Obama!

The American presidential race is so exciting! for once I wished I were an american so that I can be a part of all that hubhub. Singapore's ones are really omgosh.. worse than a candle to the sun. I'm for Obama! and when I read this...

"Candidacy taken seriously despite his race or because of it?
The key factor that galvanizes people around the idea of Obama for president is, quite simply, that he is black. Take away Obama's race and he is some relatively anonymous rookie.

What gives people a jolt in their gut about the idea of President Obama is the idea that it would be a ringing symbol that racism no longer rules our land. President Obama might be a substitute for that national apology for slavery that some consider so urgent. Surely a nation with a black president would be one no longer hung up on race.

Or not. Perhaps Obama is being considered as presidential timber not despite his race, but because of it. That is, for all its good intentions, a dehumanization of Obama. What Obama has done is less important than his skin color and what it means. The content of our character is not center stage here. We are a long way from Selma, but not yet where the Rev. King wanted us to be.

Yet, in the grant scheme of things, I will take a little unintended dehumanization over naked bigotry."

haha it's the way I see it too. I'd want him to be President because he's a black (or even better half-black-half-white) and I'm anti-racist and I agree that it is about time for some symbolic action. haha anw I realise anti-racism is ironically an intolerance of the intolerance of others. The more I read about him, the more impressed I'm by his attitude of realism, the way he is practical and sensible about his Christian faith, the way he points out painful and scary truths about their present and past governments. I like the way he values transparency. But I must admit that he hit my soft spot being racially sensitive and with his ability to heighten racial awareness by simply being in the position he is in now. I love racial issues. It is something I feel strongly about and something that interests me deeply.

I find his take on gay-rights issues interesting too! I'd never thought of it in that manner - to disentangle marriage from gay-rights. it's kinda like the perfect balance between his Christian values and his need to remain politically neutral by likening gay-rights to civil rights and to have marriage maintain the sacredness the institution should be rightly accorded with.
He's written a few books and I really, really want to read them.. especially the one about his personal racial and identity struggles. I'd always read those about Asian-americans, but I have yet to pick up one about an African-American or a black-n-white.

Him first?

I'd always understood the importance of placing God first in a relationship, that even though he/she may be the significant other, God is always before anybody else. But I'd never realize that it is important to extend the same understanding to other relationships, such as friendships. As in, yes God is first in everything and everything else, first in my life.. it's just that I'd never been consciously aware of it among my friends.

Time and again, I feel played out and deeply disappointed by friends here and there.. sometimes it's just unbelievable, other times it's just plain hurtful. I can't help feeling the anger and the hurt. and I surprise myself because I'd always thought myself stronger than that. But when reality whacks straight in my face, I begin wondering about the other ones out there whom I care about.. are any of them going to do the same? I wonder if I'm worth that little in the eyes of others.. what happened to their integrity?

But put all that "I'm hurting" and "I'm disappointed" and "my betrayed trust" aside for awhile, search for Him and take God as a point of reference. I saw many things that I'd missed in the past.. like how He'd been trying to tell me things but I'd chosen not to listen. If I'd been more obedient, the friendships could've gone His way instead of the way they're now. It isn't as though I'd never lied in people's faces or been dishonest. His love that is real love is slow to anger and keeps no record of wrongs. That's the kind of love that would be a joy to share. Whatever it may be, I know my worth as a child of God and I know how much my friends are worth to Him, however they've been, that He would die to have them love Him back (He literally did).

I'm not saying that I should deny my anger and self-pity. We have feelings for a good reason and it makes us human and alive to feel all sorts of feelings. The wisdom of the Spirit of love and peace just makes me sit back in wonder.

Love...

I ask you to take every single word and let it linger.. as though it is a wonder to behold. I've come across this passage from Corinthians countless times but every time I read it, my heart can't decide if it wants to melt or soar. I think whether or not we are a believer of God, we just have to agree that there is so much giving in what this love has to offer. There is so much joy in it that it's impossible to contain it all. Really just so much.. when this kind of love goes around.. around friends, families, couples.. you just know it.
This is real love. This is God's love.

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."

I want to hold these words tightly and seal them upon my heart for as long as I live.

remembering..

