Goodness of television

been watching lotsa tv this weekend! i love it. heh. my childhood deprivation. nwo i dont have to ask permission when i want to watch the tv. anw, last night i stayed up super late to catch the re-run of Homeless to Harvard on hallmark. hallmark has GREAT inspiring shows i must say. it's my family's favourite. I don't say inspiring for nothing. the show was about a girl who fought her way to Harvard through sheer determination to break out of her poverty.

she's exactly one of the "Superkids" that prof quah talked about in her last lecture. nature and nurture both went wrong for them (ie. family genes and environment are bad), yet they are able to succeed outstandingly as grownups or even as a child. till today, social scientists can't really pin it down how it happens. i think all these researchers try too hard to put a pattern or category to everything. but in reality, everybody has their own individual unique choices that do not happen in the same way to another human being.
to the homeless girl, Liz, she was thankful that her security blanket (like her mom who was her source of love or a roof over her head) was ripped away from her so that she wouldn't have had the choice of going easy on herself and falling back on her security blanket in wallow in her helplessness.
so, if all of us had our security blankets taken away, how many of us would go into desolation and how many would rise out of it?

so many people... so many people in the world. and i'm just a speck. if i disappeared, nothing much would change, would it? that's what i think to myself too, sometimes. But i know it is not true.

AND this afternoon, it was A Walk To Remember that aired on tvee. sweeeeet really sweet! placing their romance alongside the others i see around me, the one thing that stood out most in them was the giving. Love is giving. that is something so rare to see nowadays. for them, it was always about what the other wanted, hardly about what they wanted for themselves.

this is the part i love most in the movie - when jamie stands by the water and feels the wind on her body. Carter told her he couldn't fathom her strong faith. and she said that it is like the wind... you can't see it, but you can feel it. I've never thought of it like that! it's interesting.

God is the wind, and I am standing on the porch enjoying the breeze. So when somebody sitting inside the room asks me about my faith, he wouldn't really understand it because he can't feel it like I do because he hasn't taken leap of faith to stand outside the room. But what he can see is my wind-swept hair and my skirt dancing in the breeze, and that is me allowing God to do his work through me so that His goodness becomes a little more tangible. THAT is what people can see.

ever wondered what changes a person when his heart begins aching for someone?
Humility. heh. I was just watching the korean show revolving gambling All In. some guy in the show said that, and it struck hard. lotsa truth in that.

feels good to be home! I was looking forward to relaxing my mind totally these few days during the midsem break BUT look at how the schedule just piles up. it sucks :( i have so much work and so many things to run around doing. Guess i'll just have to wait for the next 3-month holiday next year.

dance n irrationality

just had the first dance class for our hall's dance production. the contemporary one was highly enjoyable! I like the egyptian music and the steps are pretty simple and followable. plus it was quite funny haha, think we all had a fun time. the hiphop class that followed was just insane. it was SO fast and SO difficult i don't even know how to do a ripple and it was rippling everywhere! i wish we had more time to learn tt one i couldn't even enjoy anything while trying to even vaguely remember the steps. anyhow, it was good! the air-con in the dance studio beats anything in this crazy sweltering heat.


it's a very natural thing to be more reactive towards people who mean something to us. as in, we tend to flare more easily because we get more sensitive and think less before we say harsh words or think harsh thoughts. it probably is wrong, may be weird, but it's natural. it's a sign that the relationship means more than the usual. I know it's true, but whatever, I don't like behaving irrationally yet sometimes I just do and I dislike it that way. It's so childish! if you think irrational thoughts, it's not that bad as long as you don't act in that manner because it shows that you still have a grasp on reality and of what makes sense, and you probably won't end up hurting anybody else or making things unnecessarily complicated. you know what i mean? but at the end of the day, everything still stems from the heart so.. o'well...

case of the whizzy fan

my favourite tell-tale sign in the world - the embracing smell of impending rain! it's right outside my room :)

something happened today that made me really happy. it's a small day-to-day living thing but it is still heartening. this afternoon, i came back to hall to find my fan making annoyingly loud whizzing-buzzing noises. and I was thinking ARGH. I have to prepare for a test in the evening and it'll be such a hassle to get the hall office to mend the fan or replace it and there will be dust everywhere and there will be lots of cleaning up to do. and also, there are hamsters in my room which cannot be seen by the hall office people or i'll be slapped with a fine. worse still, the whole room was reeking of hamster pee! i tried to prod a bit with the fan but i was running late for class so i had no choice but to go.

During family lecture, I had no idea why but I just felt the urge to pray about the stupid fan in my room! so I prayed and asked God to take away the noise in the fan, bind it in His name and throw it out of my room! anw i came back from lecture and it was still buzzing when i turn it up at higher speed. nvm.. i headed out for tuition, and when i came back, presto! the fan was perfectly fine! I precariously turned it to maximum speed and it's still silent! I felt so relieved I could study in my room and I wouldn't have to bother about contacting the office and everything. =D it's just a small thing, but it means much to me that a prayer was answered so explicitly.

stormy-weathered friends

real friends are there for you through your thick and thin right? they dont run away when you're going through a difficult period or when u're in a sticky situation. they'll stand by you no matter what other people say.. they'll be there in your sorrow. but what about the joy? i think it's sad to know that you're only thought about when your friend needs you because he or she is feeling helpless or down. although it's a good thing to be always there for your friend and that he knows that he can count on you, it hurts to think that you're not needed otherwise. I feel like a pillow. I think a friendship is only real when we share both our joy and pain. How can friendships be there by default and made use of only when u need them? It really gets me down sometimes and I feel so disappointed. It hurts all the more because it didn't use to be like that.

