case of the whizzy fan

my favourite tell-tale sign in the world - the embracing smell of impending rain! it's right outside my room :)

something happened today that made me really happy. it's a small day-to-day living thing but it is still heartening. this afternoon, i came back to hall to find my fan making annoyingly loud whizzing-buzzing noises. and I was thinking ARGH. I have to prepare for a test in the evening and it'll be such a hassle to get the hall office to mend the fan or replace it and there will be dust everywhere and there will be lots of cleaning up to do. and also, there are hamsters in my room which cannot be seen by the hall office people or i'll be slapped with a fine. worse still, the whole room was reeking of hamster pee! i tried to prod a bit with the fan but i was running late for class so i had no choice but to go.

During family lecture, I had no idea why but I just felt the urge to pray about the stupid fan in my room! so I prayed and asked God to take away the noise in the fan, bind it in His name and throw it out of my room! anw i came back from lecture and it was still buzzing when i turn it up at higher speed. nvm.. i headed out for tuition, and when i came back, presto! the fan was perfectly fine! I precariously turned it to maximum speed and it's still silent! I felt so relieved I could study in my room and I wouldn't have to bother about contacting the office and everything. =D it's just a small thing, but it means much to me that a prayer was answered so explicitly.

stormy-weathered friends

real friends are there for you through your thick and thin right? they dont run away when you're going through a difficult period or when u're in a sticky situation. they'll stand by you no matter what other people say.. they'll be there in your sorrow. but what about the joy? i think it's sad to know that you're only thought about when your friend needs you because he or she is feeling helpless or down. although it's a good thing to be always there for your friend and that he knows that he can count on you, it hurts to think that you're not needed otherwise. I feel like a pillow. I think a friendship is only real when we share both our joy and pain. How can friendships be there by default and made use of only when u need them? It really gets me down sometimes and I feel so disappointed. It hurts all the more because it didn't use to be like that.

I was thinking too, that this is the way I treat my GOd sometimes. Now i know how sad He must be when I do this. like i make the extra effort only when i'm in the dumps and in a desperate situation, or when i'm feeling helpless and hurt blahblah. but when life is smooth and normal, I forget that he's still working to sustain our relationship and it must be a terrible feeling to be only wanted when needed.

PTL 07

the baptist youth convention did a concert this afternoon and it was so enjoyable! I'm so glad that I'd decided to forgo the landmark forum for this because it was an experience I wouldn't have wanted to miss. Admittedly, the rehearsal last week left us pretty worried but we dont trust God for nothing! lol. I was quite amazed at how good it was this afternoon. I especially loved the mime. I saw what it means when God gives talent and we allow it to be put to use to do His work. and for myself, I had fun on stage and i was unexplainably excited haha! just really thankful that I got to go this afternoon and God had graciously opened another landmark forum class in december so i wouldn't have to wait till next year to get it over with, saving me from having to miss classes too!

sweeeet

The sweet smell of the afternoon!! I love it so much! I can smell it right now. till today, I haven't found anybody who can identify this smell the way I do. maybe it is unique to me. It makes me feel safe and cosy. I think it is because I used to smell this sweet air every afternoon, accompanied by the chirping birds, when I was a child..That is why I identify this way with this aroma.

anyway, last night's interview was more of a nightmare than fun. SO MANY PEOPLE! 3 hrs! It was draining..I wanted to plop my head on the table and do the interviews. Jo's good.. he just went on and on and on in the middle of us. There are people who really wanted to do this badly but couldn't get a spot in the team and I feel so disappointed for them! I wish we didnt have to consider so many things. If it were possible, I'd take in everybody who wants it enough.

I'm gonna go watch Hairspray tonight! I'm excited =) I wanna go away from school for awhile, and I can finally see nips!

I have nothing much that I want to talk about, but I feel like typing something in here tonight.......
so I'll talk about the first thing that pops into my mind.....
which is the expedition full comm interview tmr! erpes. of all things

I'm really looking forward to it although it's probably going to be a really long night. So many people went down last year and I wonder if it's gonna be the same this year. I'm excited about who's gonna be in the team cos I get to choose! I want it to mean something for every person who joins us this year, and I really want everybody to take something home with them at the end of their expedition journey. It could be anything, but just something! hopefully something positive. haha it's gonna be tough but it's gonna be fun. There are so many things to consider and there are many friends whom I know are interested in joining and I'm happy! but not all of them will be selected and of course there'll be disappointment and unhappiness. It's not pleasant to deal with but it's all part of the package. And I don't think that anybody is selected by chance.. I'm a christian so I believe that God has a reason and purpose for every person joining us.

I've been praying hard for wisdom and discernment the moment I took this up. With every step we take, at every meeting we hold, He is the unseen Observer and Advisor.

CHeers!~

The Singapore RIver

I've been at this article "Romancing the Singapore River" by two professors in my school. Part of it talks about how much of the real history of the Singapore River has been obscured from citizens ourselves and visitors from other countries behind the present fancy consumer-entertainment facade of our River. People who really mattered like the samsui women and coolies who slogged hard in the building of our nation have been out-shined and often forgotten with the prominent statues of the Merlion (a story that is predominantly fabricated not to mention) and Sir Stamford Raffles. The article talked about the "uglies" and the "deaths" that were hardly mentioned, like the suicides that were committed at the river, the bodies by the river that had succumbed to exhaustion, and what about the opium bars that proliferated along the river quays? There is so so so much more than this. I wish everybody could read it for themselves!

