eating monster

HELP! I CANNOT STOP EATING!
i'm eating at 15min intervals. this is crazy.
and it's so distracting my mind regularly slips to images of a sukiyaki steamboat or a juicy beef burger or a plate of breko's pancakes or a bowl of ichiban's special.

what's wrong man......


i'm gonna cook some tomyam maggi mee now! (:

amnesia

today, elfie (a fellow toa payoh folk) was lamenting the rise of two condominiums in front of his home and how the demographics of the place, and with that the atmosphere, shops, and so on, are going to become hip, young, and modernized. he told me the he liked the place a lot because of its old charm and the kind of breezy laid back-ness that comes with older residents. i've never ever thought of this town as charming. but when he said that, i looked out of the bus at flats from the 1970s and their mildly worn down cream coloured exterior and thought hmm oh yea!

coincidentally, i'm reading about social amnesia right now. this thing about memory and forgetting. and to quote this writer Connerton, he wrote that "a major source of forgetting is associated with the processes that separate social life from locality and from human dimensions; superhuman speed, megacities that are so enormous as to be unmemorable, consumerism disconnected from the labour process, the short lifespan of modern architecture, the disappearance of walkable cities. what is forgotten in modernity is profound, the human-scale-ness of life, the experience of living and working in a world of relations that are known."
and i thought... oh dear.. this is true! pragmatism and efficiency - our country's two favouritest words in the universe. why the hurry to run fast into the future?

with this in mind, i think i've figured out the thing about toa payoh central that i haven't really been able to put my finger on. the central area is very unlike the charming toa payoh 'suburbs' where elfie stays in. it is caught right in the middle of the processes of remembering and forgetting. it is very telling from the array of shops, the things they sell, the kind of fashion on display, the music they play, etc. there are a lot of old school elements that can be found (probably to appeal to the older residents around) but they're promoted as modernized versions of what used to be. it's like you can't survive if you don't flow with the new age trend. the central area is definitely changing with more and more franchises coming in, and upgrading will always be in progress as coffee shops shed their years to look like a mimicry of Food Junction. yea to think of it, this whole place is undergoing botox. And when i'm surrounded by elderly residents who embody the memories of another time and life, the place is a misfit. that is why my neighbourhood is hardly charming and is a jarring mix of the new and the old that doesn't really settle well.

why not age gracefully?

Shantaram

I feel like i've lived in Mumbai for years and i'm only halfway through a thousand pages.

I've been hopping between a never-ending pile of work and a never-ending book. the paper i'm working on right now is a poetry paper and i would rather pay $50 to write 5 papers on the book.

forget all the heart wrenching sob stories. after the bible, this is the most penetrative piece of work i've ever laid my eyes upon. the author has such honestly profound understanding of the human heart and condition. and such an understanding could only be made possible by the kind of experiences he'd tide through in his own insane one-of-a-kind life. to top it off, the book is set in one of the most electrifying cities i've ever read about. it totally, and i seriously mean totally, changed my negligible perspective of people in India and their country. it may be a fictitious book, but it is based on his real life experiences in the city with people who inspired almost all the characters in the book, and it is a far from romanticized portrayal of Mumbai. i'm beginning to understand why so many people are intrigued by the country. i think every person should read this book before stepping into india.

btw, the movie Shantaram will be released next year, starring johnny depp! favourite actor with a favourite book. beat that! there is absolutely no way the movie can capture the kind of literary artistry that makes the book the great book it is, but yup bombay fever! (:

Shantaram

i'm reading this book, Shantaram, now. bad bad bad choice to have opened it to "just have a glance at the first page". i love the way it's written. i don't remember reading any better story telling before this. and the author's life is just. insane.
the book's making me DIE to go to india RIGHT NOW. and also making me think twice about going for i may die if i go there.

i'm at this page that's describing one of the first few shops the author stepped into:

RADIO SICK
Electric Repair Enterprises
Electrical Sales and Repairs, Sanjay Deshpande Proprietor

hahahha radio sick???

hm. i don't understand why. i'm really so drawn into his writing from page 1. it's inspiring

christian

hehehe i thought of something before i fell asleep last night. it's a bit lame.. but still!

i like the word 'Christian' cos it's 'Christ' and 'tian' conjoined by a 't', like at the cross!
it's so symbolic!

♥

I look beyond the empty cross
forgetting what my life has cost
and wipe away the crimson stains
"dull the nails that still remain"
More and more I need you now,
I owe you more each passing hour
the battle between grace and pride
I gave up not so long ago
So steal my heart and take the pain
and wash the feet and cleanse my pride
take the selfish, take the weak,
and all the things I cannot hide
take the beauty, take my tears
the sin-soaked heart and make it yours
take my world all apart
take it now, take it now
and serve the ones that I despise
speak the words I can't deny
watch the world I used to love
fall to dust and thrown away
I look beyond the empty cross
forgetting what my life has cost
so wipe away the crimson stains
"dull the nails that still remains"
so steal my heart and take the pain
take the selfish, take the weak
and all the things I cannot hide
take the beauty, take my tears
take my world apart, take my world apart
I pray, I pray, I pray
take my world apart

- Worlds Apart, Jars of Clay

an eye for an eye

lotsa interesting stuffs in today's straits times!
there was this article under foreign affairs about international relations and forgiveness between countries. it's superb!
i love this quote

an eye for an eye leaves the whole world blind.
- Mahatma Gandhi

it's a terribly trashy day today. pits man totally.
):

word

my professor from my tuesday class astounds me with her ability to plunge so deep into words. and it isn't some artsy fartsy trying to be smart and original kinda thing. she sits you up and makes you realize the profoundness of a word. by saying something, you can actually mean so much more than what you think you mean and what people think you mean. and if nobody realizes it, does it matter?

i was thinking then to a friend and i am thinking now again that it is indeed an incredible thing to be able to put abstract thoughts and feelings into words. or to give our subconscious a meaningful existence; a form that has the ability to truly represent - in truth. or is that even possible? ahh the power of words, it's a double edged sword. and the process of writing.. it is such a strange and indecipherable experience.
words seriously can change lives.

why is it that whenever i re-read whatever i had written, it is hardly ever what i meant? i can never seem to capture the truth of my thoughts.

so my friend thinks thoughts in shapes, and i think in waves and wordless emotions. how do you literally put these kind of thoughts into words? is there anyone else who thinks thoughts this way too?

on the midnight train,

i sat across a group of hearing-impaired girls signing excitedly and laughing over one of their ID photos. as they signed, strange incoherent sounds formed as they mouthed their words. but when they laughed, their laughter was perfect and really beautiful to listen to!

streeeeeeetch.

hello first post on the macbook pro. I LOVE IT!

i feel very stretched these few weeks. in many ways. many many ways. hahah. like suddenly i'm in all the unfamiliar terrains that i would usually avoid trespassing. one of them is technology. i can't decide if i like it or hate it more.

another one of them is to do with church ministry. it's been so hectic these two weeks and i'm feeling it. hm.
i feel very challenged each time i have to lead the cell study.
and i still feel very challenged each time i place my fingers on the keyboard.
i have a lot of thoughts but i don't know how to put them down coherently.
in the least, i know that i am stretched in a positive way. God is doing a lot of work in me and through me, and i feel like i'm still at the bottom of a gigantic mountain.
long way to go....