I'd just opened today's daily bread and what it offered was very apt in my journey right now and to what I'd written in the previous entry. nice timing (:

Here's a little excerpt:
“David strengthened himself in the Lord his God” (v.6). Other translations use the words encouraged or refreshed.

In what ways can we strengthen, encourage, or refresh ourselves in the Lord when we’re feeling discouraged?
(it was even in italics!)

First, we can remember what God has done. We can list the ways He has cared for us in the past, and how He has provided for us or answered a prayer request.

Second, we can remember what God has promised. “Be strong and of good courage; . . . for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go” (Josh. 1:9).

Like David, let’s learn to strengthen ourselves in the Lord, and then let’s leave the rest with Him. —Anne Cetas

“I will strengthen,” so take courage,
Child of God, so weak and frail.
God has said so, and it must be,
For His promise cannot fail! —Anon.

Our greatest strength is often shown in our ability to stand still and trust God.

A few weeks back while I was in Kedah, I had been thinking about these same stuffs and I was given Psalm 77 during my quiet time. Then, I was really very disheartened and I was badly struggling to stay by Him. And it stunned me because it spoke precisely of what I'd been going through and what I had been thinking. It was as though God had read my mind and knew what my thoughts were. It was like Him saying "Hey, see I'm still here. I know exactly what has been, and is, happening in your heart and mind".

Psalm 77:11-12 reads "I will remember the deeds of the Lord; Yes, I will remember your miracles of long ago. I will meditate on all Your works and consider all your mighty deeds". That was what He'd told me do then. It corresponds with the first tip above in today's daily bread on remembering what He's done and has provided for us in the past.

=)
baby steps...

in the valley will i sing your praise?

There are many times I walk through dry spells in my walk with God. Knowing that I've lost my bearing scared me. when i stopped hearing from Him, it really broke my heart. I've always wondered if it was normal for our Christian journey to be full of ups and downs. I've always thought that if we were faithful children of God, we should be walking the straight road. But i guess it is normal. I'm really thankful for alina's encouragement.. When I'm in the valley, the only place I can head for is a mountain top.

It is very tempting to give up, to give up on God when I'm deeply discouraged and disappointed. But thinking of a life like that..imagining it is even scarier. life would lose a whole lot of meaning. Clinging on tightly is a better option. I guess it is really a test of faith. Will I be patient enough to wait on Him? How long am I willing to wait? If I had to wait forever, would I? How much do I truly trust?

I noticed it's just been a month since the last post, but it feels as though many have passed. so many MANY (and i REALLY mean many)things have happened and are happening. Though the energy drive is exciting and the issues that i have to deal with are interesting and strange, it's tiring me out really fast. one thing that does remain though (as always) is the faithfulness of God. With every step of this journey, God amazes me more and more, and i think someday He's going to blow my mind big time. i know it sounds insane but He's made me so happy i could cry.

anw, just a few thoughts on this seminar that I'd attended. it's called the landmark forum and i'd been so reluctant attending it. the only and only reason i'm doing it is my mother. i can't deny that it's changed her quite a bit and it means a lot to her, so what's the harm in just sitting there for three days and being open minded about it? A LOT OF HARM. and it was just one big torturing weekend. REALLY. my mind has never suffered this much before.

the course is basically kinda like a self-help course with "cutting-edge technology" that transforms your outlook of life to a more positive, wholesome and complete one. Ultimately, i think happiness is what everyone there was looking for. in fact, i think that is what EVERYBODY wants. It was about creating space in our minds by gettign complete with our pasts, inventing possibilities, identifying and then surpressing our negative thoughts and things like that. I can't deny that the course is intelligent and yes intellectually stimulating because it really explores the human mind, but it doesn't go much beyond that. I mean everything is really self-driven and it requires SO MUCH (AND I REALLY MEAN SO SO SO MUCH) willpower, mental discipline and emotional strength of our own to apply that kind of 'technology' to our daily lifestyles. I can't underestimate the transformational power it has had in the lives of some people and those around them, but there is a limit to our human ability and the capacity of our minds. One day, we're going to get really tired trying to overcome our own minds everyday. One day, something big and disastrous happens, something takes your beloved ones away, something happens and wrecks your life so bad that you breakdown emotionally and uncontrollably. Will your mind be able to overcome that? Will you have that capacity in a hellish state like that with your heart and mind all scattered? I can't say for sure but I doubt it. Just how much of our own emptiness are we able to fill by our own strength? The question itself doesnt even make sense because if we were able to fill our own emptiness, it wouldn't have existed in the first place. I think you know my answer to all these, and yeap there is only One answer to the void and emptiness that we're all searching so fervently for ways to fill, cover, take away, whatever. That is REALLY the answer and an answer, and I say that meaning it with all my heart and soul and with my life.

