-grin-
i went to beck's house today! FINALLY! FINALLY! FINALLY!
i wish i had stayed over though..more good ol familiar times
:):):):):):):):):):):)

controlling temptations, even in thoughts, is so difficult! especially when it keeps coming nearer and nearer to you. keeping it at bay is such a task, and such an unwilling one.. but oh well... i hope i wont be sorry next time. though i have a feeling i'm doing the right thing, i secretly hope it isn't God's plan that it'll be like that forever!

i read the newspapers bout the indian man who murdered his wife with a chopper cos he loved her so much but she betrayed him and had numerous affairs.. when i was reading what he said my instant reaction was "Othello!!!" aiyohhh seriously a 21st century othello. killing her so that she will not betray other men and hurt others etc.. i feel more at peace now... haha wah so othello.

bleagh i dont feel like sleeping tonight but i have to go to school tmr. tmr's the last day of real school so i must go plus there's class lunch and youzi will murder me and chop me into 230948032million pieces if i dont go RIGHT. so i have to goto school!! sch's not very useful actually but i realize today i stay at home i also dont know much useful things. i do maths at a snail's rate. anw im beginning to see maths in a kind of positive light i've never experienced before when i see maths. now when i see the question my first reaction is 'i think i can pull this one'. :) improvement! confidence is the first step.

i've been browsing thru some scholarship stuffs that SMU offers and it's a less than 4% chance of getting an SMU scholarship. cos they only offer it to 40 students out of the 1000+ students! it's such a lucrative offer! if i do study in SMU, i DIE also must get that scholarship! it covers ALL my tuition fees plus an annual $5000 allowance and a notebook. that's a total worth of $60000++ if i get it for 3 years. and the best part? NO BOND. i hope i didnt read anything wrongly, it sounds too good to be true. that's the no. 1 criteria of a scholarship for me, or i'd rather not get a scholarship. i think getting tied down for 4-6 years after graduation is not something i'd want, esp if im in the business line. i can just imagine the things i can accomplish within 6 years. it's a SUPER long time. i'd be nearly 30 by the time i complete serving my bond. ugh. but then some people see it is a job guarantee.. oh well i think cons offset the pros.

jia suggested i pack lunch to sch since i'm trying to save my money that is dwindling at an extremely alarming rate, so i thought of the bread- biscuit thing kristine's mother made for her n youzi's party.. the one we ate with the tuna that was SO yummee? i asked her that day how her mom did it and i tried it earlier! simple and easy YUM!!! hehehe.. i can't wait for my dad to try it. i like it when he enjoys my cooking. mwahahh im looking forward to lunch tmr....

my prelim results are crap. it's so horrible i cant tell you how horrible it is. it's way off what i'd thought i could at least achieve which wasn't much of an expectation in the first place.. i'm SO disillusioned and disappointed :( i thought u know at least give me a decent grade with the amt of effort i'd put in.. it just doesnt tally! i was SO angry and upset the whole of this morning i couldnt have been any more pissed off. worse still i couldnt blame anyone, not even myself cos i do not think i deserve such bad grades! but then again that was what I had written for my papers so yea it's just me. anyway let's just give thanks that i didnt get an F for maths..finally:) and ms chan gave me some hope.. let's just pray that the car i'm driving is a ferrari and this is the way God is making me step harder on my pedal than i otherwise would.

say hello to courtship..

i'm reading this book about dating and courtship in a christian's perspective that jeanette kindly lent me. i've only read the first half of the book and i think it's really good already. it's given me VERY clear advice on what courtship is about and it couldn't be any more wise and God-given. i wonder why jia found it confusing.. i cannot be anymore thankful for the book because it's straightening my messy heart and mind. it's answered a few of my many burning questions about dating. when friends express surprise of me not having dated seriously before, i usually reply that it is because i was never sure that i should involve myself in one or that i haven't met the right boy blahblah. and usually they'll reply that i should just date more to know what i'm lookin for in my partner better. and then i don't know what to say anymore because it sounded logically. yet at the same time i felt there was just something not right about it. today i realize that you dont date more to find out what you're looking for. you look to God, and make Him the centre amongst your choices and decisions and He'll tell you who is right, and when it is right. HE will lead you to discover what was meant for you in the partner He's giving you, not you looking and deciding for yourself what is right. bascially, He is the focus. not yourself. i really saw the beauty of a God-centred relationship between two people. it is so full of love, and more importantly it's accompanied by such a purposeful direction, wisdom, reality and patience especially.

i realize too that when God doesn't give you an answer after all your prayers, it doesnt mean no, and neither does it mean Yes. it probably means that you have to wait and be patient. patience is the most essential ingredient to await the godly man that God will present you with, and to a successful courtship.

