what's around the riverbend...?

to be remembered, the grace of my god

Do not be afraid nor dismayed because of this great multitude, for the battle is not yours, but God’s. Tomorrow march down against them. They will be climbing up by the Pass of Ziz, and you will find them at the end of the gorge in the Desert of Jeruel. You will not have to fight this battle. Take up your positions; stand firm and see the deliverance the LORD will give you, O Judah and Jerusalem. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. Go out to face them tomorrow, and the LORD will be with you.

2 chronicles 20:15-17

all i see is the tunnel.. where is its end..?

what open mindedness?

I was reading an online article and I consider it is such hypocrisy that "open-minded" people remark that religious teachings and values are narrow minded and discriminatory.

I learnt from my economic geography classes about neo-liberalism and the washington consensus. these are ideologies that the West (namely US) impose on the rest of the world through numerous means. Basically, they advocated free trade and open economies and democracy and deregulation. and anything that went against that, such as protectionism, were all bad and should be changed. But people have questioned.. are these truly good for everyone? Have these ideologies serve to diminish inequality and poverty for others? have these serve the development of the world? or are these simply agendas of the West that inherently contain formulas for them to better themselves and maintain their supremacy? Anyway, just look at the kind of crisis it has thrown us into right now.

Similarly, the West has advocated new ways of thinking and living. Being open-minded, radical, and all-accepting are the only ways we can move forward, they say. and these ideas have been mobilized and are moving into many developed parts of the world (where people are supposedly better at thinking). Many of us who are Western educated, especially students who have been a part of such environments, bring home these "modern" ways of living and promote them here. Then again, people have questioned.. are these truly good for everyone? are they appropriate for every society in the world? Do these radical ideologies and the stripping of "narrow-minded values" serve the development of people where they are being championed for? or do these simply serve the agendas of those who can benefit from them? aren't these mentalities a part of the reproduction of capitalism, where they tell us what to consume and how to consume? aren't these mentalities promoted by the gay community because they need these in order to better themselves? Many don't realize the mess it has made with our minds.

what i am trying to say is, people don't realize that they are simply subscribing to ideologies that tell them how to live their lives without really, really knowing what is good and what is not for themselves. There are many who subscribe to religion without truly knowing and understanding why and how, and they are criticized as people who simply follow what they are told in the bible, and are controlled by the Church and by an invisible God. Don't people outside the Church (or any other religious institutions) also realize that their lives too are controlled by the ideologies of others? and to say that a huge proportion of these people are simply blind followers of radical values isn't too far from the truth.

Even the celebration of postmodern rationality over religious theories of faith are also mentalities that have been socialized into our living. This way of thinking is inherently politicized in the grapple for power, just as how religious philosophies are argued to have been made superior in the long-ago past for political purposes. Which is truly better for us, we'd never know.

I don't have an answer and I have no right to say what is good/right and what is bad/wrong. What I know is that we have to be aware and think beyond the thoughts and mindsets that we just take for granted, and really decide for ourselves what is best for the people we love.

I have learnt that saying life is beautiful, and simply living life thinking that it is is not enough. I have to first know what beauty truly is.

I learn today that I have unknowingly been a radical kid all my life when you talk about heritage and culture

social differentiation without exclusion.
-ruddick

will the ideal ever become reality?

i feel so indignant for the black community all over the world. they've been outcasted for God knows how long! although their situation is slightly better now, it still makes me cringe when i read about their predicament. yet, it's difficult to point fingers at the other ethnic groups like the whites because they have been brought up in an environment that is reproduced everyday in that manner. "people know it(the repugnance of the black) before they even think it".

the world is a better place when i step out of my little emotional bubble. a state of emotion is, more often than not, a state of irrationality. sugs.
i still love you, y'know?


i love my church family. and i miss the friends i love a lot who used to be there.. really a lot! many a time during service or cell i'd imagine what it'd be like if they were still around..how i wish they never went away :(

groping

“And He has made from one blood every nation of men to dwell on all the face of the earth, and has determined their preappointed times and the boundaries of their dwellings, so that they should seek the Lord, in the hope that they might grope for Him and find Him, though He is not far from each one of us.” Acts 17: 26-27


there's a reason why He said "grope". It means 'to search blindly and with uncertainty'.
blind faith, we talk about it a lot.. like how our faith is not entirely blind, but based partially on a certain degree of rational and logic.
I think that rational part is miniscule.

