I noticed it's just been a month since the last post, but it feels as though many have passed. so many MANY (and i REALLY mean many)things have happened and are happening. Though the energy drive is exciting and the issues that i have to deal with are interesting and strange, it's tiring me out really fast. one thing that does remain though (as always) is the faithfulness of God. With every step of this journey, God amazes me more and more, and i think someday He's going to blow my mind big time. i know it sounds insane but He's made me so happy i could cry.

anw, just a few thoughts on this seminar that I'd attended. it's called the landmark forum and i'd been so reluctant attending it. the only and only reason i'm doing it is my mother. i can't deny that it's changed her quite a bit and it means a lot to her, so what's the harm in just sitting there for three days and being open minded about it? A LOT OF HARM. and it was just one big torturing weekend. REALLY. my mind has never suffered this much before.

the course is basically kinda like a self-help course with "cutting-edge technology" that transforms your outlook of life to a more positive, wholesome and complete one. Ultimately, i think happiness is what everyone there was looking for. in fact, i think that is what EVERYBODY wants. It was about creating space in our minds by gettign complete with our pasts, inventing possibilities, identifying and then surpressing our negative thoughts and things like that. I can't deny that the course is intelligent and yes intellectually stimulating because it really explores the human mind, but it doesn't go much beyond that. I mean everything is really self-driven and it requires SO MUCH (AND I REALLY MEAN SO SO SO MUCH) willpower, mental discipline and emotional strength of our own to apply that kind of 'technology' to our daily lifestyles. I can't underestimate the transformational power it has had in the lives of some people and those around them, but there is a limit to our human ability and the capacity of our minds. One day, we're going to get really tired trying to overcome our own minds everyday. One day, something big and disastrous happens, something takes your beloved ones away, something happens and wrecks your life so bad that you breakdown emotionally and uncontrollably. Will your mind be able to overcome that? Will you have that capacity in a hellish state like that with your heart and mind all scattered? I can't say for sure but I doubt it. Just how much of our own emptiness are we able to fill by our own strength? The question itself doesnt even make sense because if we were able to fill our own emptiness, it wouldn't have existed in the first place. I think you know my answer to all these, and yeap there is only One answer to the void and emptiness that we're all searching so fervently for ways to fill, cover, take away, whatever. That is REALLY the answer and an answer, and I say that meaning it with all my heart and soul and with my life.