fruits of the Spirit.
only when it's taken away, I then know what He has been doing.

anw I really think my temper is going berserk. I know I can control it outwardly but inside of me I just keep getting pissed off like nobody's business. and impatience is getting the better of me.
something is just wrong. I can't control my nerves and emotions properly anymore.
Some people tell me that it's not good to keep emotions under control all the time.. it's good to express them blahblah. yeah but selectively. it's good EQ to be able to do so.

on another note,
IHG touch has ended. I was so looking forward to the end of it cos I badly wanted the break. But as the end neared, I so badly didn't want it to end just like that so fast! It was a bit streneous but it was certainly a wonderful experience captaining this year's touch team. It was totally worth it, the ups more than made up for the downs. think the girls really did great. I love this team a lot.

think this more or less spells the end of me and sports. and y'know what? God is great. He gave me everything I wanted out of sports. I wanted to play in a team that I could put in my every worth. and I got one that I really put my heart into. I couldn't have asked for more. It was my responsibility to give my 100%, but these girls just made every percent of it worthwhile.

I gained so much out of this. I'm so grateful to my friends who had encouraged and urged me to do this and were supportive in many ways. all the people who helped me in leading n coaching, who taught me how to lead, and through it all, here and there, friends and the girls in the team who provided a lot of lessons that will last my lifetime.

a lot of other things have been changing.. I can only say that despite my unfaithfulness, my disbeliefs, my stubborness, my disobedience, my outright rebuffs towards Him, the Father is kind, gracious, faithful. and to be all that, I guess He's forgiving. It drives me insane. it's so unbelievable.. things that happen to me around me. people (myself included) hang the word faith on our tongues so loosely and talk about it like we've memorized an entire essay on the word. but it's freaking difficult holding on to the invisible Someone whom I will and can only know in my heart till the day I die.

Some things are easy to say, issues that seem easy and straight forward if we go by the book and our convictions. but then when you get there, and you're in those shoes, it becomes a whole different picture. Although people mean well, they talk like they know it all because those are the rules and course is set. I was like that before. But now I know. It's so different. Next time, I'll think 5 times over how to open my mouth to advise before I do.




maybe.. just maybe.. unconditional love is real. maybe the love of Jesus can be found somewhere among us.
then again, we're humans. and human beings change all the time.
owell.