is real...to find it and then hold on to it. Truth is knowing that Christ is the reality. knowing how, and knowing why. knowing, by the way, is not being absolute and neither is it just a thought in the mind. knowing is living out an enormous degree of belief. I think that truth is the good soil where the mustard seed is planted.

Truth (in fact, any truth) is forever and it is constant. the good times will come and they'll pass. they'll come back again and they'll pass again. sometimes I'll get what I want, but most of the time I probably won't. But Jesus is measured by His reality. that is why some Christians can proclaim the goodness of God even though God doesn't seem to be around them. we can't 'feel' the presence of God, because God is not just a feeling. the presence of God resides in the knowledge of truth.

.

Life is good. but sometimes i make things complicated for myself and for other people because i can't see the bigger picture. I never seem to learn my lesson. how many times have i regretted doing things out of frustration? countless! how many times have i regretted saying things out of anger? countless! after each regret, I realize that I'm regretting because I never bothered presenting my frustrations to God first. i know that if i had done that, He'd have reminded me of his truths, of the bigger picture, and how my frustrations won't matter in the long run of life. and in the longer run of eternity. I probably wouldn't even remember it 2 years later. I could have handled things differently, I could have responded more lovingly. why must I bring other people down together with my frustration. of all the things I regret, I hate regretting this the most.



When the work of earning a living, raising a family, maintaining health and fitness, and managing relationships starts to overwhelm us, it’s good to think about how small our part in the universe really is. While we obsess over our work, God quietly does His. He keeps the earth rotating, the planets revolving, and the seasons changing. Without any help from us, He makes the sun rise every morning and set every evening. Every night He changes the pattern of lights in the sky. He turns out the light so we can sleep, and turns it on again so we can see to work and play. Without lifting a finger, we get to enjoy sunrises and sunsets. Every year the seasons change on schedule. We don’t need to pray about it or tell God that it’s time to send spring. All that He does reminds us He is good (Acts 14:17). Life will at times be difficult, often it is painful, and for now it is imperfect. But still it is good, for in all these things nothing can separate us from the love of our God, which is in Christ Jesus.

- Julie Ackerman Link, odb.