I feel so incredibly saddened! It is such a shame. Actually, what is so bad about all these histories? The lives that were lost to the river, the piracy, the racial segregation and conflicts that happened, the whatever! Taking all these away and making people think that they didn't happen and that we're such a perfect nation makes us so, so unreal. All these deaths ironically give our river life. It's like saying we've never cried or suffered. I think people outside our country would appreciate the river our govt so painstakingly reconstructed better if they know the different facets of it. Right now, I feel more proud of the Singapore River than ever before because of what she contains and the memories that she holds in her banks.

Lucy

This morning, I picked up the latest copy of Readers' Digest and read this article about Lucy, a girl from Britain (I think), who suffers from an incurable genetic skin defect called HI (Harlequin Ichthyosis). If I recall correctly, it's a very rare genetic disorder. 1 in 250,000. This is what happens, her skin growth is exceptional and the skin dries up very very quickly, in fact, instantly. and the skin keeps flaking, like exfoliating I think.. to make things worse, because it dries up so quickly, it keeps cracking and she risks getting infected that may be fatal.

This is what really got me - since she was a baby, she's been waking up at 4.30am every single morning without fail and scrub herself down in pain to take away all the excess flaking skin, and then soak herself in water for 2 hrs to soften the harden exterior of her body, and then cream herself all over to remain moisturized. Throughout the day, she has to re-cream herself in the middle of school or lessons and her mom has to wash tons of clothes cos she has to change them so very often! The clothes she wears are also usually soaked cos of the cream. and think of all the stares and weird stupid comments she has to put up with all her life. It's so amazing that she is even alive! she's one of the 2 or 3 surviving people in her country who have HI. It is even more amazing because she's grown into such a radiant and beautiful lady. There is just that much more about her. She may look out of the ordinary, but she is precisely extraordinary!

I think that people who survive through abnormal conditions, people like her, like the Malay guy who recently became "half a man", and millions of others in the world who are not physically normal have it very hard on them, yet they are able to remain positive and truly live out their lives. Wow. Not forgetting their loved ones who care for them! I can't imagine all the patience, heartache, sorrow, and hope. Lucy has a sister who is diagnosed with HI as well. Her mom is an incredible woman.

Needless to say, I feel awfully small for complaining about the extra things on my legs that aren't even incurable. lol.

It's getting really frustrating all these lousy bacterial stuffs on my legs!! !@#%@$ it's been hogging my legs for eons and they never seem to want to go away. ARGH!!!!!!!! and other funny things like blisters and acnes pop out at the weirdest places too. i wonder how long more i can be patient about this. I can understand why the doctor doesnt want to give me a steroid jab but the side effects sure beat having to tend to my legs over and over and over and over again day in day out. =( it's draining.

On another note, I was just thinking about second chances yesterday. Most of us would've heard about the yellow ribbon project that helps ex-prisoners get their second chance at life in our society. I guess most of us would see the point. But many of us do not realise that, in fact, there are friends and people so near and around us who need that second chance too! Of course, we can't be entirely blind or over idealistic, but we shldn't be afraid to offer that chance to others because definitely at some point in our own lives, be it a career, or a friendship or a romance, we're going to want that second chance too. We'll never know what anybody is truly capable of until we give them the opportunity to rise to the occasion. I wish the world could be a little less harsh.

btw, I've finally decided that I should check Harry Potter out after all. MY GOSH it's damn good! i really couldn't put the book down and it's bad cos I was Pottering through all my lectures in wk 1. (I'm proud to say tt i paid attention in all my lects this week!) I can't wait to get my hands on the 3rd book (yeayea i'm only at the 2nd one) and if im not wrong the books get thicker and thicker and thicker. AND i'd like to watch all the harry potter shows on dvd too! so much for not bothering about the popular harry potter. and i'm kinda inspired to write a book but i doubt it'll ever happen wahaha.
=)
no good no good i should be reading my course readings!!

It is sometimes really difficult trying to keep my heart and mind firmly on God's wonderful path of miracles. It sounds so beautiful it seems most logical and natural for anybody to just walk that road. but it is so difficult because it isn't always explicit that it's a walkway of wonder sprinkled with His showers of blessing. Sometimes, in fact, i think most of the time, it is hidden from us because He wants to constantly test our faith and the strength of our trust in him.

These few months have been really trying in every way thought possible. it's not the worst of the worst yet but I've been feeling the strain physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. There has been so much tugging and pulling everywhere in every direction that I could've gone bonkers! I have never been this seriously overwhelmed in my life before. Wave upon wave, I could've drowned!

Yet, I just have to say that no matter what we think of Him or of where He is or of what He is doing, we just gotta squeeze our eyes tight, clench our teeth and hang on so tight to Him with a death grip. no matter how huge the carrots dangled in front of our hungry faces are, it is comforting to remember that He'll never let us be tempted beyond what we can bear.

All in all, the biggest lesson that God has been teaching me these past months is to have patience and be still. Wait and He will answer. This is what He's been yelling out to me in every corner of my life! and I am immensely grateful that even though everything is really really so difficult and trying, He is still holding on to me and teaching me imperishable and hard-earned qualities like patience and humility.

GOD IS SO GOOOOOOOOOOOD!
weird yet stunning, e way he takes care of everything lol.

zzzzzzzz im so sleepy