There's a rainstorm brewing right outside my window, and I can smell the strong scent of impending rain (the loveliest smell in the world!=) how many times have i said this?). There're a gazillion leaves fluttering down among scarlet flowers. and here I am cosy at my table looking out. I wish Jess was right here with her camera! It's really very pretty and romantic. I'm trying to memorize this.

God an excuse?

yesterday, a friend was telling me about how hard he'd fought for what he'd badly wanted, and achieved what he deserved. it's truly very admirable. later on, he questioned the necessity of a God if he is able to fight for what he wants and achieve it in his own right with his own might. listening to each step of his journey, i was wondering where God was all that while. He was probably there, simply that my friend didn't know. I know that soaring feeling, of being able to achieve something that once challenged you tremendously, and knowing how hard you'd fought for it, how much you'd deserved it, knowing how independent you are and how strong you've become because of it. That's why it is difficult for people who have it all in their lives to come before God because they don't even see the need for it. That is why God loves the broken.

On the contrary, we were talking about people who use God as an excuse. I've questioned myself and asked God about that many times, because it is true that people do use God as an excuse and as a way out. like "oh, this is just not what God wants for me. I should just quit and look somewhere else" or "if it's meant to be, it'll be" kinda attitude. and that is how non-christians see us too. i'm not surprised. sometimes, i wonder too.. how would I know whether I'm simply being a quitter using God as an excuse. I think it all boils down to the most fundamental thing in being a Christian. It isn't even just simply faith. It is the relationship we share with God. I realise that people who have not experienced the realness of God and have a relationship with Him can never understand. It is because of this relationship that we hear and know what God wants for us. That's how we'd know whether it is truly His will and His guidance or whether it's just our human self trying to go the easy way out. And above all, I believe it tells. whether u're simply a quitter or a person making a wise Godly decision. people will be able to tell.

studying all these stuffs about the human-nature relationship makes me feel more and more ugly about my human race. the way we treat what we deem to be of a lower order is really very very questionable. but it's undeniable that we were made to be a privileged specie, with the ability to think and rationalize that no other animal or plant can. and that places us at the pinnacle. even if we have compassion and consideration for other animals (note other! we're still instinctively animals, just that we're able to suppress those instincts with our rationality), there is still that inherent sense of dominance that enables us to even feel that compassion in the first place right.

maybe i should go be an environmentalist!

seriously all these reading and studying about human and animals.. it's MESSING with my brains!! i can't even look and play with my hamster, Frank, normally anymore. because i think of how cruel it is to keep him in a cage, and to even have a pet in the first place. it's like stroking our human ego to have control over our pet. and what makes me think that Frank is happy being my pet? what even gives me the right to NAME him Frank? hamsters probably have their own names in their own language, or maybe they aren't even supposed to have names! giving him a human name's like subjugating him to my human gaze, and he's seriously just there for my amusement. AH i feel cruel. he should return to where he originally belongs! where do hamsters originate from anw? i dont even know!

anyway i noticed that nearly ALL the profs i've come across in uni love to critique our government left right centre with A LOT of truth in their critiques. which make our govt look really lame and crappy to me right now. i mean it's undeniable too that what they do is necessary to an extent, but is there another way. it's just so... my goodness. hahaha. FAKE.

This Road by Jars of Clay


All heavy laden acquainted with sorrow
May Christ in our marrow carry us home
From alabaster come blessings of laughter
A fragrance of passion and joy from the truth

Grant the unbroken tears ever flowing
From hearts of contrition only for You
May sin never hold true that love never broke through
For God's mercy holds us and we are His own

This road that we travel may it be the straight and narrow
God, give us peace and grace from You, all the day
Shelter with fire, our voices we raise still higher
God, give us peace and grace from You, all the day through

it's never going to be easy, isn't it? but it is worth it.