Him first?

I'd always understood the importance of placing God first in a relationship, that even though he/she may be the significant other, God is always before anybody else. But I'd never realize that it is important to extend the same understanding to other relationships, such as friendships. As in, yes God is first in everything and everything else, first in my life.. it's just that I'd never been consciously aware of it among my friends.

Time and again, I feel played out and deeply disappointed by friends here and there.. sometimes it's just unbelievable, other times it's just plain hurtful. I can't help feeling the anger and the hurt. and I surprise myself because I'd always thought myself stronger than that. But when reality whacks straight in my face, I begin wondering about the other ones out there whom I care about.. are any of them going to do the same? I wonder if I'm worth that little in the eyes of others.. what happened to their integrity?

But put all that "I'm hurting" and "I'm disappointed" and "my betrayed trust" aside for awhile, search for Him and take God as a point of reference. I saw many things that I'd missed in the past.. like how He'd been trying to tell me things but I'd chosen not to listen. If I'd been more obedient, the friendships could've gone His way instead of the way they're now. It isn't as though I'd never lied in people's faces or been dishonest. His love that is real love is slow to anger and keeps no record of wrongs. That's the kind of love that would be a joy to share. Whatever it may be, I know my worth as a child of God and I know how much my friends are worth to Him, however they've been, that He would die to have them love Him back (He literally did).

I'm not saying that I should deny my anger and self-pity. We have feelings for a good reason and it makes us human and alive to feel all sorts of feelings. The wisdom of the Spirit of love and peace just makes me sit back in wonder.