Joshua Harris (e writer) also gave an analogy of a romance that he paralled to fine dining. the Master's got a great menu planned for you with several courses and various dishes. but you're just too impatient to taste them one by one. so instead, you just mishmash all the dishes together into one single dish and slurp it up. how gross is that. that's the equivilent of rushing the process of being acquiantances, friendship, courtship, engagement, and marriage. it'll just turn out equally distasteful.

and i also think that a relationship without the possibility of a marriage ringing around our minds is pretty directionless. not that you must marry the person you're dating, but we should have the intention of considering it with our partners. so i thought it isnt very realistic to date at a young age given such a long span of time before we intend to get married.

so today, it finally sinks in how important it is that my partner is a christian. because we would otherwise be very very very VERY lost. worse still, he may pull me further away from God.
actually i've also thought that this is being very unfair to non-christians. i mean we're supposed to love everybody else and treat everyone like our brothers and sisters. why are we discriminating towards those who aren't christians? but then this matrimonial union is so sacred and God centred i dont see how it is possible to share it with someone who isn't godly, as rude and unfair as it may sound. then what about dating a non christian? it could be God's purpose to bring us together so that i may have a chance to reach out to my partner and bring him to know about my God. but then again this period of dating is part of a process to marriage. by committing yourself to such a relationship's like starting off on a wrong foot. and everything may just go downwards from there. why not wait for him to come to know the Lord before considering a relationship.. you can still reach out to him through a friendship, allowing God to gradually bring him towards you in His time if he is the one meant to be.

ice skating is a sport i can only indulge in one every 6 months. okay i wouldn't say indulge cos it's not exactly a very pleasurable experience! what i mean is the AFTERMATH of ice skating is pretty horrid. i have a bad wound on the back of my shin cos of the boots and bruises on my knee and the other shin and aching muscles everywhere! i think there's some technique for skating that im unaware of..maybe i should find out cos just 15mins into it and my feet are SO painful already, spoiling my experience! other than that, the feeling of cold air blowing in my face is pretty thrilling and it almost makes up for the pain on my feet :)

it was a good one week break well spent which makes up for our sept hols that was lost on all the stupid books :) and my friend kindly donated two calvin n hobbes books that would otherwise be rotting in his shelves, so it was a REALLY good break (hehe).. all my last few nights lost in comics. even my dad likes calvin and hobbes! so now, im well rested and refreshed and ready for the final lap! sch tmr! im looking forward to playing after sch rather. okie let's not say it's playing, it's exercising. that i need desperately!

ohya! i was at the bus stop going home frm my cousin's house and ya knoe the front of the busstop near the road's rather sandy. and then there was a gust of wind and when i looked at the pavement again there was a big heart!! a PERFECT heart shape! how cool is that! <3 so im sharing the love` G'night and God bless+

D R U M L I N E

woohoo Drumline seriously rocks!!! i never knew military bands could be so freakin fascinating! those i saw during the syf opening ceremony's a far cry from what i saw on the tvee. that one really blew me off man! if only i could play percussion like that with that kind of passion and zest. they really make the percussion i played look so so so pathetic. and i thought i liked percussion enough. hahaah oh my gosh the world is too full of amazing things. anw i couldnt help wondering thru out the whole thing how come they can stay so coordinated. as in the director isnt there all the time and they're spread all over the place by the time the beats of the percussion travel to them wouldn't they be like off beat or something? which means they all seriously have a perfect keep of rhythm! i was already amazed enough by our local military bands.

over at jeanette's last night we watched a russell peters show on her comp too and he is seriously a pro crapper. i cant believe he can host an entire show jus standing there talkin crap. but it's GOOD crap and hilarious crap.. seriously HILARIOUS crap! he's so smart.

hee anw jeanette's house was fun! we watched the Drumline show, and a little bit of mean girls and the videos and pictures in her comp.. her family's so nice too! had dinner there :) we're gonna watch phantom on friday before cell.. hehehe.

nuts about a boy and his tiger

CALVIN AND HOBBES!!!