y'know how blind people find their way around right? They can't see. They can never be certain of what is ahead or what is coming. They use their heightened senses. They feel, and most of the time, they would depend on their instinct - no logic in that.

and I'm pretty sure that's how we search for God, or how people search for any faith of their own. at least that's how it was like when I searched for Him. I felt my way around with my heart - blind faith. it's almost impossible to think through a decision such as this.

and then we'll "find". this is then when rational enters, when things start falling into place, when experiences begin, when order tames the chaos, and life begins to make sense.

the thing is, He isn't far from each one of us. we really don't have to grope for long. just start groping for the truth.

fruits of the Spirit.
only when it's taken away, I then know what He has been doing.

anw I really think my temper is going berserk. I know I can control it outwardly but inside of me I just keep getting pissed off like nobody's business. and impatience is getting the better of me.
something is just wrong. I can't control my nerves and emotions properly anymore.
Some people tell me that it's not good to keep emotions under control all the time.. it's good to express them blahblah. yeah but selectively. it's good EQ to be able to do so.

on another note,
IHG touch has ended. I was so looking forward to the end of it cos I badly wanted the break. But as the end neared, I so badly didn't want it to end just like that so fast! It was a bit streneous but it was certainly a wonderful experience captaining this year's touch team. It was totally worth it, the ups more than made up for the downs. think the girls really did great. I love this team a lot.

think this more or less spells the end of me and sports. and y'know what? God is great. He gave me everything I wanted out of sports. I wanted to play in a team that I could put in my every worth. and I got one that I really put my heart into. I couldn't have asked for more. It was my responsibility to give my 100%, but these girls just made every percent of it worthwhile.

I gained so much out of this. I'm so grateful to my friends who had encouraged and urged me to do this and were supportive in many ways. all the people who helped me in leading n coaching, who taught me how to lead, and through it all, here and there, friends and the girls in the team who provided a lot of lessons that will last my lifetime.

a lot of other things have been changing.. I can only say that despite my unfaithfulness, my disbeliefs, my stubborness, my disobedience, my outright rebuffs towards Him, the Father is kind, gracious, faithful. and to be all that, I guess He's forgiving. It drives me insane. it's so unbelievable.. things that happen to me around me. people (myself included) hang the word faith on our tongues so loosely and talk about it like we've memorized an entire essay on the word. but it's freaking difficult holding on to the invisible Someone whom I will and can only know in my heart till the day I die.

Some things are easy to say, issues that seem easy and straight forward if we go by the book and our convictions. but then when you get there, and you're in those shoes, it becomes a whole different picture. Although people mean well, they talk like they know it all because those are the rules and course is set. I was like that before. But now I know. It's so different. Next time, I'll think 5 times over how to open my mouth to advise before I do.




maybe.. just maybe.. unconditional love is real. maybe the love of Jesus can be found somewhere among us.
then again, we're humans. and human beings change all the time.
owell.

went for a church's christmas play yesterday (which was really good) and i had this verse stuck at the back of my head the whole night. I sat there pondering hard for the meaning behind what Jesus had said: You have not chosen me, but I have chosen you. (John 15:16)

I was thinking huh? I thought it was always our choice to choose Christ. Like how He can pursue us to the end of our lives but at the end of the day, it is still our decision whether or not to pick up the cross.

I finally googled some bible commentaries.
These words plainly teach us that our salvation comes only from the favour and gracious goodness of the everlasting God towards us, and of nothing that we do or can deserve.

think I gotta take one step backward. It was God, Father and Son, who had first chosen us to be created and conceived, to be loved and pursued, such that through these, the gift of choice was born. For no man seeks after God on his own accord, the fact that there is a choice to be made, the fact that the option is available in our minds, is God's pursue made evident. It is because of God's favour upon us, that we have this chance to choose Him. He had first chosen us.