I was thinking too, that this is the way I treat my GOd sometimes. Now i know how sad He must be when I do this. like i make the extra effort only when i'm in the dumps and in a desperate situation, or when i'm feeling helpless and hurt blahblah. but when life is smooth and normal, I forget that he's still working to sustain our relationship and it must be a terrible feeling to be only wanted when needed.

PTL 07

the baptist youth convention did a concert this afternoon and it was so enjoyable! I'm so glad that I'd decided to forgo the landmark forum for this because it was an experience I wouldn't have wanted to miss. Admittedly, the rehearsal last week left us pretty worried but we dont trust God for nothing! lol. I was quite amazed at how good it was this afternoon. I especially loved the mime. I saw what it means when God gives talent and we allow it to be put to use to do His work. and for myself, I had fun on stage and i was unexplainably excited haha! just really thankful that I got to go this afternoon and God had graciously opened another landmark forum class in december so i wouldn't have to wait till next year to get it over with, saving me from having to miss classes too!

sweeeet

The sweet smell of the afternoon!! I love it so much! I can smell it right now. till today, I haven't found anybody who can identify this smell the way I do. maybe it is unique to me. It makes me feel safe and cosy. I think it is because I used to smell this sweet air every afternoon, accompanied by the chirping birds, when I was a child..That is why I identify this way with this aroma.

anyway, last night's interview was more of a nightmare than fun. SO MANY PEOPLE! 3 hrs! It was draining..I wanted to plop my head on the table and do the interviews. Jo's good.. he just went on and on and on in the middle of us. There are people who really wanted to do this badly but couldn't get a spot in the team and I feel so disappointed for them! I wish we didnt have to consider so many things. If it were possible, I'd take in everybody who wants it enough.

I'm gonna go watch Hairspray tonight! I'm excited =) I wanna go away from school for awhile, and I can finally see nips!

I have nothing much that I want to talk about, but I feel like typing something in here tonight.......
so I'll talk about the first thing that pops into my mind.....
which is the expedition full comm interview tmr! erpes. of all things

I'm really looking forward to it although it's probably going to be a really long night. So many people went down last year and I wonder if it's gonna be the same this year. I'm excited about who's gonna be in the team cos I get to choose! I want it to mean something for every person who joins us this year, and I really want everybody to take something home with them at the end of their expedition journey. It could be anything, but just something! hopefully something positive. haha it's gonna be tough but it's gonna be fun. There are so many things to consider and there are many friends whom I know are interested in joining and I'm happy! but not all of them will be selected and of course there'll be disappointment and unhappiness. It's not pleasant to deal with but it's all part of the package. And I don't think that anybody is selected by chance.. I'm a christian so I believe that God has a reason and purpose for every person joining us.

I've been praying hard for wisdom and discernment the moment I took this up. With every step we take, at every meeting we hold, He is the unseen Observer and Advisor.

CHeers!~

The Singapore RIver

I've been at this article "Romancing the Singapore River" by two professors in my school. Part of it talks about how much of the real history of the Singapore River has been obscured from citizens ourselves and visitors from other countries behind the present fancy consumer-entertainment facade of our River. People who really mattered like the samsui women and coolies who slogged hard in the building of our nation have been out-shined and often forgotten with the prominent statues of the Merlion (a story that is predominantly fabricated not to mention) and Sir Stamford Raffles. The article talked about the "uglies" and the "deaths" that were hardly mentioned, like the suicides that were committed at the river, the bodies by the river that had succumbed to exhaustion, and what about the opium bars that proliferated along the river quays? There is so so so much more than this. I wish everybody could read it for themselves!

I feel so incredibly saddened! It is such a shame. Actually, what is so bad about all these histories? The lives that were lost to the river, the piracy, the racial segregation and conflicts that happened, the whatever! Taking all these away and making people think that they didn't happen and that we're such a perfect nation makes us so, so unreal. All these deaths ironically give our river life. It's like saying we've never cried or suffered. I think people outside our country would appreciate the river our govt so painstakingly reconstructed better if they know the different facets of it. Right now, I feel more proud of the Singapore River than ever before because of what she contains and the memories that she holds in her banks.

Lucy

This morning, I picked up the latest copy of Readers' Digest and read this article about Lucy, a girl from Britain (I think), who suffers from an incurable genetic skin defect called HI (Harlequin Ichthyosis). If I recall correctly, it's a very rare genetic disorder. 1 in 250,000. This is what happens, her skin growth is exceptional and the skin dries up very very quickly, in fact, instantly. and the skin keeps flaking, like exfoliating I think.. to make things worse, because it dries up so quickly, it keeps cracking and she risks getting infected that may be fatal.

This is what really got me - since she was a baby, she's been waking up at 4.30am every single morning without fail and scrub herself down in pain to take away all the excess flaking skin, and then soak herself in water for 2 hrs to soften the harden exterior of her body, and then cream herself all over to remain moisturized. Throughout the day, she has to re-cream herself in the middle of school or lessons and her mom has to wash tons of clothes cos she has to change them so very often! The clothes she wears are also usually soaked cos of the cream. and think of all the stares and weird stupid comments she has to put up with all her life. It's so amazing that she is even alive! she's one of the 2 or 3 surviving people in her country who have HI. It is even more amazing because she's grown into such a radiant and beautiful lady. There is just that much more about her. She may look out of the ordinary, but she is precisely extraordinary!

I think that people who survive through abnormal conditions, people like her, like the Malay guy who recently became "half a man", and millions of others in the world who are not physically normal have it very hard on them, yet they are able to remain positive and truly live out their lives. Wow. Not forgetting their loved ones who care for them! I can't imagine all the patience, heartache, sorrow, and hope. Lucy has a sister who is diagnosed with HI as well. Her mom is an incredible woman.

Needless to say, I feel awfully small for complaining about the extra things on my legs that aren't even incurable. lol.