oh man im so nuts over calvin n hobbes!! if there is one person on earth i'd like to meet before i go meet God it'll be Bill Watterson! some ingenius guy he is! i AB-SO-LUTE-LY LOOOVEEEE his work!!
anw ive been reading a little beyond his comics, that is about Watterson and the meaning behind his characters and his comics and yadayada and it jus made all the more in awe of him, and gives my enjoyment much more meaning. here are some things i learnt and remember!

calvin (unlike what many people presume to be his son) and hobbes are named after philosphers!.. i cant remember Hobbes' one but i recall that Calvin the philosopher believes in predestination. maybe that explains why we can quote witty and wise quotes off the comic.
and watterson actually gets his fun out of his writing by disagreeing to many things that he writes about.

to my biggest suprise, calvin is the total opposite of what watterson was like as a little boy! he was pretty much a quiet and well behaved kid.. hahha totally not my guess.

hehehe and interestingly, watterson suspects that calvin has a crush on susie! jus that he expresses it by annoying her, only making her think him all the more weird. hahah it is so like the way we were during primary school! when a boy likes a girl or vice versa he just goes all the way out to irritate her to get her attention - the more annoying the better. hahahah!

and today i finally know how old calvin is.... he's SIX! ive been trying to guess but i couldnt find any trace of it in his comic strips until today. haha calvin's dad was trying to teach him how to balance on a bike..
"trust me, ok?"
"trust you? i hardly know you!"
"i'm your father!!!"
"what, for six years? when i'm 40 we'll see how things are going!"

oh yah and i discovered there's this book called "Teaching With Calvin n Hobbes"!!!!!
how cool is that! if only my language teachers had taught me english with that book. i think we should just use it as our english textbooks and learning will be so much more fun for kids! but then again, i wonder if they'll even know how to appreciate the humour that i think kinda satirises adults' take on life. WHICH is another reason why i like calvin n hobbes so much - it is
in sync with my stand that children are actually wiser than adults! so adults should jus stop being so obnoxious about being cleverer than their kids and try to brush their talk aside. when i become an adult that's the last thing i'll ever do!

and calvin does have some interesting thoughts about God too!
but i havent really read anything much about those tho..

which reminds me that because im not goin through any form of adversity right now, it means all the more to make the effort to draw closer to God because of our human nature that takes things for granted and especially forget those that are intangible and invisible to our naked eyes. so right now, jus say a little prayer of thanks, even if you're not feeling good, cos you obviously will never have nothing to be thankful for :)

hi there!
had a good weekend:)

went to st pauls yesterday morn and spent the afternoon studyin there
in the evening i went with miche to mediacorp to watch the channel U superstars film some variety show. i was pretty much enjoying the novelty of being there watching the filming live and it was honestly quite entertaining and funny! plus it was their first attempt at hosting a variety programme. thumbs up! got to hear a couple of them plus joi chua sing live on stage. they were GOOD man! and also this dance group that won a competiton at suntec 05 that's SUPER talented and they had a pretty original item :) and we saw jia's bf there in a red kellypoon FC shirt and we nearly died laughing! haha think his friend forced him to go or smthg. im glad miche forced me to go.

then we went to adam's road for dinner! YUM!! shared a stingray and a nasi lemak and i got my favourite bandung:) i only drink bandung frm adam's road. i dont usually like bandung but the one there is irresistable with LOTS of milk! and i must add that the service there's top class!woot good spicy meal.. FINALLY! i havent been eating well nothing has been appetizing enough to make me want to eat.
so miche came over and stayed for the night, finally putting my extra bed to some use:)

and i really want some more calvin n hobbes... but i can tseem to get my hands on any which is so annoying!! all i can do now is read them off the internet. boooo.....

a step from heaven

i've finished reading A Step from Heaven, the book that is nearly parallels Woman Warrior perfectly.. and it's REALLY alike woman warrior! just that it's much much more heartwarming because it's literally written in her own "voice", as in literally tracing her struggle through picking up the english language with her funny broken incomplete sentences. and it focused more on her abusive father and victimized but strong mom than on their difficulty transiting into the american society. but it was seriously a VERY good read. no regrets! hehe actually i read the ENTIRE book on tuesday(the day before my lit paper) hahah i was nuts la reading this book instead of my lit text. hee

here's the part of the book i like best!
During these months, the only act that gives me comfort is rinsing the evenign rice, my daily chore. i add the water to the pot of rice and push the hell of my hand against the rough grains. Push, swirl. Push, swirl. almost instantly a white cloud of starch rises up and turns the water opaque. Murky. The grains disapear. For a moment, it seems like all that stands in the pot is a confusion of dirty water. But if i reach underneath the cloud, feel around, there the are. Tiny seeds waiting to be rinsed and exposed like nuggets of pearls.

of course i dont draw emotional strength and comfort from washing rice the way she does but there's definately something therapeutic about washing rice! tt is why i like to cook rice. and i was so happy and amazed to realize that there is something more to the washing of rice than what it appears. i never thought any further about the rice i wash besides watching the water turn white so magically.

i'm so glad the bulk of the prelims exams is over! what a huge relief, im so glad He was there to drag me through :) i discovered i REALLY enjoy literature so much, especially when i'm studying the books that i like! namely all the ones that mr booth teaches.. i really like them!!! i cant tell you what i like about lit because i like everything about it! writing essays are seriously tiring but i really did enjoy myself even though i have realized some of what i wrote was totally out. im even considering taking literature in Uni though unlikely cos it's not a practical n wise choice. i dont look forward to teaching for the rest of my life. oh yea and lit is so easy to study, meaning it doesnt require as much effort as all the other subj, like GEOG. phoo. hee i was thinkin ya knoe God seperated us all and gave us all different languages and look at us we end up with so many conflicts among ourselves. BUT we were given the gift of so many beautiful languages! can you imagine our loss if we never knew english or chinese or french or korean? haha okay there are many others but those four are my most favourite:)

ya noe everyone's saying that us jc students look so bushed and bummed and tired and full of fatigue, which i really really am. i was on the brink of giving up my restrain from collapsing by friday evening at cell. but thenn riteeee.. when i think about it, i truly dont deserved to be comforted or praised for working so hard so that im so freakin tired. because the reason for my fatigue is because i've been lacking slp the whole week because i've been pushing my brains beyond its limit which was actually the result of me doing extra things that i shouldnt be doing! like reading a whole novel in the middle of prelims. or combing through the newspaper for hours falsely comforting myself that i am gaining knowledge that will give me an edge over others. like wasting A LOT of energy on the piano. which resulted in me burning a whole gallon of midnight oil. SO...hmm... yea

anw im glad the momentum's FINALLY going! my engine's all ready to go full blast!!
God bless everybody with the strength and wisdom to sustain us through the next couple of months :)

oh wow.. the storm out there is really crazy. this is the first time here so high up witnessing such magnificent lightning! it's so brilliant and blinding and the whole sky jus turns pink and purple! and i'm damn scared i may get electricuted any moment mwahah. quite weird it's just lightning and REALLY insane thunder but it's just drizzling outside my window.. hmm.. till today im still unsure how lightning and thunder come about.

lookin out of my window watching the storm, and what else could i have thought about? all cuddly and cosy in my room, a fleeting morbid imagination of myself darting around the buildings but in the end i got struck by the lightning and died. haha so silly. but then again it isn't entirely impossible.. and then came another morbid and vivid imagination of myself running away from a fast looming spin ball but alas, i was cacooned by hurricane katrina.. and then i stopped there cos i dunno what happens after you're swept up. and then another very morbid thought that my mom could've been the one swept away and all i did was stand there helpless. i felt really stupid but now i think it's not cos it really happened. when it's real and it's happening to me i think i'd rather die first because my heart will be torn in uncontrollable anguish and disbelieve watching my loved ones dying like that.

which gets me thinkin about the stampede that killed hundreds in Iraq - all thanks to a rumour of a suicide bomber amongst them. when i read the headlines i literally couldn't close my mouth, and then i started laughing cos it was so ridiculous! it wasnt just ridiculous it was so tragically ridiculous because so many people died and because it was only the natural way that people react to such a situation. really and sadly we're truly animals. as much as i'd like to think myself an altruist, if i were in there i wouldn't have given a shit about any other people's lives save for my parents'. right now i think im really low as a human being. what are we even with the grace of God?

anw i popped by the library earlier and i found this book. i read the blurb and i discovered it almost perfectly parallels my maxine hong lit text (my favourite one of the six)! just that she's korean. i can't wait to dig into it.. gotta wait till the weekends before i can get hooked.

hmm.. the exam mood immediately and almost entirely faded with the lightning and thunder. 'tis feeling good:) cheers!